L.A. Can't Drive » native

Old Senile Relic Doesn’t Know How to Lock His Vehicle

I-95, U-405 — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 05:18:17 +0000

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Listen, I don’t have a problem with old people driving, as long as they can show that they have the physical aptitude and mental acuity necessary to drive safely. For those of you who have been following this blog for years, you know that I’m a strong advocate for competency testing for all drivers, not just high risk individuals like youth and senior citizens. Regarding the above photograph, the like native L.A. owner of this old Toyota Camry is circled above. And yes, he’s actually sporting an alpine white mullet. Never mind the fact that he couldn’t even park properly in his designated lane in this parking lot at the Americana, since quite frankly, most of the people who shop here can’t park properly regardless of their age. While we were packing up our vehicle, we suddenly heard this guy’s car alarm go off. No biggy, right? However, the alarm wasn’t shutting off….in fact, it was blaring for at least a minute. When we looked over to see what was happening, we saw gramps here sitting in the driver seat with his door open with the stereotypical “WTF is going on?” old-person look. Y’all know what I’m talking about….eyebrows disappearing into the forehead, toothy scowl, crowfeet squints, the whole works. About 20 seconds later with the alarm still blaring, I looked at him and said, “Really? Really??” He just started waving his arms in this hapless fashion. Damn the evil spirits of his electric chariot! Finally, the car alarm went off. Problem solved, right? But I say, nay nay….the alarm starts blaring again, and this whole charade ensues for another minute. We finally got the kids in their car seats and packed up the vehicle through all this racket. As we were pulling out, I saw that this old fart finally had an epiphany: he needed to lock and alarm his vehicle after he’s out of the driver’s seat and has closed the door. Wow, imagine that…who would’ve thought you needed to be physically out of the car with all the doors securely closed before alarming a vehicle? Anyway, he just shuffled away absentmindedly, probably none the wiser in the end. So you be the judge, should this person be driving a vehicle that requires split second decision-making abilities?

Clueless Grandpa Pulling a Split Second Exit

I-95, U-405 — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 06:47:51 +0000

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The old, borderline senior driving this shizzy Dodge Grand Caravan (license plate 5HYX) is a perfect example of the litany of oblivious driving that complements the aggressive assholes in this town. We were driving on the 101 Fwy N heading toward the 405 Fwy interchange. This clueless fool was pacing us to our left in the slowest 101 through lane (I think it was the #3 lane). The other lanes on the freeway clearly feed into either the 405 Fwy N on S on-ramps–plenty of signs and very clear lane markings. Nonetheless, when the lanes bordering the 405 S on-ramp and the 101 through lane became solid white lines and started diverging, baby boomer here decides to cut over at the very last second directly in front of our bumper. All this was happening during very light, mid-day traffic. There was plenty of time for him to signal his intention and then change lanes to his right, either in front or behind us. Yet for reasons unbeknownst to us, he pulled a stereotypical L.A. maneuver of exiting a through lane (either to an interchange or an exit) at the last possible moment. To this day, I still have no idea why so many drivers–particularly the ones who aren’t overtly aggressive–do this. I mean, seriously, are there really that many drivers mentally checking out from behind the wheel? Plan ahead, gramps….and while you’re at it, check your mirrors and blind spots before changing lanes.

Oblivious Senior Drives into Pedestrian Only Area in Parking Structure

I-95, U-405 — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 05:20:14 +0000

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Remember that catastrophic Santa Monica farmer’s market incident, where a really old senior citizen plowed through the market in his car, killing a few pedestrians along the way? Well, I suppose we have to be thankful that this pedestrian walking area at the Sherman Oaks Galleria is small enough to contain morons like the old blue-haired lady driving this Toyota Camry (license plate 4NJR). I took this photo while I was waiting for the elevator, and I seriously couldn’t believe what I was seeing. This old native relic completely ignored concrete boundaries, large stone planters, clear lane markings, and large painted “do not enter” signs and absentmindedly navigated her vehicle (a classic old-person champagne hue) into this pedestrian-only area in the parking structure. Then instead of simply acknowledging her mistake and backing up, she proceeded to execute a 30-point turn to navigate her vehicle around like an aircraft carrier and exit where she entered. I’m sorry, but people like this really shouldn’t be driving. If you know this lady and actually care about her, find alternative arrangements for her getting around town, since she clearly poses a danger to both herself and others.

Selfish Dumbass Leapfrogs over Three Cars at a Freeway On-ramp

I-95, U-405 — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 04:45:09 +0000

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The brunette in her 20s driving this dark-colored Toyota Avalon (license plate 4HRV) is a real piece of work. She either bought a used car when she moved out here, or she’s driving one of her parent’s cars. Either way, her senseless, egocentric behavior fits right in with the rest of the horrible native and transplant drivers in Los Angeles. We were traveling on the 101 West during rush hour in the #5 lane when I noticed this girl in my rearview mirror cut out from behind another car to her right. She then proceeded to use the Woodman onramp as a temporary passing lane to leapfrog across three cars before cutting back in front. OK, seriously? Did she honestly think she was making any headway whatsoever? I’ve seen really aggressive assholes when I lived in New York City drive along shoulder of the freeway to pass cars. So if this impatient biatch felt the need to pull such a selfish stunt, why half-ass it? Go all in, girl. Then again, half-assing anything seems to be a pretty common trait in this town, regardless of what industry you work in.

