L.A. Can't Drive » Hollywood

Aggressive Arm Danglers Never Signal

I-95, U-405 — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 06:23:00 +0000

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

I went through my archives and found this photo taken on Melrose in Hollywood a couple months ago. Someone wrote to me the other day asking what was up with all these punks dangling their arms out their windows like limp dicks while they drive. That doesn’t really bother me as much as people who do this instead of signaling, as if either reaching over with their right hand was too much effort or getting melanoma on their arms was more important than communicating with other drivers. Needless to say, this particular jackass in this Acura (license plate 6DMT for Deficient Male Testicles) opted to grasp the roof of his car instead. He was consistently and erratically weaving without signaling between cars, refusing to commit to a lane, while tailgating any driver that had the audacity to be in front of him. And naturally, he didn’t make any headway by driving like a chicken with its head cut off.

Texting with Both Hands on the Freeway

I-95, U-405 — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 23:11:49 +0000

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

So many people are blatantly violating the no-texting law and the law that states that you are not allowed to have headphones in both your ears unless you’re hearing impaired that either law enforcement is not enforcing these violations or they may not even be aware of the existence of the second regulation in particular. I just finished closing on a house, and the incompetence, carelessness, and lack of professionalism I encountered just reinforces my belief that although idiots exist everywhere and in all fields of work, there are just more of these morons in Los Angeles. So is it ridiculous to surmise that a large percentage of the police force that’s meant to cite traffic violations have no idea that the bulk of the driving population is not supposed to have these white ear buds hanging out of both ears? I think not.

Anyway, this lady didn’t have anything in her ears, though she probably doesn’t have much between them for that matter. I caught this late 40s/early 50s, thin-framed brunette in her Honda Accord (license plate 6PXL) on the 101 Fwy N in Hollywood. It was taken during afternoon rush hour in building traffic…you could just feel the congestion mounting by the minute. Despite the heavy traffic and impatient drivers erratically zipping in and out of lanes, this lady still thought it was a good idea to type away on her Blackberry with not one but two hands. Any guesses on where her eyes were at? Apparently, she felt clairvoyant enough to sense traffic hazards without looking at the road and skilled enough to handle any situation by steering with her knee….or maybe she was steering with her mind. Wouldn’t that be something? It’s always pretty easy to spot texting drivers because they never can keep apace with traffic around them and are visibly too slow in reacting to changes on the road.

Both Driver and Passenger Texting Away

I-95, U-405 — Tue, 17 May 2011 06:01:03 +0000

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

Distracted Driver Month is over, and I’m curious to hear how many people were actually cited for hands-free cell phone and texting violations. It’s bad enough that we have an entire city of people who blatantly ignore this law because it’s an inconvenience to how they would like to spend their time in their vehicles, but what about a car with two grown adults in it texting away? That’s exactly what we have here in this photo of this silver Mercedes in early afternoon rush hour traffic on Highland in Hollywood. Stop-and-go traffic was erratic, yet these two morons felt entitled to text and browse away on their phones while refusing to keep up with traffic. It’s bad enough trying to get from block to block during rush hour; we don’t need toolbags like these fools to have a 40-foot gap between their vehicle and the car in front of them. And here’s a newsflash: A 40-foot gap closes real fast when you’re not looking at the road. For seconds at a time, both the driver and the passenger had their eyes off the road and glued to their cell phone/Blackberry screens. Really, now? Couldn’t one person drive and the other, say, manage the driver’s cell phone and respond to any pertinent messages if need be? They looked like a married couple, so privacy shouldn’t be an issue. Then again, this is L.A….maybe they are having simultaneous affairs and were texting to their respective lovers. Wouldn’t that make a completely awful B-rated Hollywood flick.

Transplant in Ford Texting While Steering with Her Knees

I-95, U-405 — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 00:49:55 +0000

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

I pick on Angelenos a lot for texting and driving, not only because it’s illegal and extremely unsafe but because we spend so many more hours behind the wheel than anyone else in the country. We need to concentrate on driving safely and defensively more than the average citizen because of the hours we log on the road, yet we fail to do this on a consistent basis. You will without fail see more than a handful of drivers texting, browsing, messaging on their phones while you’re driving on any given street in any given hour in this town. But to be fair, we all know that texting and driving is a national–even international–problem. I took a photo of this clueless brunette with Missouri license plates in a Ford (Focus, I think) on La Brea in Hollywood while stopped at a light. I first noticed her vehicle because she was swaying a tad in her lane and wasn’t keeping up with traffic. As I pulled closer, I saw her looking down, typing away into her smart phone/Blackberry with both hands, and steering with her knees. Oh, did I mention that it was stop-and-go rush hour traffic? Just what this town needs…another clueless transplant.

