L.A. Can't Drive » BMW

BMW Hit-and-Run Driver

I-95, U-405 — Sat, 09 Jul 2011 06:57:15 +0000

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I’ve been working on a freelance blogging piece for CBS L.A., so I apologize in advance if my posts appear sporadic over the next week or so. Needless to say, when I got this submission of a hit-and-run from a reader, I had to share it with you all. Please, if you know of any information regarding this hit-and-run, please contact the LAPD:

“Enclosed is a photo of my parked car that got hit this morning (July 7). AGAIN. This is the second time in 2 years. but this time the driver drove off driving an expensive BMW. He hit two cars: one put into someone’s front yard, and me included. Typical hit and run. I am sick of LA, and the cops behaved like it was my fault. Please help me find the asshole who hit me.

On another note I was never treated so badly by the LAPD. The Vin Diesel look-alike basically said it was my fault that I didn’t hear, see, or correctly identify my car and its alarm. Other officers told me that they didn’t have the manpower to handle this. So how does a person who is not connected with the goverment get attention? Even if they die? I am looking out for the people like me that the LAPD could care less about, the middle class, the ones they say “oh well” to. The only hope is that the alley he drove down has video cameras. So if this scumbag is caught. The people of LA should come along for the ride.”

It’s because of crap like this and the plethora of uninsured and under-insured motorists in Southern California that I urge everyone to always have uninsured motorist property damage and bodily injury coverage on their auto insurance policies.

Learn How to Double-Park Without Being a Dick

I-95, U-405 — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 05:42:54 +0000

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First off, I want to apologize in advance for sporadic posts and tardy approvals on comments from new users. My family and I just sold our home and are in the process of packing and moving. Now, without further ado, here’s a submission sent to me a few days ago:

“This driver stopped illegally in the middle of a narrow street and refused to move even after he realized people were waiting behind him. Parking enforcement hotline couldn’t take any action unless they caught him themselves.”

If this street were divided by a dotted yellow line, then you could legally pass without a problem if there’s no incoming traffic. To be honest, though, I would’ve swerved around this dick while giving him a scathing look in the process. On a side note, would it have pained him to move his car over to the right? Temporarily blocking an unused driveway would’ve been better. On my street, you have tons of assholes or morons who have no idea how to interact with strangers parking smack in the middle of the street while waiting for their friends to leave their homes. And you know what else? I would bet these very same people do the same oblivious sh*t at the supermarket. Just the other day, some clueless-looking, fugly woman put her shopping cart directly in front of the entrance/exit to Trader Joe’s while she was checking out some flowers. Seriously, so many people in this town have their heads stuck so far up their asses that they can give themselves an enema just by spitting.

A Single Clueless Angeleno Lookie Loo Causes Traffic Congestion

I-95, U-405 — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 02:25:27 +0000

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No matter where you are, lookie loos who dawdle by traffic accidents on the freeway exponentially increase the time it takes for us to commute to and from work. However, lookie loos in L.A. are particularly bad because of the below average awareness the typical Angeleno has for those around him or her. In our insular automotive culture, where we tend to spend the bulk of our time in cars, in our place of work, or at home, we almost forget how to interact with strangers. Case in point, I was two cars behind this clueless brunette in her 40′s in this white BMW (license plate 5HZP) at Constellation Blvd. and Century Park West in Century City. There was a pretty bad traffic accident right at that T-intersection, which shut down a few lanes. Firetrucks, police, and ambulances were all present. It was also around 3:30 in the afternoon, and rush hour hadn’t really started yet, so traffic was quite light. We were sitting in the right turn only lane, where it was permitted to make a right turn on red. Though I saw a few cars traveling north on Century Park West passing by, there was plenty of time and room for this lady to have safely made a right turn on several occasions. Instead, she stayed put. Fine. I’m OK with that….a tad annoying, but I’d rather share the road with overly cautious drivers than overly aggressive drivers. However, when the light turned green, she just stayed there without moving. After a few seconds, it became clear that this lady wasn’t overly cautious–instead, she was an oblivious lookie loo who was staring at the accident, completely unaware of the traffic signal and the cars behind her waiting to make their turns. The driver in front of me started doing this, “OK, lady, let’s go…” gesture, and finally he and I both started honking to get this lady moving. Mind you, without exaggeration, about 7 seconds later, she was still sitting at the light! Finally, her less than stellar intelligence and observation skills registered the green light and honking cars, but her sense of self-entitlement still caused her to linger a few seconds longer as she slowly started to accelerate her car at a snail’s pace and make her turn. This egocentric lady still thought it was more important to take in this horrible car crash rather than move her clueless ass. By the way, though we were in a right turn only lane, the other lanes to our left that feed into Century Park West were blocked because of the accident, so essentially this lady felt completely unabashed to obstruct traffic from three different lanes to appease her morbid fascination for crunching metal and plastic. As we completed our turns, I saw her next drifting aimlessly back and forth over a few lanes on Century Park West before settling in this right turn only lane leading to Santa Monica–not signaling the entire time. Yes, this is a very small sample size of drivers, but those of you who follow this site know that this town is full of drivers with their heads stuck up their asses like this lady. This was only one clueless driver significantly holding up traffic; imagine a slew of moving fungaloids on the freeway.

