L.A. Can't Drive

Prius Driver Blatantly Ignores No Turn on Red Signs

I-95, U-405 — Thu, 17 May 2012 05:04:16 +0000

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One of my biggest gripes about this town is that people in general don’t pay attention to anything. The average Angeleno has below-average observation skills and bodily awareness, if you will. We really do live in such an insular society here that people forget how to interact with strangers. Morons will stop and park their huge shopping carts in the middle of a busy Costco aisle while waiting to get a small sample of tortilla encrusted tilapia on a toothpick. Other morons will stop walking along Montana with their dogs to chat with a friend, completely oblivious to the fact that they are now blocking the entire sidewalk by not chatting to the side and letting their leashed animals roam freely. And yet other morons will crawl along in their cars without signaling and looking completely lost in a busy through lane while staring absentmindedly at house numbers and street names. Often times, repeated shouts of excuse me (or in the last case, a car honk) doesn’t snap these people out of their dreamlike states. A total stranger speaking to moi? Impossible! In other instances, you’ll get a reproachful glare from these folks in return as if you had some nerve to rush them in whatever they were doing. Wake up, folks, the world doesn’t revolve around you.

Anyway, the middle-aged driver in a red polo, black baseball cap, and a mustache that would make the Lorax blush in this silver Toyota Prius (license plate 6AFL), falls into this ilk of oblivious Angelenos. We exited the 405 Fwy S. on Sunset, and this guy completely ignored multiple signs (including the one circled) that clearly state that no turn on red onto Sunset Blvd. was allowed. This guy either didn’t see the sign or didn’t care and proceeded with his turn. At least he was signaling–I’ll give him that–though a cop seeing this would’ve cared less and cited this fool for running a red light. Regardless, with the way he was taking these turns and various side streets (I followed him until we turned together onto San Vicente), you can pretty much assume that he was familiar with these roads. So one would have to wonder how many times did he have the chance to see these “no turn on red” signs at the end of this freeway off-ramp over time. People, road construction frequently changes various parts of our commuter routes. It is our responsibility to make sure that we’re paying attention to signs, traffic signals, and lane markings so that we not only obey traffic regulations but also don’t put other drivers in danger for being so inattentive.

Hey, Mr. Flatbed! Don’t Block the Intersection

I-95, U-405 — Tue, 15 May 2012 06:21:02 +0000

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We all know not to block intersections. Yet, we’ve all done it from time to time. However, what if you drive a big ass flatbed? One would assume that you would have an added obligation driving a commercial vehicle of this size to make sure that you’re obeying all traffic laws and regulations. Alas, the either clueless or apathetic driver of this flatbed (license plate 4FU…how fitting) could care less that he was roadblocking the entire intersection and any access to or from a side street on Lankershim just north the intersection of death in North Hollywood. Never mind that I clearly came to a halt and stopped where I did so that I wouldn’t block the intersection well before this flatbed (it had to be what, 40-50 feet long) pondered up to my right and just kept on going. Ironically, people like this who tend to contribute the most to traffic congestion are the ones who complain the loudest.

Stubborn Fat Fool Never Puts Down Phone Despite Near Misses

I-95, U-405 — Sat, 12 May 2012 07:50:15 +0000

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If you made a mistake and nearly hurt yourself in the process, you think you would learn from the incident and try to be more careful, wouldn’t you? Say, if someone were cooking some pasta and nearly spilled the entire pot of boiling water onto his hands because he was moving too quickly to the kitchen sink, you would think this person would immediately try to be more attentive. Well, unfortunately, the same doesn’t seem to hold true for the dumbass drivers in this town. This fat fu*ker in a beaten up old red Toyota was too enamored with having a smart phone in his hand that he clearly forgot that he should be driving rather than browsing while on the road. What sorcery is this! Such resplendent fairies dancing behind glass and obeying my every touch! Furthermore, he was traveling on Sepulveda north, which doesn’t exactly run flat and straight. Needless to say, not only was he unable to keep up with rush hour traffic but he also kept veering in his lane and nearly ran his fat ass off the road. At each close encounter, he never learned and refused to put down his phone. God help the poor soul on the other end of this fool’s fender if he ever gets into an accident for being completely checked out from behind the wheel.

