L.A. Can't Drive » merging

Illegal Leapfrogging Punk in Chevy HHR

I-95, U-405 — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 06:08:48 +0000

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

Sometime last year, the city screwed with the lanes on Wilshire Blvd. by Sepulveda and the 405 Fwy on/off-ramps in Brentwood. Previously, if you were going east toward the freeway in the #1 lane, you had the option of either going straight or making a left to go north on Sepulveda. A green arrow helped to facilitate this turn. Now, in a feeble and naive attempt to reduce traffic congestion, they made the #1 lane a left turn only lane–you see the sign and the fat dotted white lane markings about two hundred yards before the Wilshire/Sepulveda intersection. Let’s be real…this is L.A. Late afternoon/evening rush hour commuters quickly learned that the #1 lane moved faster than all the other eastbound lanes on Wilshire and use it to pass as many cars as possible before changing lanes to their right. Essentially, a mind-numbing bottleneck was created, making traffic even worse in this area. Way to go, councilmembers. Anyway, as annoying as this is for a lot of the other drivers who patiently wait in the #2 lane to go east on Wilshire past the 405, it’s not illegal…unless you pull a selfish, asinine stunt like the punk in this crappy Chevy HHR (license plate 6JPT). Both he and the driver in front of him (not photographed) didn’t switch over from the #1 lane to the #2 lane earlier like most other drivers. In fact, by the time he reached the Sepulveda intersection, he was still in the left turn only lane. This arrogant piece of dessicated gonad then drove his Moby Dick of a vehicle forward, crossed Sepulveda, and ignored yellow hatched lines (that represent a raised concrete median) in front of him before continuing east on Wilshire. Clearly, passing about 100 cars wasn’t good enough for this fu*kwad, and he felt completely entitled to pull a blatantly egocentric and illegal maneuver. If the city really needs to raise some extra cash, they should park some traffic cops by this intersection on a random evening commute. It’ll be like shooting ducks in a barrel.

Clueless Grandpa Pulling a Split Second Exit

I-95, U-405 — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 06:47:51 +0000

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

The old, borderline senior driving this shizzy Dodge Grand Caravan (license plate 5HYX) is a perfect example of the litany of oblivious driving that complements the aggressive assholes in this town. We were driving on the 101 Fwy N heading toward the 405 Fwy interchange. This clueless fool was pacing us to our left in the slowest 101 through lane (I think it was the #3 lane). The other lanes on the freeway clearly feed into either the 405 Fwy N on S on-ramps–plenty of signs and very clear lane markings. Nonetheless, when the lanes bordering the 405 S on-ramp and the 101 through lane became solid white lines and started diverging, baby boomer here decides to cut over at the very last second directly in front of our bumper. All this was happening during very light, mid-day traffic. There was plenty of time for him to signal his intention and then change lanes to his right, either in front or behind us. Yet for reasons unbeknownst to us, he pulled a stereotypical L.A. maneuver of exiting a through lane (either to an interchange or an exit) at the last possible moment. To this day, I still have no idea why so many drivers–particularly the ones who aren’t overtly aggressive–do this. I mean, seriously, are there really that many drivers mentally checking out from behind the wheel? Plan ahead, gramps….and while you’re at it, check your mirrors and blind spots before changing lanes.

Brand New Pickup Has Asshole Owner

I-95, U-405 — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 05:05:54 +0000

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

Well, this is just great. Another aggressive, impatient, arrogant piece of rat sh*t on our roads in a brand new, unplated pickup truck. I was driving home from picking up my son at daycare during evening rush hour. We were on Burbank Blvd. going west, where the street frequently varies from one to two westbound lanes. Frustrating? Yes, and Magnolia (the next major thoroughfare south) is the same way. Chalk it up to poor city planning, if you will. Regardless, given that it was rush hour, you pretty much just had to suck it up and deal with the stop and go traffic. Then again, this leapfrogging asshole felt like using his new gas-guzzling toy as a wedge to cut between other drivers whenever he had the chance. In this particular scenario, this guy refused to merge safely behind other cars when Burbank was narrowing into one westbound lane, ignoring clear signs and lane markings. When a driver next to him was going to let him in, this egocentric asswipe then felt entitled to leapfrog over a few more cars and drove forward instead of falling in line, this time ignoring a right turn only lane. By the time this photo was taken, we had a single westbound lane and a curb lane for parked vehicles. Pencil dick then had no choice but to jam his car in between two other vehicles. He made a right at the next major thoroughfare (Whitsett, I think), at which time all the other drivers he “successfully” leapfrogged over caught up with him by the time he executed his turn. Soooo….again I ask, what’s the frackin’ point for driving like cracked out prick?

