L.A. Can't Drive » lanes

Leapfrogging Wannabe Punk in Accord

I-95, U-405 — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 08:05:46 +0000

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Some people just look the part of asshole driver. The punk with his straight-billed baseball cap (oh, I think the going lingo is “lid” now) and his wannabe I’m a douchebag lean behind the wheel was driving this shizzy Honda Accord (license plate 5TZK) in Sherman Oaks on Burbank Blvd. When you’re just west of Sepulveda, the rightmost lane on Burbank Blvd. is pretty much intended to be a right-turn-only lane. If you go straight, you have the option of turning right into a Shell gas station or plowing directly into the rear of a parked vehicle along the curb. Most drivers around these parts, particularly those who exit the 405 Fwy at Burbank Blvd., already know this fact. And even if you didn’t, the steep downhill slope of the road gives you plenty of visibility of traffic flow and the makeup of the road in front of you. Unfortunately, this is also a favorite leapfrogging spot for egocentric jackasses who all too often treat driving like a pissing contest. In this instance, I was making my way down the slope across Sepulveda Blvd. when I noticed this punk in my rear and sideview mirrors refusing to merge to his left along with the rest of eastbound Burbank traffic. Judging by his speed, I knew he wasn’t heading toward the gas station, so I let up on my accelerator in an act of defensive driving. On the other hand, this punk probably thought I was going to gun it and try to prevent him from “cutting” in front, and I heard him step on his gas pedal and shoot past me to my right, nearly running into the back of parked sedan just east of the gas station driveway. That’s when I got a good look at this insecure, dumb-looking sh*tlet. Anyway, I had no interest in playing a petty racing game with someone who I felt was less evolved than me, and I gave him ample room to move in front (without signaling, of course). Hey, even tapeworms need a win once in awhile.

Illegal Leapfrogging Punk in Chevy HHR

I-95, U-405 — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 06:08:48 +0000

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Sometime last year, the city screwed with the lanes on Wilshire Blvd. by Sepulveda and the 405 Fwy on/off-ramps in Brentwood. Previously, if you were going east toward the freeway in the #1 lane, you had the option of either going straight or making a left to go north on Sepulveda. A green arrow helped to facilitate this turn. Now, in a feeble and naive attempt to reduce traffic congestion, they made the #1 lane a left turn only lane–you see the sign and the fat dotted white lane markings about two hundred yards before the Wilshire/Sepulveda intersection. Let’s be real…this is L.A. Late afternoon/evening rush hour commuters quickly learned that the #1 lane moved faster than all the other eastbound lanes on Wilshire and use it to pass as many cars as possible before changing lanes to their right. Essentially, a mind-numbing bottleneck was created, making traffic even worse in this area. Way to go, councilmembers. Anyway, as annoying as this is for a lot of the other drivers who patiently wait in the #2 lane to go east on Wilshire past the 405, it’s not illegal…unless you pull a selfish, asinine stunt like the punk in this crappy Chevy HHR (license plate 6JPT). Both he and the driver in front of him (not photographed) didn’t switch over from the #1 lane to the #2 lane earlier like most other drivers. In fact, by the time he reached the Sepulveda intersection, he was still in the left turn only lane. This arrogant piece of dessicated gonad then drove his Moby Dick of a vehicle forward, crossed Sepulveda, and ignored yellow hatched lines (that represent a raised concrete median) in front of him before continuing east on Wilshire. Clearly, passing about 100 cars wasn’t good enough for this fu*kwad, and he felt completely entitled to pull a blatantly egocentric and illegal maneuver. If the city really needs to raise some extra cash, they should park some traffic cops by this intersection on a random evening commute. It’ll be like shooting ducks in a barrel.

Clueless Grandpa Pulling a Split Second Exit

I-95, U-405 — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 06:47:51 +0000

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The old, borderline senior driving this shizzy Dodge Grand Caravan (license plate 5HYX) is a perfect example of the litany of oblivious driving that complements the aggressive assholes in this town. We were driving on the 101 Fwy N heading toward the 405 Fwy interchange. This clueless fool was pacing us to our left in the slowest 101 through lane (I think it was the #3 lane). The other lanes on the freeway clearly feed into either the 405 Fwy N on S on-ramps–plenty of signs and very clear lane markings. Nonetheless, when the lanes bordering the 405 S on-ramp and the 101 through lane became solid white lines and started diverging, baby boomer here decides to cut over at the very last second directly in front of our bumper. All this was happening during very light, mid-day traffic. There was plenty of time for him to signal his intention and then change lanes to his right, either in front or behind us. Yet for reasons unbeknownst to us, he pulled a stereotypical L.A. maneuver of exiting a through lane (either to an interchange or an exit) at the last possible moment. To this day, I still have no idea why so many drivers–particularly the ones who aren’t overtly aggressive–do this. I mean, seriously, are there really that many drivers mentally checking out from behind the wheel? Plan ahead, gramps….and while you’re at it, check your mirrors and blind spots before changing lanes.

