L.A. Can't Drive » aggressive

Leapfrogging Wannabe Punk in Accord

I-95, U-405 — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 08:05:46 +0000

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Some people just look the part of asshole driver. The punk with his straight-billed baseball cap (oh, I think the going lingo is “lid” now) and his wannabe I’m a douchebag lean behind the wheel was driving this shizzy Honda Accord (license plate 5TZK) in Sherman Oaks on Burbank Blvd. When you’re just west of Sepulveda, the rightmost lane on Burbank Blvd. is pretty much intended to be a right-turn-only lane. If you go straight, you have the option of turning right into a Shell gas station or plowing directly into the rear of a parked vehicle along the curb. Most drivers around these parts, particularly those who exit the 405 Fwy at Burbank Blvd., already know this fact. And even if you didn’t, the steep downhill slope of the road gives you plenty of visibility of traffic flow and the makeup of the road in front of you. Unfortunately, this is also a favorite leapfrogging spot for egocentric jackasses who all too often treat driving like a pissing contest. In this instance, I was making my way down the slope across Sepulveda Blvd. when I noticed this punk in my rear and sideview mirrors refusing to merge to his left along with the rest of eastbound Burbank traffic. Judging by his speed, I knew he wasn’t heading toward the gas station, so I let up on my accelerator in an act of defensive driving. On the other hand, this punk probably thought I was going to gun it and try to prevent him from “cutting” in front, and I heard him step on his gas pedal and shoot past me to my right, nearly running into the back of parked sedan just east of the gas station driveway. That’s when I got a good look at this insecure, dumb-looking sh*tlet. Anyway, I had no interest in playing a petty racing game with someone who I felt was less evolved than me, and I gave him ample room to move in front (without signaling, of course). Hey, even tapeworms need a win once in awhile.

Clueless Tailgating Transplant Still Doesn’t Know CA Driving Laws

I-95, U-405 — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 08:47:37 +0000

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Alright people…if you move to California, you have an obligation to pick up that flimsy little driver’s handbook and learn the laws and regulations concerning this state. It’s not exactly heavy reading, and you can easily flip through it while you’re waiting to speak with someone at the DMV. The brunette in her 20s driving this pale blue Lexus SC 400 (license plate 6RHP) seemed like a transplant; though I’m not good with the make, model, and year of most vehicles, her shizzy, “old-looking” car seemed to be in pretty poor condition for a vehicle with a relatively new license plate number; if she were a transplant, judging by the plate, she would’ve been in L.A. for about a year now. The good news? She didn’t lose her habit of signaling for lane changes and turns. The bad news? She still doesn’t know that you need to have your low beam headlights on whenever it’s raining outside and your windshield wipers are operating, regardless of the time of day. I know I sound like a broken record at this point for many of you, but the auto headlight setting does NOT turn your lights on when it’s raining in the daytime. Even if you wanted to give her a pass on this law that’s been around for years, she was still riding my ass in the #2 lane on Burbank Blvd. in Sherman Oaks in late morning rush hour traffic. Oh, did I mention that it was raining? Not too bright is she? Someone ought to tell her that the Lexus she got from her inherited from her parents when she moved cross country doesn’t stop on the dime, especially on wet, slick roads where it doesn’t rain all too often. To top it off, after she passed us on the left and cut back in front, she turned right off Burbank about a block later. Really? Couldn’t wait the few extra seconds to make that right? Impatient drivers never–and I mean never–see the forest for the trees.

Brand New Pickup Has Asshole Owner

I-95, U-405 — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 05:05:54 +0000

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Well, this is just great. Another aggressive, impatient, arrogant piece of rat sh*t on our roads in a brand new, unplated pickup truck. I was driving home from picking up my son at daycare during evening rush hour. We were on Burbank Blvd. going west, where the street frequently varies from one to two westbound lanes. Frustrating? Yes, and Magnolia (the next major thoroughfare south) is the same way. Chalk it up to poor city planning, if you will. Regardless, given that it was rush hour, you pretty much just had to suck it up and deal with the stop and go traffic. Then again, this leapfrogging asshole felt like using his new gas-guzzling toy as a wedge to cut between other drivers whenever he had the chance. In this particular scenario, this guy refused to merge safely behind other cars when Burbank was narrowing into one westbound lane, ignoring clear signs and lane markings. When a driver next to him was going to let him in, this egocentric asswipe then felt entitled to leapfrog over a few more cars and drove forward instead of falling in line, this time ignoring a right turn only lane. By the time this photo was taken, we had a single westbound lane and a curb lane for parked vehicles. Pencil dick then had no choice but to jam his car in between two other vehicles. He made a right at the next major thoroughfare (Whitsett, I think), at which time all the other drivers he “successfully” leapfrogged over caught up with him by the time he executed his turn. Soooo….again I ask, what’s the frackin’ point for driving like cracked out prick?

