L.A. Can't Drive » leapfrog

Leapfrogging Wannabe Punk in Accord

I-95, U-405 — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 08:05:46 +0000

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Some people just look the part of asshole driver. The punk with his straight-billed baseball cap (oh, I think the going lingo is “lid” now) and his wannabe I’m a douchebag lean behind the wheel was driving this shizzy Honda Accord (license plate 5TZK) in Sherman Oaks on Burbank Blvd. When you’re just west of Sepulveda, the rightmost lane on Burbank Blvd. is pretty much intended to be a right-turn-only lane. If you go straight, you have the option of turning right into a Shell gas station or plowing directly into the rear of a parked vehicle along the curb. Most drivers around these parts, particularly those who exit the 405 Fwy at Burbank Blvd., already know this fact. And even if you didn’t, the steep downhill slope of the road gives you plenty of visibility of traffic flow and the makeup of the road in front of you. Unfortunately, this is also a favorite leapfrogging spot for egocentric jackasses who all too often treat driving like a pissing contest. In this instance, I was making my way down the slope across Sepulveda Blvd. when I noticed this punk in my rear and sideview mirrors refusing to merge to his left along with the rest of eastbound Burbank traffic. Judging by his speed, I knew he wasn’t heading toward the gas station, so I let up on my accelerator in an act of defensive driving. On the other hand, this punk probably thought I was going to gun it and try to prevent him from “cutting” in front, and I heard him step on his gas pedal and shoot past me to my right, nearly running into the back of parked sedan just east of the gas station driveway. That’s when I got a good look at this insecure, dumb-looking sh*tlet. Anyway, I had no interest in playing a petty racing game with someone who I felt was less evolved than me, and I gave him ample room to move in front (without signaling, of course). Hey, even tapeworms need a win once in awhile.

Illegal Leapfrogging Punk in Chevy HHR

I-95, U-405 — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 06:08:48 +0000

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Sometime last year, the city screwed with the lanes on Wilshire Blvd. by Sepulveda and the 405 Fwy on/off-ramps in Brentwood. Previously, if you were going east toward the freeway in the #1 lane, you had the option of either going straight or making a left to go north on Sepulveda. A green arrow helped to facilitate this turn. Now, in a feeble and naive attempt to reduce traffic congestion, they made the #1 lane a left turn only lane–you see the sign and the fat dotted white lane markings about two hundred yards before the Wilshire/Sepulveda intersection. Let’s be real…this is L.A. Late afternoon/evening rush hour commuters quickly learned that the #1 lane moved faster than all the other eastbound lanes on Wilshire and use it to pass as many cars as possible before changing lanes to their right. Essentially, a mind-numbing bottleneck was created, making traffic even worse in this area. Way to go, councilmembers. Anyway, as annoying as this is for a lot of the other drivers who patiently wait in the #2 lane to go east on Wilshire past the 405, it’s not illegal…unless you pull a selfish, asinine stunt like the punk in this crappy Chevy HHR (license plate 6JPT). Both he and the driver in front of him (not photographed) didn’t switch over from the #1 lane to the #2 lane earlier like most other drivers. In fact, by the time he reached the Sepulveda intersection, he was still in the left turn only lane. This arrogant piece of dessicated gonad then drove his Moby Dick of a vehicle forward, crossed Sepulveda, and ignored yellow hatched lines (that represent a raised concrete median) in front of him before continuing east on Wilshire. Clearly, passing about 100 cars wasn’t good enough for this fu*kwad, and he felt completely entitled to pull a blatantly egocentric and illegal maneuver. If the city really needs to raise some extra cash, they should park some traffic cops by this intersection on a random evening commute. It’ll be like shooting ducks in a barrel.

