L.A. Can't Drive » creeping

Blatant Red Light Runner from a Dead Stop

I-95, U-405 — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 03:46:00 +0000

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It’s been awhile since I’ve seen a red light runner this egregious, but after driving alongside this guy in his late 50′s in an older model Ford Explorer for several miles while going south on Sepulveda from the Valley, I figured he was more idiot than asshole. Allow me to elaborate: We were stopped at a red light on Sepulveda, much like what’s shown in this photo. This native (license plate 3UZ, red and beige Explorer with faded flames…yes, flames…painted on the side) was first at the light. We were stopped for several seconds when all of a sudden this mustached douche bag decided to run the red light. He didn’t gun it, he just started to accelerate as if the light changed to green. But alas, it was still red, and you can see the heads of all the other drivers stopped at the light turn and follow this guy, wondering what he was doing. He slowed for a fraction of a second as his rear bumper passed through the center of the intersection, at which point I’m guessing he realized that he just “crept” through a red light but decided to keep going since he’d already gone too far. I haven’t talked about creeping in awhile, but it’s a common habit of a lot of drivers here (in NYC, I really only saw cabbies doing it). Creeping is when you see a car start rolling into the intersection when the light is still red, as if the driver is anticipating when the light will turn green. Creeping makes absolutely no sense to me, since it’s not like you’re giving your car a head start. Is it some strange pet peeve of L.A. drivers that they MUST have their car in motion when the light turns green? I’ve seen creepers go pretty far into an intersection before the light actually changes, but I’ve only seen a handful of creepers actually full-blown run a red light like this tool. A cop would’ve had a field day with this one.

Red Light/Green Light

I-95, U-405 — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 05:50:09 +0000

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Two short submission for you all today, though I do have to give a shout-out to the bitch in the silver Toyota Rav4 today on Riverside in Toluca Lake who glared at us when she passed because we decided to coast to the red light in front of us instead of accelerate and then brake. You’re going nowhere fast, dipstick.

Anyway, this next tale also doesn’t have a photo:

“I know there is nothing funny about texting, but I just had to pass this on. I saw a guy in a Silver Dodge Ram pickup yesterday afternoon going east on Valencia Blvd. texting with both hands and laughing…I dunno which hand was driving.”

People seriously are not getting it in this town, though truthfully it seems to be more of a global phenomenon (did anyone see that UK PSA on texting?). How many close calls do we need to have before we get the message that texting and driving is seriously not OK? I’d hate to be on the receiving end of a texting moron in a pickup who wasn’t paying attention to where he was going. If Dante were alive today, he’d create a specific circle in hell for all the arrogant fuc*nuts who caused fatal car accidents because of texting while driving. Can you believe that it’s still not a moving violation in any state, despite the fact that multiple studies have stated that texting impairs your driving at least as much as alcohol does?

The next submission applies to the above photo:

“Took this one at Beverly and New Hampshire. This SUV first stopped at the limit line when the light went red but then suddenly decided to dart out into the intersection and wait in the middle while other cars were crossing at the moment. As you can see I’m directly behind the limit line (crosswalk) in this photo.”

I see people running red lights all the time, especially when they’re trying to a make a turn on a traffic arrow long after the light has turned red and when they were already well behind the limit line. But this driver took creeping to a whole new level. Newsflash, jackass: You stop for a red light at the limit line, not below the actual light.

