L.A. Can't Drive » passing

Leapfrogging Wannabe Punk in Accord

I-95, U-405 — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 08:05:46 +0000

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Some people just look the part of asshole driver. The punk with his straight-billed baseball cap (oh, I think the going lingo is “lid” now) and his wannabe I’m a douchebag lean behind the wheel was driving this shizzy Honda Accord (license plate 5TZK) in Sherman Oaks on Burbank Blvd. When you’re just west of Sepulveda, the rightmost lane on Burbank Blvd. is pretty much intended to be a right-turn-only lane. If you go straight, you have the option of turning right into a Shell gas station or plowing directly into the rear of a parked vehicle along the curb. Most drivers around these parts, particularly those who exit the 405 Fwy at Burbank Blvd., already know this fact. And even if you didn’t, the steep downhill slope of the road gives you plenty of visibility of traffic flow and the makeup of the road in front of you. Unfortunately, this is also a favorite leapfrogging spot for egocentric jackasses who all too often treat driving like a pissing contest. In this instance, I was making my way down the slope across Sepulveda Blvd. when I noticed this punk in my rear and sideview mirrors refusing to merge to his left along with the rest of eastbound Burbank traffic. Judging by his speed, I knew he wasn’t heading toward the gas station, so I let up on my accelerator in an act of defensive driving. On the other hand, this punk probably thought I was going to gun it and try to prevent him from “cutting” in front, and I heard him step on his gas pedal and shoot past me to my right, nearly running into the back of parked sedan just east of the gas station driveway. That’s when I got a good look at this insecure, dumb-looking sh*tlet. Anyway, I had no interest in playing a petty racing game with someone who I felt was less evolved than me, and I gave him ample room to move in front (without signaling, of course). Hey, even tapeworms need a win once in awhile.

Illegal Leapfrogging Punk in Chevy HHR

I-95, U-405 — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 06:08:48 +0000

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Sometime last year, the city screwed with the lanes on Wilshire Blvd. by Sepulveda and the 405 Fwy on/off-ramps in Brentwood. Previously, if you were going east toward the freeway in the #1 lane, you had the option of either going straight or making a left to go north on Sepulveda. A green arrow helped to facilitate this turn. Now, in a feeble and naive attempt to reduce traffic congestion, they made the #1 lane a left turn only lane–you see the sign and the fat dotted white lane markings about two hundred yards before the Wilshire/Sepulveda intersection. Let’s be real…this is L.A. Late afternoon/evening rush hour commuters quickly learned that the #1 lane moved faster than all the other eastbound lanes on Wilshire and use it to pass as many cars as possible before changing lanes to their right. Essentially, a mind-numbing bottleneck was created, making traffic even worse in this area. Way to go, councilmembers. Anyway, as annoying as this is for a lot of the other drivers who patiently wait in the #2 lane to go east on Wilshire past the 405, it’s not illegal…unless you pull a selfish, asinine stunt like the punk in this crappy Chevy HHR (license plate 6JPT). Both he and the driver in front of him (not photographed) didn’t switch over from the #1 lane to the #2 lane earlier like most other drivers. In fact, by the time he reached the Sepulveda intersection, he was still in the left turn only lane. This arrogant piece of dessicated gonad then drove his Moby Dick of a vehicle forward, crossed Sepulveda, and ignored yellow hatched lines (that represent a raised concrete median) in front of him before continuing east on Wilshire. Clearly, passing about 100 cars wasn’t good enough for this fu*kwad, and he felt completely entitled to pull a blatantly egocentric and illegal maneuver. If the city really needs to raise some extra cash, they should park some traffic cops by this intersection on a random evening commute. It’ll be like shooting ducks in a barrel.

Brand New Pickup Has Asshole Owner

I-95, U-405 — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 05:05:54 +0000

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Well, this is just great. Another aggressive, impatient, arrogant piece of rat sh*t on our roads in a brand new, unplated pickup truck. I was driving home from picking up my son at daycare during evening rush hour. We were on Burbank Blvd. going west, where the street frequently varies from one to two westbound lanes. Frustrating? Yes, and Magnolia (the next major thoroughfare south) is the same way. Chalk it up to poor city planning, if you will. Regardless, given that it was rush hour, you pretty much just had to suck it up and deal with the stop and go traffic. Then again, this leapfrogging asshole felt like using his new gas-guzzling toy as a wedge to cut between other drivers whenever he had the chance. In this particular scenario, this guy refused to merge safely behind other cars when Burbank was narrowing into one westbound lane, ignoring clear signs and lane markings. When a driver next to him was going to let him in, this egocentric asswipe then felt entitled to leapfrog over a few more cars and drove forward instead of falling in line, this time ignoring a right turn only lane. By the time this photo was taken, we had a single westbound lane and a curb lane for parked vehicles. Pencil dick then had no choice but to jam his car in between two other vehicles. He made a right at the next major thoroughfare (Whitsett, I think), at which time all the other drivers he “successfully” leapfrogged over caught up with him by the time he executed his turn. Soooo….again I ask, what’s the frackin’ point for driving like cracked out prick?