Brand New Pickup Has Asshole Owner

I-95, U-405 — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 05:05:54 +0000

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Well, this is just great. Another aggressive, impatient, arrogant piece of rat sh*t on our roads in a brand new, unplated pickup truck. I was driving home from picking up my son at daycare during evening rush hour. We were on Burbank Blvd. going west, where the street frequently varies from one to two westbound lanes. Frustrating? Yes, and Magnolia (the next major thoroughfare south) is the same way. Chalk it up to poor city planning, if you will. Regardless, given that it was rush hour, you pretty much just had to suck it up and deal with the stop and go traffic. Then again, this leapfrogging asshole felt like using his new gas-guzzling toy as a wedge to cut between other drivers whenever he had the chance. In this particular scenario, this guy refused to merge safely behind other cars when Burbank was narrowing into one westbound lane, ignoring clear signs and lane markings. When a driver next to him was going to let him in, this egocentric asswipe then felt entitled to leapfrog over a few more cars and drove forward instead of falling in line, this time ignoring a right turn only lane. By the time this photo was taken, we had a single westbound lane and a curb lane for parked vehicles. Pencil dick then had no choice but to jam his car in between two other vehicles. He made a right at the next major thoroughfare (Whitsett, I think), at which time all the other drivers he “successfully” leapfrogged over caught up with him by the time he executed his turn. Soooo….again I ask, what’s the frackin’ point for driving like cracked out prick?

Selfish Dumbass Leapfrogs over Three Cars at a Freeway On-ramp

I-95, U-405 — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 04:45:09 +0000

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The brunette in her 20s driving this dark-colored Toyota Avalon (license plate 4HRV) is a real piece of work. She either bought a used car when she moved out here, or she’s driving one of her parent’s cars. Either way, her senseless, egocentric behavior fits right in with the rest of the horrible native and transplant drivers in Los Angeles. We were traveling on the 101 West during rush hour in the #5 lane when I noticed this girl in my rearview mirror cut out from behind another car to her right. She then proceeded to use the Woodman onramp as a temporary passing lane to leapfrog across three cars before cutting back in front. OK, seriously? Did she honestly think she was making any headway whatsoever? I’ve seen really aggressive assholes when I lived in New York City drive along shoulder of the freeway to pass cars. So if this impatient biatch felt the need to pull such a selfish stunt, why half-ass it? Go all in, girl. Then again, half-assing anything seems to be a pretty common trait in this town, regardless of what industry you work in.

Clueless, Road Raging Young Woman in Mercedes ML350

I-95, U-405 — Fri, 11 Nov 2011 00:59:45 +0000

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Alright folks, total bitch alert. Watch out for this spoiled, chunky, late 20′s, biznatch brunette (dirty blonde) in a black Mercedes ML350 BlueTEC SUV (license plate 6LPC) that daddy bought her. This clueless, road-hogging wench clearly doesn’t understand the definition of morning rush hour, as she was viciously tailgating me and any other driver in front of her going east on Burbank Blvd. in North Hollywood. Traffic wasn’t even moving all that slowly; commuters were hitting the green lights, and well-spaced cars were moving along at a decent clip. In general, road raging tailgaters like Ms. Oreo don’t realize that tailgating actually increases traffic congestion, since pulling such a useless maneuver only forces one to constantly tap on his/her brakes. More brake lights = more drivers behind you braking…and then the cycle continues. Anyway, I didn’t appreciate her riding my ass (I’m a married man), especially with my kid in the car seat, so I essentially spat on her car by turning on my windshield wiper fluid. My car gets a wash about once every couple months, so spots on my vehicle really don’t bother me. But this girl was driving a pristine SUV that daddy probably helps pay for her to wash every week. As she gets squirted, I see her back off, veer to the right, pass me with the best glare her chubby face could muster, and cut back in front. At least she was signaling, so I’ll give her that. Though I managed to get her away from my rear fender, I felt a little bad for the driver in front of me who would now have this sexually frustrated angry gremlin tracking behind him. I knew she was looking at me at this red light, so I just shook my head slowly like a reprimanding father would and snapped this photo. Shortly before we reached Lankershim, this idiot actually tried to spray me with her windshield wiper fluid in some juvenile fit of revenge. However, she’s too dumb to realize that this tactic only really works against tailgaters, since drivers pacing at a safe distance barely see a drop hit their car. All she really achieved was to add more water streaks and spots to her car when the liquid dries. Before I turned off Lankershim, I saw her leapfrog in the right-turn-only lane past a row of drivers only to cut back into the single eastbound through lane. Ugly, angry, and alone…what a sad existence for Little Miss Moffat.