Impatient Arrogant Commercial Pickup in N. Hollywood

I-95, U-405 — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 07:50:53 +0000

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

My general contractor sucks harder than a piglet on a sow’s tit, so service personnel have been on my sh*t list lately. I tried looking up JZ Services on the internet by name and using part of the phone number that I managed to capture in the photo, but no luck. Maybe they’re not legitimate, not webified, or are just a small-time operation. Needless to say, the owner or his workers don’t exactly score high marks for sensible driving. I was on the 134 West on-ramp on Riverside, just west of Lankershim, during morning rush hour. At this on-ramp, two lanes feed into one before the metered traffic signal. Cars were moving along nicely, and there wasn’t a long backed up line of cars either. Nevertheless, the toolbag driving this utility pickup still refused to merge neatly behind the car you see in front of me and instead insisted on splitting this single merging lane by squeezing along the shoulder. Once we were on the freeway, I noticed the driver and his coworker speeding away. Was this the most egregious incident of the day? Of course, not…not by a long shot. However, it is quite indicative of the senseless, me-first mentality that contributes to why driving in this town absolutely sucks harder than a piglet on a sow’s tit.

Broken Taillight Still Equals Poor Driver Most of the Time

I-95, U-405 — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 05:42:10 +0000

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

Before I talk about the asshole in this photo, let me share a story with you sent to me by someone who works closely with law enforcement that clearly demonstrates the degree of how distracted drivers can be while talking on their cell phones:

“Hanford is south of Fresno and west of Visalia along Hwy 198. One Hanford driver was slapped with a ticket for driving while talking on her cell phone. Officers say she was so distracted, she didn’t realize she drove right by a C.H.P. officer who then followed her for several minutes with his lights on as she pulled into a drive-thru line. “I was behind her for a couple minutes and she never reacted,” said C.H.P. Officer J.M. The officer eventually got her attention when he got out of his patrol car and stood outside her window. “I had to physically get out of my car, walk up to her door, and contacted her at her drivers side window, at which time she was still on the phone — still had the phone up to her left ear, still having a conversation,” said J.M.”

Now, I don’t know if the jackass in this Chevy SUV was equally as distracted and forgot where he was going, but I do know that he was in the wrong friggen lane. We were traveling north on Beverly Glen and were stopped at a red light by Ventura Blvd. in a left-turn-only lane. This silver Chevy SUV (license plate 5NYY…go Yankees! Boo Chevy driver!) was in the through lane to our right. When the light turned green, this erratic troll yanks his car to the left and cuts in front of a left-turning car in front of me. Naturally, the driver in front of me honked as he tried to avoid the collision. I’m sorry, but if you missed your turn, would it have killed you to travel a few hundred feet to Moorpark and then double back to where you wanted to go in the first place? Of course, this concept of self responsibility and accountability doesn’t exist for a vast number of our sucky drivers. If these asshats make a mistake, they still expect everyone else around them to pay for it. Anyway, Mr. Clueless Chevy gunned it on his wide left turn and then zipped in front of another car in the #1 lane going west on Ventura. When I snapped this at a subsequent red light, I noticed that he had a broken taillight. That’s not surprising, given the fact that someone who drives like an apathetic jackass could hardly be expected to properly maintain his vehicle.