New York Overtakes Miami as “Least Courteous” City in America

I-95, U-405 — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 00:17:50 +0000

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New York has overtaken Miami as the city with the angriest, most aggressive drivers according to a survey commissioned by the Affinion Group. Miami held that title for the last 4 years, but has dropped to no. 7. Dallas, Detroit, Atlanta, and Minneapolis round out the top 5. How about Los Angeles? Tied with San Francisco at no. 14. You can go to the Affinion site for more details on how the survey was conducted, the sample size, the rankings, etc. In short, a little over 2,500 telephone interviews were conducted with a random sampling of consumers in 25 major metropolitan areas in the U.S. A minimum of 100 interviews were completed in each of the 25 designated metro areas. MSNBC provides a summary of the survey, which mentions that Portland and Cleveland were ranked as the cities with the most courteous drivers. Here’s something we can relate to in L.A.: talking on a cell phone is the behavior that annoyed most motorists, as 84% of those surveyed deemed it as the behavior most likely to induce road rage. 43% of respondents see commuters cutting over without noticing, another common behavior of L.A. commuters (4-lane freeway switch in 50 feet, anyone?). You may or may not agree with the survey’s findings–for example, D.C. is listed as the 6th most courteous city, and Boston is 9th. Hmm, I don’t think I’m the only one to find those particular results quite peculiar. Either way, it definitely makes an interesting read.

Perhaps a survey should be done for cities with the most distracted drivers. If L.A. doesn’t make it in the top 5 on that list, then there’s something seriously wrong with that survey pool. This new member of the blue hair club in her black Mercedes CLK350 (above photo) was a perfect example. In between the moments when she was applying makeup in her car’s mirror, she would try to find openings where she can overtake other commuters during this morning’s rush hour…talk about multitasking. Anyway, she ended up to my right at a red light by Coldwater and Ventura, where Coldwater merges into one lane going south. Many pricks at this juncture try to ride the right-lane/soon-to-be-non-existent-right-lane as long as possible to leapfrog over as many cars as they can. It’s like a carnival game where each car they skip in front is a pink little coupon that can be redeemed for Bazooka blowing gum. Too bad they’re not redeemed for parking citations. Anyway, there were 2 traffic cops directing traffic at this intersection, particularly since they wanted to shunt cars over to the left before crossing Ventura due to property construction on the southwest side that was spilling out onto the road. As this lady took a break from applying her eyeliner and noticed that her plan was getting foiled, she started looking frazzled and proceeded to creep at the red light well before the light was about to turn green. Um, do you not see the traffic cops directly in front of you, woman? Right when the light turned green, she proceeded to step on her gas, not realizing that I wasn’t about to have a mini drag race in the presence of cops and construction crew. One of the cops and a guy holding a work sign started yelling at her to move to her left, at which point she signaled and cut over in front of me. I didn’t really care at this point, especially since people like this tend to burn out more neurons stressing about how to pull their next assholish stunt behind the wheel. I then noticed that she resumed putting on waaaay too much makeu and saw that she forgot to turn off her left signal in the process. All I gotta say is at least she wasn’t the lady I saw on Wilshire later that morning who was curling her eyelashes as her vehicle was in motion. What do you think would happen if she had to suddenly brake or if she got rear-ended? Wow, nothings more attractive than your right eye being completely devoid of lashes, as if it were the victim of localized radiation poisoning.

Granny in New Accord’s Got Ants in Her Pants

I-95, U-405 — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 06:43:43 +0000

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This old lady was moving so much behind the wheel that I don’t think she sat still for more than a few seconds the entire time I drove with her along Cahuenga and Magnolia in North Hollywood. She was driving a brand new Honda Accord (no license plates yet), so I guess she felt that she had a grace period to drive like a post-menopausal, sexually frustrated Dr. Ruth loyalist. Saying that she was an example of a distracted driver is an understatement. First and foremost, she never signaled–for anything. Even in L.A., you see more drivers signal for turns than lane changes, but she wasn’t even doing that. I was sitting behind her waiting to make a left turn onto Magnolia from Cahuenga when the light changed from green to yellow. While the lone car in the opposing lanes of traffic started to slow down to a stop, granny was too busy fidgeting around with her crap on her passenger seat or in her glove compartment (I couldn’t really see) to notice that she could safely initiate her turn. I patiently waited until the light turned red, at which point she still sat completely oblivious to the fact that her girdled ass was in the intersection and holding up traffic behind her (namely me) and perpendicular traffic on Magnolia. Finally, after about a second, I honked to tell her to wake the frack up. Yes, we’ve all zoned out at intersections before, but it’s probably a good idea for all of us to get in the habit of not fidgeting around in our cars if we’re the first ones at the limit line. Everyone else is depending on us to pay attention, and not doing so just increases traffic congestion, especially during rush hour. Thankfully, this was late in the morning and traffic was light.