Texting, Weaving Punk in BMW on the Freeway

I-95, U-405 — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 08:24:11 +0000

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I think studies have shown that the average text-and-driver frequently looks away from the road for five seconds at a time. I wonder how many of these morons would be willing to close their eyes for a good five seconds while driving on the freeway, since that’s essentially what they’re doing. In the event that you’re traveling 60 MPH on the freeway, you’re closing your eyes for precisely 440 feet if you’re texting and driving…which is exactly what this total dick in a BMW (license plate 6EJY) was doing on the 405 Fwy S. whenever he wasn’t tailgating or weaving between cars on the freeway. There were even times when we caught this punk looking down at his phone and texting while changing lanes. Naturally, he wasn’t signaling…I mean no one actually has a third arm. I suppose flirting with a fourth-rate booty call is more important than actually paying attention to driving on the freeway. During the short period where our cars were in close proximity with each other, it was like witnessing driving by Sybil; one second, he was weaving, tailgating, and speeding along….the next second, he was cruising along in a single lane while traveling significantly slower than the surrounding traffic. Maybe he was trying to cram a deep thought about drinking beer and jacking off to Ron Jeremy porn to a buddy in 140 characters or less. Either way, this toerag has a serious death wish, and one can only hope that he doesn’t take any of us along with him.

San Francisco vs. Los Angeles – Redux

I-95, U-405 — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 04:33:50 +0000

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So we’re back from San Francisco, and it has been almost 2 years exactly since I last did a comparison between SF and LA. We flew up there this time around and didn’t rent a car, so I was seeing everything from a pedestrian’s point-of-view. Perhaps I was a bit kind in my August 30, 2007, assessment of the driving ability in this town, or perhaps I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, but I actually witnessed one really bad collision (involving a sedan, a minivan taxi, and lots of airbags) and two very near misses that could’ve gone quite badly. The taxi drivers are as bad as the drivers in NY, though they are actually more dangerous since they can go much faster in less traffic congestion. They also signal way less than the taxi drivers in NY. In fact, the frequency of signaling for everyone I saw driving in SF went down on the whole from 2 years ago. Furthermore, there were more instances of leapfrogging at traffic signal regulated intersections. I don’t recall seeing any instances of leapfrogging from drivers other than taxi drivers 2 years ago. This has apparently changed. I’ve also noticed more drivers rolling through stop signs. In fact, one of the near misses involved one guy blowing through a stop sign and nearly getting T-boned by a service van. Now how about the positives? People were definitely doing more driving and less anything else while behind the wheel. If you told me that you saw something trying to fry an omelet in the passenger seat in LA, I wouldn’t be phased. In that respect, SF drivers are more like NYC drivers with a focused aggression behind the wheel. For the most part, the drivers up north are still very attentive to cyclists and pedestrians. Additionally, I only saw 2 drivers driving around at night without headlights on (one on each night I was there), and as we know that percentage is considerably better than anything you will see in LA. So there you have it…taxi drivers are insane, more aggression, less signaling, and on the other side you have more awareness of cyclists and pedestrians, proper usage of vehicle lamps, and less distractions while driving. Oh, I also saw less drivers holding cell phones are texting while driving, so that’s a big plus in my book.

I didn’t get any photos (I couldn’t whip out my phone fast enough), so I dug through the archives and found one of this BMW 328i on La Brea in Los Angeles. This impatient jackass was driving behind me in medium traffic and somehow felt the need to pull up beside me at Wilshire Blvd. at a red light. When the light turned green, naturally he gunned it and cut in front (no signaling) while missing parked cars in the curb lane by several feet. This type of mini-drag racing really boggles my mind since there is such a clear disparity between risk and reward. Then I suppose if you incorrectly treat driving like a game, concepts of safety and responsible driving become moot.

On a side note, I’ve done some freelance writing for Brand X, a publication affiliated with the L.A. Times. You can read my articles on the Bus Riders Union, digital road rage, and the new ignition interlock law here.

Another Jackass Who Thinks Driving is a Game

I-95, U-405 — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 02:56:51 +0000

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It’s hard to see the circled BMW convertible in this photo, but I had to share. I took this right when the light turned green and this selfish, arrogant piece of cow dung started to leapfrog over cars in the #2 lane by using the unmarked curb lane for parked vehicles. He did this every single friggen time we hit a red light intersection. How do I know this? I kept apace with him just by staying in the #2 lane. It’s like I’ve always said: senseless, aggressive behavior rarely gets you anywhere faster than if you just drove like a normal human being. This toolbag incessantly weaved back and forth between the #1 lane and the curb lane for parked cars without signaling, unapologetically cutting off drivers the entire time we were traveling west on Camarillo/Riverside in N. Hollywood and Studio City. Not once did you see this cocky toerag turn his head to check for clearance, as if it were the responsibility of other drivers to suddenly brake and accommodate his impatient, erratic behavior. And do you know why this town has so many drivers who do this? It’s because law enforcement allows them to get away with it. I don’t understand how a town that will ticket you for jaywalking across an empty intersection at a drop of a hat thinks it’s perfectly acceptable for aggressive assholes to have mini drag races at countless intersections. It’s almost as if deeming something as reckless behavior only applies if the offender isn’t in a vehicle.

Dogs Don’t Drive

I-95, U-405 — Mon, 24 May 2010 06:57:20 +0000

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So this is short and sweet, since I just saw Lost and have much to discuss and digest. But I did want to share this driving stereotype. Asian lady driving a BMW 325i with a Yorkshire Terrier on her lap. I have seen more Yorkies and Pugs with driver’s licenses in Los Angeles than anywhere else. I took this photo in Burbank on Barham.