Classic L.A. Selfish Behavior from the Archetype of a Bad L.A. Driver

I-95, U-405 — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 19:27:05 +0000

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

This stereotypical, selfish L.A. fuc*wad is a better example of what you often see at the 101/405 Fwy interchange. Even people who always try to give the benefit of the doubt can’t possibly defend this guy’s leapfrogging, lane-cutting sensibilities. Did I mention he also had a vanity plate? I suppose all he would need is a receding hairline and a really small dick, and then we would have the true archetype of the Angeleno Asshole.

Next, I have another text-based submission to share:

“When I was coming home, a car broke down on Soledad Cyn near Saugus Speedway and had a tow truck hooking it up. Speed limit is 50 mph. I see the tow truck lights well in advance and move into the middle lane of this three-lane road. Dumbass in a black Hyundai Sonata with Ohio plates was stopped behind the truck and decided that the roughly 100′ or so space between me and the car in front of me was more than enough to get his Hyundai up to 50 mph from a dead stop. He wasn’t wrong if you consider me slamming on the brakes after he came over that is. He then continued to zig zag his way through traffic with me catching up with him at every red light. Way to go dude.”

I really feel idiots and assholes alike in this town seriously have an inability of seeing anything else other than what’s directly in front of them. Case in point, I was getting a slice of pizza at Costco the other day and was waiting in line with my huge basket and behind two other parties. I see this lady to my left out of the corner of my eye, and I figured she was just deciding on which line she wanted to wait on. As the first party in front leaves (a dad and two Hispanic kids), this lady bolts to the front and starts ordering at the window. Then I and the three guys in front of me (also Hispanic) start smiling and commenting at the audacity of this lady. We weren’t being rude, but we were definitely being direct. What was her reply? “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there!” Then she immediately changes tactic and starts saying, “Oh, I thought you three were with them,” referring to the dad and the two Hispanic kids. At this point, I raise my hand and replied, “Uh, hello? I’m here, too, and you were behind me,” basically asking if she also thought this tall Asian dude was with this self-made group of Hispanics, as well. At this point, she ran out of excuses and just kept saying sorry. What would have been better is if she cancelled her order mid-way and returned to the back of the line. But then again, that would require a level of awareness and intelligence that she clearly didn’t have.

Blind Selfish Arrogance

I-95, U-405 — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 05:52:59 +0000

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

I took this photo stopped in post-morning rush hour traffic at the 101/405 interchange. For a very brief period of time, cops were patrolling this stretch of the freeway to prevent leapfrogging, lane-obstructing drivers like the Chevy pick up you see circled in the photo. Unfortunately, the cops left, and the selfish Angeleno antics have started up again. You can clearly see that the fat dotted white lines delineating the interchange lanes that take you to the 405 Fwy have turned to solid white. However, the asshole in this Chevy still felt completely entitled to bypass all the drivers patiently waiting to merge and then stop dead in his tracks in the #4 101 Fwy through lane until someone decides to let him in. I absolutely can’t stand this unconditional, me-first mentality.

Speaking of such blind arrogance, here’s a story I received today that didn’t have a photo attached:

“It seems like every time I go out during the day, the stupidity of drivers never ceases to amuse me. Yesterday (Monday the 19th), I had a meeting at work in the morning. From N/B I-5, I exit at Hwy 126. There are 4 lanes at the end of the off-ramp: three to go left and one to go right. I am in the farthest right of the left turn lanes. Apparently, this dumb broad in a Honda CR-V decided she didn’t want to wait in the longer line and, without even looking, bolts over three lanes and almost sideswipes my truck! What was her reaction when I was laying on the horn and diving to the shoulder? She just throws her arms up in a “what, what” reaction! I eventually end up passing this person, and when I looked over and shook my head, she flipped me the bird!”

The idea that these aggressive drivers could be culpable for anything that goes wrong on the road is absolutely inconceivable to them. They are too idiotic, conceited, stubborn, and/or uninformed to be convinced otherwise. When I was dealing with auto insurance liability cases in Los Angeles for about three years, I can’t tell you the number of stupid people I had to deal with who had no idea that they were 100% at fault in scenarios as blatantly obvious as this.