Tales from a Firefighter (and Another Boring Rain Photo)

I-95, U-405 — Thu, 15 Dec 2011 19:16:57 +0000

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This was taken a few days ago during Monday’s heavy rain. The old native guy driving this Toyota Avalon (license plate 4VDS) was by no means the only one driving on the roads without his head and taillights on, but there you have it. This was on Burbank Blvd. Never mind the fact that the windshield wiper/headlights law has been in effect for years, but common sense alone should dictate that you want to make your vehicle more visible to others in such inclement weather conditions. Then again, common sense is something many people in L.A. seem to lack.

Here’s a submission without a story from an anonymous firefighter:

“I am a firefighter for a major fire department here in California, and on a daily basis I have to shake my head and bite my tounge. And if we could take pictures of some of these mouth breathers I would have a book . While we’re responding to emergencies, pull to the right and stop people–it’s not that hard. People have no clue or do not care.

We have had people race us, stop, and freeze up. Pass us while we are responding (lights and siren blasting) turn in front of us and act like they don’t see us 20 feet off their bumper. And the only time they will pull over and stop is if they see a police officer. We have had people drive behind us across the driveway across the grass as we back into the station–all to get to a red light. More times than I can count. We had one ASSHOLE go into oncoming traffic with a cop right next to him. Yes, he got a ticket.

We had one lady ( I use that term loosely ) follow us to a rescue and scream and threaten us. Did I mention she refused to pull over for over a mile? And when we finally got around her at a red light, she then followed us to the rescue. A local police officer arrived on scene and wrote her a huge ticket (one for the good guys) . We have had people flip us off and yell because we’re blocking a lane at the scene of a traffic collision. How about driving and parking on the driveway of the station to ask for directions as we’re pulling out to go on a response and saying it will only take a second?

And some of the excuses: 1) I didn’t see you. 2) Thats not how we do it in my country (pick a 3rd world country). 3) I was in a hurry. 4) You’re not a cop. 5) Could not hear you over radio/phone/kids.

I wish we had a cop follow us on every run so they could make a fortune and maybe revoke a few driver’s licenses.”

I found all these stories fascinating to read, and not in a good way. I have personally seen drivers completely ignore the sirens and lights of oncoming emergency first vehicles, but the kind of arrogant, egocentric, clueless aggression detailed above was certainly news to me. First responders always have the right-of-way. And yes, even if they’re coming from the opposite direction, you still must pull over to the side of the road until the vehicles passes. And if pulling over to the side isn’t a feasible option, at least come to a friggen stop.

Clueless Texting Lane-Weaving Native in Minivan

I-95, U-405 — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 09:40:38 +0000

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We saw this likely L.A.–or at least California–native (license plate 3PK) weaving in the #1 lane as we approached her from the carpool lane on the 405 Fwy South this past weekend. When we came alongside this faded green minivan, I saw this moronic brunette texting like gangbusters. First of all, didn’t weaving give her a wake up call to put the damn cell phone down? She was also pacing about a second behind the car in front of her. The average texting driver takes his/her eyes off the road for a full five friggen seconds. She could fly the length of a football field and into the rear of another car before realizing that the driver in front of her braked. Thankfully, she exited shortly after this photo was taken at around Venice Blvd. Unfortunately for everyone else, this idiot is still on the road doin’ her thang.

Aggressive Short Middle-Aged Lady in Huge Navigator

I-95, U-405 — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 06:00:54 +0000

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Woooh, Nelly….Watch out for the short, squat, raging middle-aged brunette biatch in this Lincoln Navigator (license plate 4ZKV). This likely L.A. native is an accident waiting to happen, as she was steering this behemoth like a mad woman waving around a loaded gun in a crowded room. She was viciously and impatiently tailgating me all along the single eastbound lane on Moorpark in Toluca Lake. She continued her shenanigans as we merged onto Riverside/Alameda by Burbank; at this point, the road split to two eastbound lanes, and she kept hockey-pucking back and forth without signaling, erratically yanking her wide-assed vehicle left and right. I saw her huffing and puffing, waving her arms in frustration at afternoon rush hour. Dude, that’s life in L.A…..deal with it or get the hell out. Maybe create a blog and vent if you have to, but jerking other drivers around because you have an inability of seeing matters objectively is your problem–not other’s. Naturally, she didn’t get anywhere fast, and I kept witnessing her cutting off and tailgating other cars in front of me, only to be stopped at the next subsequent red light, at which point in time creeping ensued.