L.A. Can't Drive » road rage

Arrogant Prick in MINI Has a Death Wish

I-95, U-405 — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 05:28:04 +0000

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

Someone thinks he’s a stunt driver for The Italian Job. Reality check, moron, you’re on the 5 Fwy North near Commerce Casino. If you’re running away from anyone fast, it’s the pissed off Asian gambler you just slow-played at the Texas Hold’em table. The photo is poor, but I circled a silver MINI Cooper, license plate 5XJD. My wife and I were coming back from Disneyland in very light traffic. We were in the #2 lane when this zipping silver dung beetle started riding our ass so hard that I could’ve sworn it was some obese frackhead loser who caught a whiff of a churro I bought at the park and wanted a bite. Needless to say, we were moving faster than the #1 lane (around 75 MPH), and I wasn’t about to swerve to my right and tailgate a semi to allow this guy to pass. Suddenly, I saw this impatient moron jerk his wheel to the right, zoom up beside us, nearly rearend the semi, cut in front of us narrowly missing our bumper, and speed away–my guess is he was pushing close to 85/90. The last we saw of this jackass was his weaving antics within 3 lanes on the freeway while tailgating and cutting off other drivers without signaling. Given his reckless driving behavior in a very small massed vehicle, someone should tell him that if he were ever to get into an accident, he’d probably be the one to fly off the road like a silver hockey puck; the last thing he would see is a concrete highway median.

Honking, Tailgating, Impatient Gravel Hauler

I-95, U-405 — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 05:04:59 +0000

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

This one really got my goat. OK, no I don’t own any farm animals, but I’ve always wanted to use that expression in something I’ve written. So there we are. This was taken sometime last week on the 101 Fwy South. We were cruising along in traffic that was moving quite nicely when we suddenly heard the honking horn of this impatient, road raging gravel-hauler. It was traveling in the second to slowest lane on the freeway behind some clueless jackass in a minivan that was traveling around 55 to 60 MPH and driving considerably slower than everyone else around him. So, yes, a big thumbs down for the oblivious driver in the minivan. If he were going to drive that slow, he should’ve at least been in the slowest lane of traffic. And if the minivan driver feels that cars on the freeway are moving too fast for him to keep up, then maybe he shouldn’t be on the freeway in the first place. Regardless, that doesn’t give the driver of this multi-ton vehicle the right to honk and viciously tailgate another vehicle on the road. I didn’t get a good look at the license plate or the name of the company associated with the vehicle, or else I most certainly would have reported him to his employers. Needless to say, this was taken on Monday, August 2, at around 2:30 PM, in case some random owner of a construction company happens to read this post and knows that one of the company’s employees was on the 101 Fwy S (between the 405 and the 134) around this time. It’s a long shot, I know, but it’s worth a try, especially since this driver clearly has some anger management issues and needs a serious reality check on road responsibility. We snapped this photo after the truck managed to pass the “offending” vehicle.

Clueless Aggressive Troll in Mercedes

I-95, U-405 — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 20:05:11 +0000

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

Yes, I know you can hardly see the car circled in the picture. Regardless, if you happen to come across a punk in his late 20s/early 30s with dark gelled hair who drives a white Mercedes (license plate starts with a 6) like a hunched over senior citizen grabbing the wheel at 11 and 1, then you’d better watch out. I kid you not, this idiotic worthless piece of crap comes zooming up behind me in the slowest lane of the 405 Fwy N and nearly rear-ends my vehicle. Let’s for the time being forget about the fact that I just had my bumper fixed from another freeway rear-ender a couple of months ago. Then, this mouth-gaping impatient jackass starts riding the ass of my vehicle so hard that I could’ve sworn I was towing him. Mind you, we’re all traveling at 65 MPH. He then yanks his wheel to the left, cuts off another driver, jams on his accelerator, passes about 3 cars (including my own), and then cuts right back in front only to exit as you see here at Skirball Center Dr./Mulholland. Are you friggen kidding me? L.A. is chock full of aggressive, impatient, dumb as sh*t assholes like this jacknut. Seriously, did he have to reach that red light that’s waiting for him at the end of the off-ramp a few seconds sooner to the point that he needed to drive like a chicken with its head cut off? There’s no rhyme or reason governing how some people behave, and there’s no avoiding them even when you’re driving in the slowest lane of traffic.

Hear ye, Hear ye! Jackass Coming Through!