Selfish, Senseless Merging Habits

I-95, U-405 — Sat, 29 May 2010 04:31:43 +0000

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

This likely native in an old Toyota Corolla (license plate 4KDY) seems to have gotten the asshole freeway merging tactic down to a tee. I was traveling on the 101 Fwy N. during rush hour near the Gower off-ramp. First of all, I can’t stand the multitude of freeway on-ramps and off-ramps in L.A. where drivers literally have only a few hundred feet to negotiate getting on and off the freeway with other commuters. You would think the city could space out these ramps better. Anyway, this toolbag, like quite a few other selfish, impatient drivers, waited until the very last second to merge onto the freeway from one of these on/off-ramps. In fact, he missed the sloping off-ramp by a few feet as he cut over the solid white line “painted island divider” to cut in front. Seriously, would it have killed him to merge a few cars sooner? Do these people really think they’re saving time on their commute by playing chicken with their vehicles and skipping over a few extra cars at the risk of causing a collision or possibly even exiting the freeway (and having to come around again)? This jackass had a pretty nasty dent in the left rear quarter panel of his car, too….gee, I wonder how he got that.

Don’t Install Navigation Systems Directly in Front of Your Face

I-95, U-405 — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 02:27:44 +0000

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

A couple weeks ago I talked about how so many drivers in this town either don’t know or don’t care that they’re not supposed to drive around with a handicap placard hanging from the rearview mirror. You can actually get a citation for doing so, but then again that would require police officers to do their job. I suppose obstructing your viewing area out of your front windshield isn’t a big deal in this town. Some of you know that I do independent insurance adjusting work during the day, most of which involves auto liability cases. One of our clients is a rental car company, and there have been quite a few accidents involving drivers who turned left into opposing traffic without looking–even while running a red–because their navigation system told them to do so. Not too bright, right? Now what if you weren’t just listening to the directions spoken by your navigation system but were actually staring at the screen like a mini TV? Here’s a submission I got a few days ago:

“I was introduced to your website a few weeks ago by a friend – and I can’t agree more with all of your articles about crappy drivers in this town. It’s insane and getting worse. I saw this lady in a Camry driving down Santa Monica Boulevard in Hollywood last week. I couldn’t believe what I saw: she had a big GPS screen mounted to her dashboard and it was right in front of her face. Driving west in the afternoon, she had her sun visor down too. There’s barely any view through the windshield! I managed to get the attached photo when we stopped at a light – it’s low resolution, but you can see what I’m talking about. Another idiot on the streets of L.A.”

My last post had a photo of a lady who couldn’t care less that she was traveling 75 down a freeway while looking into her rearview mirror and applying makeup. So in that respect, the driver of this Camry is a saint by comparison. I don’t know if there are regulations regarding where you can place a detachable navigation system, like a Tom Tom or a Garmin, but I’m pretty sure you can’t have it in front of your face. Maybe a regulation doesn’t exist because no one would think anyone would be that stupid. Now I’m not completely obtuse…I get what this lady was trying to do; by having the navigation close to her face, she can check her directions without having to take her eyes too far off the road. But surely, having the nav system directly in front of your face can’t be the answer. (And before anyone argues this point, note that this photo is taken on an angle, and even then part of her face is obstructed.) Anyway, I wonder how this lady deals with changing lanes, like checking her sideview mirrors and blind spots. That involves a lot more head twisting and eyesight deviation than glancing at a nav that’s either built in or more appropriately installed in her vehicle. If she ever gets into a bad accident, god forbid, I’m sure the ER doctors will have a field day trying to remove her Magellan from her forehead.

We Are the City of Daydreaming Drivers

I-95, U-405 — Sun, 04 Apr 2010 02:44:10 +0000

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

We’ve all checked out at a red light at one point or another and have failed to realize that the traffic lights turned green. However, I sh*t you not, the driver of this Mercury Milan sat at the green arrow at Franklin and Highland for a good 4 to 5 seconds–no exaggeration. This was rush hour, so less than a second after the light changed to green, some drivers started tapping on their horns. However, the horn-tapping changed to all out blaring because this preoccupied moron absolutely would not move. Dude, everyone’s honking at you….It’s like walking into a 10 foot-long puddle of crap and not realizing it. And by no means is this an isolated incident, though I will admit this one was so bad that I started laughing; Los Angelenos are notorious for being distracted drivers. What else do you expect from a populace who spends more time behind the wheel stuck in traffic than anyone else in the nation? In this particular scenario, as annoying as it was, there wasn’t any risk to anyone’s life. However, I can’t even begin to tell you the number of drivers I have seen either completely ignoring (possible) or are completely unaware (more likely) of emergency vehicles coming down the road or around a turn. The flashing lights and loud sirens exist for a reason, folks. T-boning a fire truck probably won’t be looked upon too kindly by your auto insurance carrier. Let’s try to be a little bit more awake and focused behind the wheel, shall we?