Brand New Pickup Has Asshole Owner

I-95, U-405 — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 05:05:54 +0000

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Well, this is just great. Another aggressive, impatient, arrogant piece of rat sh*t on our roads in a brand new, unplated pickup truck. I was driving home from picking up my son at daycare during evening rush hour. We were on Burbank Blvd. going west, where the street frequently varies from one to two westbound lanes. Frustrating? Yes, and Magnolia (the next major thoroughfare south) is the same way. Chalk it up to poor city planning, if you will. Regardless, given that it was rush hour, you pretty much just had to suck it up and deal with the stop and go traffic. Then again, this leapfrogging asshole felt like using his new gas-guzzling toy as a wedge to cut between other drivers whenever he had the chance. In this particular scenario, this guy refused to merge safely behind other cars when Burbank was narrowing into one westbound lane, ignoring clear signs and lane markings. When a driver next to him was going to let him in, this egocentric asswipe then felt entitled to leapfrog over a few more cars and drove forward instead of falling in line, this time ignoring a right turn only lane. By the time this photo was taken, we had a single westbound lane and a curb lane for parked vehicles. Pencil dick then had no choice but to jam his car in between two other vehicles. He made a right at the next major thoroughfare (Whitsett, I think), at which time all the other drivers he “successfully” leapfrogged over caught up with him by the time he executed his turn. Soooo….again I ask, what’s the frackin’ point for driving like cracked out prick?

Too Impatient to Wait a Few Hundred Feet

I-95, U-405 — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 04:30:21 +0000

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The impatient driver of this Jeep Liberty (license plate 5LRC) felt that he had the “freedom” to cross over double yellow lines into the carpool lane from the #1 lane on the 210 Fwy E. Sorry for the horrible pun, but I am sleep-deprived, and so corny jokes really amuse me right now. Anyway, we were heading out to the Huntington Gardens in Pasadena this past Sunday for their Chinese New Year celebrations. Traffic was very light and moving along at a balmy 80 MPH. However, that apparently wasn’t fast enough for this douchebag who couldn’t wait a few hundred feet to merge legally into the carpool lane from the #1 lane. We took this photo shortly after the double yellow lines turned into dotted white lines. Perhaps he didn’t know that it was illegal to cross into the carpool lane over double yellows, but then again he wasn’t signaling either when he pulled this stunt, so there you have it. Like I said, the roads were empty, so no harm no foul, right? Not exactly…I wouldn’t exactly put money down that this guy drives with any more consideration if the roads were more congested. Rather, he would probably just become an even more aggressive, egocentric, classic Angeleno driver.

Tailgating Poser Punk in Shizzy Corolla

I-95, U-405 — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 04:54:17 +0000

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Last Sunday, we decided to take advantage of the beautiful weather and head up to the Santa Barbara Zoo. Traffic was light and moving along nicely. We were traveling in the #1 lane of the 101 Fwy N, and all the cars in this lane were moving along at a nice clip (75 to 80 MPH). And before any knee-jerk, defend-L.A.-at-all-cost naysayers start saying that slower traffic needs to move to the right, I should add that we were easily in the fastest moving lane on the freeway, and cars were more or less safely spaced out. Then enter stage right the jackhole in the shizzy Toyota Corolla. This tailgating punk in his late 20s with dark spiky hair was riding our ass pretty hard before he swerved to his right, glared at us as he sped past, and cut back in front (without signaling, naturally). Oh, did I mention that we were going 75 to 80 along with the other cars in this lane? Needless to say, this impatient fu*kwad then starts bumper humping the car that was previously in front of us. If you think the SUV in the #2 lane is riding close to the Penske truck, I should add that this gelled up moron in the Corolla was tailgating even harder at 5-10 MPH faster than the SUV. Seriously, what did this idiot want to accomplish? Did he really think he deserved to speed as fast as he wanted in the #1 lane, parting the entire litany of cars in front of him in the process? The silly thing about all this is that he actually exited the freeway only a couple miles later, solidifying his oblivious asshole status. Oh, I should also add that he was sucking the tailpipe of the car that was exiting in front of him on the off-ramp.

Impatient Arrogant Commercial Pickup in N. Hollywood

I-95, U-405 — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 07:50:53 +0000

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My general contractor sucks harder than a piglet on a sow’s tit, so service personnel have been on my sh*t list lately. I tried looking up JZ Services on the internet by name and using part of the phone number that I managed to capture in the photo, but no luck. Maybe they’re not legitimate, not webified, or are just a small-time operation. Needless to say, the owner or his workers don’t exactly score high marks for sensible driving. I was on the 134 West on-ramp on Riverside, just west of Lankershim, during morning rush hour. At this on-ramp, two lanes feed into one before the metered traffic signal. Cars were moving along nicely, and there wasn’t a long backed up line of cars either. Nevertheless, the toolbag driving this utility pickup still refused to merge neatly behind the car you see in front of me and instead insisted on splitting this single merging lane by squeezing along the shoulder. Once we were on the freeway, I noticed the driver and his coworker speeding away. Was this the most egregious incident of the day? Of course, not…not by a long shot. However, it is quite indicative of the senseless, me-first mentality that contributes to why driving in this town absolutely sucks harder than a piglet on a sow’s tit.