Anyway, no big deal, right? Could’ve been an honest mistake, so I didn’t snap a photo of her at this point. But then what happened next? Her head kept bobbing up and down (no, not in a sexual way…stop grossing me out) and darting from side to side while we were traveling west on Magnolia, and I’m thinking someone mixed up her Boniva pills with Ritalin. At another red light at a small T-intersection, instead of zoning out like last time, granny decided that she didn’t want to wait for the light to turn green and started creeping into the intersection across the limit line. When the light turned green, 3/4 of her vehicle was already in the intersection. Finally, I was like, OK…this lady’s gotta get off the road and get her priorities in order. I snapped this as she swerved into the #2 lane to make a right turn–again, no signal and fidgeting incessantly the entire time.

Miss Daisy on Crack, Driving Herself

I-95, U-405 — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 08:20:09 +0000

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I don’t know what it is, but the most aggressive, cocky, and illogical drivers I’ve experienced over the last week and change have been nasty-looking women in their 40′s, 50′s, and 60′s. Now this isn’t a dig at a gender or an age group, since horrible drivers from all demographics are well-represented in this town. Rather, it truly is an anomaly for me to have encountered so many ya-yas from this sisterhood. Take the driver of this Mercury Grand Marquis LS with a handicap placard (no handicap license plate), who appeared to be in her early 60′s with way too much makeup on her face. If you have a handicap placard in your car, chances are you have some physical disability that limits your mobility. Or you might be someone who’s trying to scam the system for a “sweeter” parking spot. But if the former is the case, then maybe it’s not such a great idea to drive around like an aggressive, menopausal spinster with a complete disregard for traffic laws and common courtesy. This lady is one accident away from being relegated to a TLC Senior Helpers minibus; so why is she so eager to limit her freedoms and lose her ability to drive? My guess is that she probably doesn’t even think she’s a bad driver. Question, do delusional people qualify for handicap placards? After all, that’s a mental disability is it not? (And yes, those questions were sarcastic and rhetorical.)

I was visiting a friend this afternoon and exited the 101 Fwy at Woodman. At the base of the exit ramp in the right turn only lane there was an old Ford truck that broke down with a smoking engine (no hazard lights). As a result, there was a bit of delay as drivers tried to navigate around this incapacitated vehicle. While we were still stopped for the red light, this old lady in her Mercury pulled up to my left and stopped in the first of two left-turn lanes. I was stopped in the center turn lane, though the front left of my car was partially in her lane, since cars in front of me and to my right were all trying maneuver around this smoking Ford truck. This lady was no more than 10 feet away from the Ford and could clearly see what was going on. Now get this, before the light even turned green, this lady began to creep toward the intersection and toward my bumper. I started thinking that there’s no way she’d be that stupid to hit my vehicle. The second the light turned green, this angry prune started to honk. I mean honestly, lady, can’t you see what’s going on directly in front of you? Do you not see that smoking car? I mean, the Cheech and Chong were smoking the world’s largest bong underneath this truck’s hood, and commuters were all patiently taking turns to safely exit the off-ramp. Anyway, I eventually got out of this lady’s way, made my left turn, and ended up stopped next to her at another red light under the 101 overpass. I rolled down my window, stared at her, and asked what her problem was and if she even noticed the disabled vehicle. She just stared resolutely ahead with heavily-lidded eyes and a smirk on her whorish-red lips. As she passed, I let her drift in front of me (no signal, of course) so that I could take this photo at the next red light. This impatient, arrogant old prune then proceeded to creep at every single red light from the freeway off-ramp to Ventura Blvd. Her reflexes weren’t so great; on one occassion, she threatened to rear-end the car in front of her, and on another occassion she made a few pedestrians crossing the street think twice before crossing in front of her car. Thankfully, we parted ways as she made a right turn onto Ventura (again, no signal). Now ask yourself this: poor reflexes, angry, impatient, inconsiderate, inobservant, and fails to obey basic traffic laws. Is this someone you want to share your roads with on a daily basis?