I-95, U-405 — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 04:54:13 +0000

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

Some people misunderstand me when I talk about speeding. Let me clarify: I’m a firm believer of moving along with the flow of traffic, regardless of the posted speed limit. I also am a huge proponent of slower traffic keeping to the right on the freeways. With that said, I feel that arrogant, aggressive pricks in this town keep citing this single snippet of the DMV Handbook that “slower traffic needs to stay to the right” to justify all sorts of reckless, inconsiderate, or illegal driving behavior. You don’t get to cherry pick, morons. In this particular situation, we were on the I-5 South near the Citadel outlet stores. Traffic was moving around 65 to 70 MPH across all lanes, and cars were more or less safely spaced out. But then here comes this weaving, non-signaling toerag in his Toyota Tundra zipping into the #1 lane and riding the ass of every car in front of him. Someone should tell this asshole that the phrase “slower traffic keep right” does not apply to an entire friggen lane of drivers as far as the eye can see. Does he expect a litany of other commuters to just part to the side to allow his royal fat ass through in his gas-guzzling chariot? If traffic is moving 70 MPH in the afternoon, most L.A. drivers would be cumming in their pants. I guess road raging is just ingrained in the DNA of some of the less evolved members of our species.

Aggressive Speeder Still Earning Her Stripes

I-95, U-405 — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 18:42:48 +0000

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

So here’s a case where we didn’t catch up to a speeding, bitchy brunette in a Toyota (license plate 6HH). Why you ask? Well, she was basically gunning it at 85+ MPH when traffic around her was going around 70 to 75 in early afternoon traffic last Thursday on the 101 Fwy S. near Sherman Oaks. Not only was she constantly weaving between lanes without signaling and bumper humping every car in front of her, but for a time she kept getting “stuck” behind the truck you see in the photo. If you want to risk a speeding ticket and endanger your safety, then be my guest. But c’mon! Be smart about it! Do you actually think a rickety old truck with equipment rattling in the bed is going to provide you with the fastest lane of travel? You’re failing to take into account the entire playing field, lady. Get on the ball! You disappoint me….no Road Rage scout badge for you this summer. Eventually, she did manage to get around this obstacle, and the last we saw of her is California Cutting two lanes to her left into the #1 lane at a highway bend.

Tailgating Seconds Before the Exit – Why?

I-95, U-405 — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 19:35:01 +0000

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

It’s been awhile since I addressed this classic fave act of senseless aggression from some of L.A.’s finest. Some people are so fed up with traffic in this town that they imagine congestion when it’s not even there. These drivers start demonstrating this frenzied impatience by humping your rear fender like a manic dog in heat whenever they near their exit on the freeway or their turn off of a major thoroughfare. And they do this even when there’s little to no traffic on the road. In this particular scenario, I was traveling north on the I-5 approaching the 134 Fwy interchange. As I signaled to my right to enter the lane that will feed me to the 134 Fwy East, this toolbag in a shizzy old Honda sped up to “lane block” my attempt to merge and started getting towed by the truck you see in the photo–at least that’s what it looked like. This selfish, impatient moron wanted to get off at Forest Lawn Dr. (as he did shortly after this photo was taken) so badly that god forbid any other driver get in front of him this close to his exit. Hell, he would’ve pushed the truck out of his way if he could, even if doing so only meant that he would travel 5 MPH faster (before braking at the off-ramp anyway). By the way, traffic was going at about 65 in his lane when this photo was taken. There’s no way you can reason with or make sense of road raging drivers like this guy. Logic and the big picture will never apply in their narrow-minded, primeval ways, and you can only do your best to avoid them on the road.

Angry Native Dumbass in Ford Expedition

I-95, U-405 — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 05:51:40 +0000

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

The aggressive jackass driving this old dark green Ford Expedition is another clueless native (license plate 3VWH) who seems to have a difficult time grasping the concept of heavy traffic. We were on the 5 Fwy N coming back from Disneyland when this dumbass started riding our rear in heavy, bumper-to-bumper traffic. I don’t know what’s up with drivers today, but the freeways all day were consistently congested due to one accident after another. Tonight was no exception, but for some reason this stupid piece of horse sh*t was bumper-humping our car as if we were the sole reason why traffic was crawling along at 15 MPH. We switched lanes to our right to let this guy “pass”, at which point in time he audibly gunned his engine for a whole 30 feet!! before grinding to a halt behind the car that was formerly in front of us. I honestly have no idea what goes on in the head of lesser lifeforms like this guy. Seriously, what was he trying to achieve, other than showing other drivers how he was born with a dick so small that his closeted wife constantly confuses it for a large clitoris?