“This guy parks like an asshole. Taking up three spots at Taco Bell on Bundy and Pico.”

Seriously, if that’s not lazy and inconsiderate, I don’t know what is. At least this guy was parked when the submitter encountered his car. One could only imagine how such a person would drive on the roads.

Here’s an SMS message submission we received: “My worst case scenario was a woman getting on the 805 freeway while breastfeeding, using her cell phone, smoking, and putting on her makeup.  She was driving a humongous SUV also. Thank goodness I was not getting on the freeway.”

I don’t know how this lady had enough hands to pull all that off, but there you have it. I’ve seen plenty of nutty stuff firsthand, so I can’t immediately discount this story as fake. However, breastfeeding while driving and smoking violates at least two laws right off the bat. It takes a very special person to put their child in such imminent and long-term danger at the same time.

Lastly, here’s a story of a commuter who frequents the canyons as I do:

“I live in Topanga Canyon, and the only way we get into or out of our community is to drive six miles on a two-lane winding road through the canyon. There aren’t very many places where you can overtake and pass another car safely, and during busy commute times, there’s often a solid stream of cars going through the canyon; so typically, the vehicle in front of you can’t go any faster than it is. Nevertheless, we still get some total jerks tailgating people – I’ve been behind some folks who are less than a car-length from the bumper ahead of them while going 40 mph. Often, you’ll see someone just pull over on a wide dirt shoulder just to shake the jerk behind them.

One morning at 5:30 am – I kid you not – on my way to a swim lesson, it was just me and two other cars going south to PCH. The guy in front of me hugged the bumper of the woman in front of him the entire six miles to the coast – this can be really scary on the “S” curves. At PCH where the road splits into two lanes, he pulled alongside her and rolled down his window and yelled out “Go back to FRANCE!” I have no idea what he meant! When the light changed, he roared around the corner and I made eye contact with her and just shook my head.”

So, hmm, this aggressive assnut encounters someone on the road who isn’t taking turns like an Indy race car driver, and he immediately assumes that person is from France? I wonder if he started calling french fries “freedom fries” when the French refused to support the U.S. invasion of Iraq in 2003. Regardless, tailgating on single-laned, winding canyon roads is a huge pet peeve of mine, especially during rush hour. Where do these people really expect traffic to go? Do these drivers actually expect one car after another to pull over to the side of the road to allow them to pass so that they can zip through hairpin turns as quickly as possible? I’ve given up trying to relate to the mind of a road raging prick…rather, I just blog about them.

Nonetheless, it doesn’t make the practice of cruising around with a dog in your lap any less idiotic. If holding a cell phone is deemed distracting and dangerous, I doubt cradling a Pekingese is any safer. The moronic brunette in this beaten up Mitsubishi (license plate 5JFF) traveling on Burbank Blvd. by Hazeltine had not one but two dogs with her in the front seat. Current California law states that nothing can obstruct the driver’s view through the windshield, though for some reason keeping Fido between the airbag and the driver is perfectly legal. A dog enjoying the wind in its face while obstructing the sideview mirror doesn’t seem to be a problem either. I’m sorry, I can’t speak for the rest of California, but L.A. honestly has the most distracted, ADD-plagued drivers I’ve ever seen. The last thing we need is another distraction in the front seat. Not only would the passage of this law have helped make the roads safer for everyone, but it would also have raised revenue for cities that badly need the positive cash flow.