Tailgating Poser Punk in Shizzy Corolla

I-95, U-405 — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 04:54:17 +0000

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Last Sunday, we decided to take advantage of the beautiful weather and head up to the Santa Barbara Zoo. Traffic was light and moving along nicely. We were traveling in the #1 lane of the 101 Fwy N, and all the cars in this lane were moving along at a nice clip (75 to 80 MPH). And before any knee-jerk, defend-L.A.-at-all-cost naysayers start saying that slower traffic needs to move to the right, I should add that we were easily in the fastest moving lane on the freeway, and cars were more or less safely spaced out. Then enter stage right the jackhole in the shizzy Toyota Corolla. This tailgating punk in his late 20s with dark spiky hair was riding our ass pretty hard before he swerved to his right, glared at us as he sped past, and cut back in front (without signaling, naturally). Oh, did I mention that we were going 75 to 80 along with the other cars in this lane? Needless to say, this impatient fu*kwad then starts bumper humping the car that was previously in front of us. If you think the SUV in the #2 lane is riding close to the Penske truck, I should add that this gelled up moron in the Corolla was tailgating even harder at 5-10 MPH faster than the SUV. Seriously, what did this idiot want to accomplish? Did he really think he deserved to speed as fast as he wanted in the #1 lane, parting the entire litany of cars in front of him in the process? The silly thing about all this is that he actually exited the freeway only a couple miles later, solidifying his oblivious asshole status. Oh, I should also add that he was sucking the tailpipe of the car that was exiting in front of him on the off-ramp.

Impatient Arrogant Commercial Pickup in N. Hollywood

I-95, U-405 — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 07:50:53 +0000

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My general contractor sucks harder than a piglet on a sow’s tit, so service personnel have been on my sh*t list lately. I tried looking up JZ Services on the internet by name and using part of the phone number that I managed to capture in the photo, but no luck. Maybe they’re not legitimate, not webified, or are just a small-time operation. Needless to say, the owner or his workers don’t exactly score high marks for sensible driving. I was on the 134 West on-ramp on Riverside, just west of Lankershim, during morning rush hour. At this on-ramp, two lanes feed into one before the metered traffic signal. Cars were moving along nicely, and there wasn’t a long backed up line of cars either. Nevertheless, the toolbag driving this utility pickup still refused to merge neatly behind the car you see in front of me and instead insisted on splitting this single merging lane by squeezing along the shoulder. Once we were on the freeway, I noticed the driver and his coworker speeding away. Was this the most egregious incident of the day? Of course, not…not by a long shot. However, it is quite indicative of the senseless, me-first mentality that contributes to why driving in this town absolutely sucks harder than a piglet on a sow’s tit.

Selfish Dumbass Leapfrogs over Three Cars at a Freeway On-ramp

I-95, U-405 — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 04:45:09 +0000

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The brunette in her 20s driving this dark-colored Toyota Avalon (license plate 4HRV) is a real piece of work. She either bought a used car when she moved out here, or she’s driving one of her parent’s cars. Either way, her senseless, egocentric behavior fits right in with the rest of the horrible native and transplant drivers in Los Angeles. We were traveling on the 101 West during rush hour in the #5 lane when I noticed this girl in my rearview mirror cut out from behind another car to her right. She then proceeded to use the Woodman onramp as a temporary passing lane to leapfrog across three cars before cutting back in front. OK, seriously? Did she honestly think she was making any headway whatsoever? I’ve seen really aggressive assholes when I lived in New York City drive along shoulder of the freeway to pass cars. So if this impatient biatch felt the need to pull such a selfish stunt, why half-ass it? Go all in, girl. Then again, half-assing anything seems to be a pretty common trait in this town, regardless of what industry you work in.

New California Booster Law in Effect on January 1, 2012

I-95, U-405 — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 22:15:03 +0000

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There is a new California booster law going in effect on January 1, 2012, which states that children under 8 or children under 4 feet 9 inches in height (including children 8 or older) must be buckled into a booster seat in the back seat. Previously, the booster law stated that only children 6 and under or who weighed 60 pounds or less had to remain in a booster seat. Of course, this won’t matter a bit to oblivious parents like the moron I encountered last week who was driving around with his daughter who couldn’t have been older than 5 in the front seat. She was so short, the seat belt looked like it was wrapping around her chin. Let’s just hope law enforcement will be more alert regarding enforcing this new law unlike previous safety laws and regulations that have passed in the past.

Moving along, the above photo deals with two dicks in their twenties in a small SUV with vanity plates (starts with KCH). As always, you need to be extra mindful of drivers with vanity plates; the higher correlation between vanity plates and bad driving is unmistakable in this town. The post-Christmas morning rush hour roads were still empty, and traffic was moving along Burbank at around 45 MPH, 10 MPH above the posted speed limit. These impatient asswads still felt the need to flex the puny muscle in their pathetic mini gas-guzzler by riding the ass of any driver in front of them in both the #1 and #2 eastbound lanes. They never signaled as they zigzagged between cars, yet they really never made any headway as I easily caught up to them at each subsequent red light. They should probably ease up on the erratic weaving and braking, since I passed by one of their gonads that flew out the window.