More Pointless Leapfrogging on Crescent Heights

I-95, U-405 — Sun, 25 Jan 2009 09:15:58 +0000

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We were driving back to the Valley after meeting some friends at Tuk Tuk Thai (Robertson and Pico…highly recommend) and were driving up Crescent Heights with the camera out and ready. If any of you want to see what “leapfrogging” is firsthand, cruise on Crescent Heights. Without fail, you will see impatient assholes, like the driver of this Honda Civic, try to pass other drivers at every intersection where the #2 curb lane for parked cars is briefly unobstructed. Note the parked car in this photo, which is probably about 20 feet north of this intersection at 6th St. This fu*kwad stopped in the right lane at the red light next to the silver car in front of us, proceeded to creep (as if gearing up for a head start), and gunned it when the light turned green, cutting back into the #1 lane before colliding into the parked car. Why these drivers feel the need to have these mini drag races at every intersection is a complete mystery to me. Somehow, these asinine trolls failed to evolve with the rest of the human race and thrive off this primitive game of aggression. Although the car in front of us just took its neighbor’s pointless actions in stride and just accelerated normally when the light turned green, allowing the pencil-dicked jackass to cut in front, I’ve seen countless instances of where both cars slammed the pedal to the medal and where the car in the #2 lane narrowly avoided a serious auto collision. The Honda Civic is the no. 1 car in L.A. to get stolen, stripped, or broken into. Maybe the same thing will happen to this prick, which would at least keep him off the roads for a day or two.

Leapfrogging Escalade on Crescent Heights

I-95, U-405 — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 08:24:28 +0000

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Though I miss romping around my old neighborhood as frequently as I used to, I certainly don’t miss traveling up and down Crescent Heights. One big different I’ve noticed between driving in the Valley and driving in the West Side is that people in the Valley don’t really pull this using-the-parked-car-lane-as-a-passing-lane bullsh*t. Some of you already know that I call pointless passing like this leapfrogging. However, leapfrogging when there’s a parked car several feet in front of you is just pigheaded and stupid. Anyway, case in point: Moorpark is a frequent commuter route, and there are plenty of times where the #2 lane going either east or west becomes a parked car lane or a turn-only lane. What do most commuters do? They tend to just drive in the #1 lane, patiently driving behind the car in front of them until they reach the next leg of their commute. As a result, there’s less braking and cars move smoothly along. This does not happen nearly as often as it should south of Sunset. Now I know that there hasn’t been a post about an Escalade in awhile, though the assholes driving the majority of these tanks are still out there–they just tend to move too quickly to capture on camera. Lo and behold, I was driving down Crescent this morning in post rush hour morning traffic, and I came across this haughty-looking brunette trophy wife in a cream-colored Cadillac Escalade leapfrogging at every single intersection, knowing full well that there were parked cars in front of her and that the #1 lane was the only through-lane that remains completely unobstructed. I saw her leapfrogging behind me and pull up next to me at an intersection when we stopped for a red light. Sure enough, she started creeping at the red light until her vehicle was already halfway into the intersection by the time the light turned green. She stepped on her accelerator and cut in front; she was also too busy dangling her arm lazily out the window to signal. Without fail, I saw her pull this stunt over and over again up until I made a right onto Melrose. Naturally, I kept up since leapfrogging almost always leads to nothing in terms of time saved on one’s commute. I miss the restaurants in this area, but I certainly don’t miss the arrogant tools on these streets.