A Slew of Angry Seniors

I-95, U-405 — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 05:01:08 +0000

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I consistently see bad driver patterns come in waves, and this most recent wave consists of selfish, arrogant blue-haired denizens of Los Angeles. Though I wasn’t able to get a photo of it today, I was nearing my Wilshire Blvd West exit on the 405 South today and was in the second to slowest lane on the freeway. I clearly signaled to my right, checked my mirrors and blind spot, and saw that I had ample space to change lanes. As I started changing lanes, this mustached (what’s with jackasses and mustaches these days?), angry old fart in a black Mercedes literally guns it in the slowest freeway lane to prevent me from “cutting” in front. I was like, are you serious? Not only do these arrogant fu*ks not signal, but they also do not respect other drivers who signal. Naturally, he was too far back to have actually succeeded this asinine lane-blocking maneuver. When I get in front of him, he first threatened to rear-end me before yanking his steering wheel to the left. Maybe he was amped on Viagra, but something was seriously wrong with the old kook. He gunned it and passed me on my left, at which time he gave me the best threatening stare he could muster (Mr. Magoo was scarier) and gave me an arthritic finger. Wow…seriously? It’s not like he was exiting, either, as he kept on going south on the freeway. If he was in such a rush, maybe he should drive in the faster lanes to his left…just a suggestion from someone who’s clearly more sane and considerate.

Anyway, I digress, since this post actually has to do with this old couple, selfish couple in this Lexus GS300 (license plate 5HNN) who looked like they died yesterday. Maybe they were in a rush to buy burial cloths in the Valley, but that still doesn’t justify them cutting past a long line of cars on Beverly Glen waiting to make a right turn onto Sunset Blvd. in West L.A. The leapfrogging old wife behind the wheel just erratically cut in front of me and hit her brakes as I was making my way slowly toward the intersection. On a side note, what’s with old people driving these piss-champagne-colored vehicles? It’s like a trend that dates back to the 80′s. You would think these people in their late 30′s and 40′s back then would’ve thought the same thing, but yet here they are driving cars with the same old-people paint job. Anyway, maybe this rise in angry seniors has to do with them feeling that their social security and Medicare entitlements are being threatened. All I got to say is don’t take it out on the other drivers–take it out on your politicians.

Leapfrogging on Laurel Canyon

I-95, U-405 — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 06:57:33 +0000

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Before we moved into our new home, we were temporarily living in Valley Village/Studio City. As a result, I had to revisit a morning commute through Laurel Canyon for a couple months that completely sucks balls. If you’re gay, then the commute completely licks twat. Anyway, the trip over the hill going south until you hit Mulholland inevitably takes longer than it should because of selfish pricks like the driver of this Ford (I think it’s a Ford) SUV. These arrogant toerags refuse to wait patiently in the single southbound through lane like the majority of other drivers. At the very least, they could merge over sooner from the #2 right-turn-only lane rather than wait at the last possible second. Though the driver of this SUV wasn’t alone in pulling this stunt–not by a long shot–, it was the only photo that managed to come out during that morning’s rush hour traffic. Not only was the SUV holding up traffic in the right-turn-only lane for drivers legitimately wishing to make a right to go west on Mulholland, but this SUV driver also forced unnecessary braking and delays for drivers in the through lane. Since someone inevitably lets these leapfrogging pricks in, such consideration only fuels this kind of egocentric, aggressive behavior. Naturally, the Catch 22 is that behaving with equal aggression, such as refusing to let a driver cut in, doesn’t benefit anyone in the end, either, and actually further increases the amount of congestion on our roads. So what’s the solution? Unfortunately, it’s an idealistic fantasy to believe that the drivers in this town will have enough community awareness, mutual respect, and consideration to realize that we’re all in this traffic grind together and ought to drive in a fashion that would facilitate everyone’s commute on the whole, rather than solely looking after their own interests.