Tailgating Poser Punk in Shizzy Corolla

I-95, U-405 — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 04:54:17 +0000

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Last Sunday, we decided to take advantage of the beautiful weather and head up to the Santa Barbara Zoo. Traffic was light and moving along nicely. We were traveling in the #1 lane of the 101 Fwy N, and all the cars in this lane were moving along at a nice clip (75 to 80 MPH). And before any knee-jerk, defend-L.A.-at-all-cost naysayers start saying that slower traffic needs to move to the right, I should add that we were easily in the fastest moving lane on the freeway, and cars were more or less safely spaced out. Then enter stage right the jackhole in the shizzy Toyota Corolla. This tailgating punk in his late 20s with dark spiky hair was riding our ass pretty hard before he swerved to his right, glared at us as he sped past, and cut back in front (without signaling, naturally). Oh, did I mention that we were going 75 to 80 along with the other cars in this lane? Needless to say, this impatient fu*kwad then starts bumper humping the car that was previously in front of us. If you think the SUV in the #2 lane is riding close to the Penske truck, I should add that this gelled up moron in the Corolla was tailgating even harder at 5-10 MPH faster than the SUV. Seriously, what did this idiot want to accomplish? Did he really think he deserved to speed as fast as he wanted in the #1 lane, parting the entire litany of cars in front of him in the process? The silly thing about all this is that he actually exited the freeway only a couple miles later, solidifying his oblivious asshole status. Oh, I should also add that he was sucking the tailpipe of the car that was exiting in front of him on the off-ramp.

Impatient Arrogant Commercial Pickup in N. Hollywood

I-95, U-405 — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 07:50:53 +0000

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My general contractor sucks harder than a piglet on a sow’s tit, so service personnel have been on my sh*t list lately. I tried looking up JZ Services on the internet by name and using part of the phone number that I managed to capture in the photo, but no luck. Maybe they’re not legitimate, not webified, or are just a small-time operation. Needless to say, the owner or his workers don’t exactly score high marks for sensible driving. I was on the 134 West on-ramp on Riverside, just west of Lankershim, during morning rush hour. At this on-ramp, two lanes feed into one before the metered traffic signal. Cars were moving along nicely, and there wasn’t a long backed up line of cars either. Nevertheless, the toolbag driving this utility pickup still refused to merge neatly behind the car you see in front of me and instead insisted on splitting this single merging lane by squeezing along the shoulder. Once we were on the freeway, I noticed the driver and his coworker speeding away. Was this the most egregious incident of the day? Of course, not…not by a long shot. However, it is quite indicative of the senseless, me-first mentality that contributes to why driving in this town absolutely sucks harder than a piglet on a sow’s tit.

Pri-ass Strikes Again

I-95, U-405 — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 04:30:20 +0000

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Alas, I have to apologize once again for my sporadic posts. I have officially lost track of what day it is, since I’m essentially up all the time with a newborn in the house. Anyway, I’ve often heard Priuses affectionately called Priasses in L.A. Owners like the one driving the one above are reasons why. Here’s what the person who submitted this photo said:

“Once again, a fairly open lot, but someone is lazy. Maybe I should park in the lines right to the rear and watch from a distance to laugh so it can’t pull out.”

I’ve seen people on other forums actually try to justify people parking like this in empty lots. I’m sorry, but if you have to draft up some cogent argument to explain why you’re allowed to park like a lazy, apathetic asshole, then you seriously need a reality check. There isn’t some imaginary threshold for parking lots where if enough cars enter the lot, then drivers must start parking in the designated parking spots. That argument is like people who say that they only signal if there are cars around them. First off, do you actually know if there’s a car, cyclist, pedestrian, etc. observing your car when you’re executing a turn? Do you truly exhaust all your mirrors and blind spots before ascertaining whether or not you should signal? That would be absurd…rather, it’s much easier to just signal at all times–you don’t have to think about it, and eventually it becomes a half-conscious habit. Bottom line is this: you should never have to find reasons not to do the right thing, but rather doing the right thing should always be second nature.

New California Booster Law in Effect on January 1, 2012

I-95, U-405 — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 22:15:03 +0000

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There is a new California booster law going in effect on January 1, 2012, which states that children under 8 or children under 4 feet 9 inches in height (including children 8 or older) must be buckled into a booster seat in the back seat. Previously, the booster law stated that only children 6 and under or who weighed 60 pounds or less had to remain in a booster seat. Of course, this won’t matter a bit to oblivious parents like the moron I encountered last week who was driving around with his daughter who couldn’t have been older than 5 in the front seat. She was so short, the seat belt looked like it was wrapping around her chin. Let’s just hope law enforcement will be more alert regarding enforcing this new law unlike previous safety laws and regulations that have passed in the past.

Moving along, the above photo deals with two dicks in their twenties in a small SUV with vanity plates (starts with KCH). As always, you need to be extra mindful of drivers with vanity plates; the higher correlation between vanity plates and bad driving is unmistakable in this town. The post-Christmas morning rush hour roads were still empty, and traffic was moving along Burbank at around 45 MPH, 10 MPH above the posted speed limit. These impatient asswads still felt the need to flex the puny muscle in their pathetic mini gas-guzzler by riding the ass of any driver in front of them in both the #1 and #2 eastbound lanes. They never signaled as they zigzagged between cars, yet they really never made any headway as I easily caught up to them at each subsequent red light. They should probably ease up on the erratic weaving and braking, since I passed by one of their gonads that flew out the window.