Aggressive Mazda6 Leapfrogs and Tailgates Motorcyclist

I-95, U-405 — Wed, 09 May 2012 18:02:27 +0000

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

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This smug tool with heavy eyelids driving this Mazda6 (license plate 6UUM) is a reckless asshole who needs his driver’s license revoked. First off, he was tailgating all along Sepulveda Blvd. north in afternoon rush hour, despite the fact that traffic was moving along pretty well. You would think one would be thankful for such smooth sailing at these hours. But then again, impatient, arrogant toerags are never happy with any traffic conditions and will always find an excuse to drive like a dumbass.

Right before we entered a tunnel on Sepulveda, the two northbound lanes merged into one. Yet this guy still felt the need to leapfrog one car (namely me) and cut back in front before careening into the side of the mountain. The fact that he didn’t signal is an obvious afterthought. Afterwards, I saw him tailgating one driver after another (see Exhibit A), changing lanes whenever he could but still not really making any headway. What really pissed me off is when I saw him tailgating a motorcyclist (see Exhibit B). I think the statistics state that you’re 35 times (or so) more likely to die in an automobile accident if you ride a motorcycle. Well, sharing the road with conscienceless toolbags like this guy certainly don’t help your chances.

Yes, folks, people here are really that stupid. Is it worth committing first degree vehicular manslaughter in an attempt to shave seconds off of your commute?

Leapfrogging Mercedes Ignores Freeway Median

I-95, U-405 — Mon, 07 May 2012 02:08:34 +0000

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This balding, middle-aged, arrogant fat piece of lard in a silver Mercedes exemplifies the egocentricity that permeates the roads of L.A. just as surely as our smog blankets our air. I took this in my sideview mirror while stopped in late morning rush hour traffic by the 101/405 Fwy interchange. Naturally, we saw our fair share of leapfroggers and last minute lane changers who could care less that they were holding up traffic in the 101 Fwy through lane. However, this insecure toolbag took the prize for asshole of the day by blatantly ignoring the painted freeway median and cutting in front of the car behind me before he reached the raised concrete median. I’m sorry, but if you feel so badly about being overweight and balding, try exercising, eating better, and getting follicle implants, but don’t start taking it out on other drivers, pencil dick. I seriously wanted to smack that smug look off his face, but I resigned myself to snapping this photo instead. I didn’t get a read off his license plate since he didn’t have one attached to his front bumper.

Four out of Five Morons Ignorant of Wiper Law

I-95, U-405 — Fri, 04 May 2012 06:50:03 +0000

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I pulled this one out of the archives. It was taken a couple weeks ago during the rain we had over a few days in mid-April. I may have given a particular mention to the taxi cab SUV you see in the distance for driving around in steady rain on a cloudy day during rush hour without any head or taillights on. However, as you can clearly see, that guy wasn’t alone. In this random photo taken on Burbank Blvd., four out of five cars in the frame are driving around without their lights on. And for all we know, the car coming from the opposite direction may only have its daytime running lights going. Way to go, L.A.!

Erratic Dumbass in Lexus on Wet Freeway Roads

I-95, U-405 — Wed, 02 May 2012 07:20:18 +0000

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Alright, we know that Angelenos don’t know how to drive in the rain. We all get it. But one would think that anyone who’s a member of the species at the top of the food chain would have some semblance of common sense and a drive for self-preservation that he/she would make a reasonable attempt to curb reckless driving when the road is wet. Not this lobotomized moron in a Lexus IS250 (license plate 6TCS). We saw this clueless halfwit on the 101 Fwy South heading toward the 134 Fwy East interchange. When the freeways were diverging, she realized that she was heading in the wrong direction and cut over the freeway shoulder at top speeds into one of the 134 Fwy lanes directly in front of a road raging truck driver. First of all, this is a dumbass move in sunny, dry conditions. But doing so when the road is wet, and cutting in front of a Pitbull in a pickup to boot, is just a death wish waiting to happen. She then continued to speed along the 134 Fwy completely ignoring or being oblivious to other drivers who were signaling to get in her lane to exit the freeway. I’m sorry, people, but if you’re opting to drive in the slowest lane on the freeway, you better have some merging/lane-negotiating skills…expect people cutting in front and behind you; you most certainly don’t mentally check out. Stupidassho nearly caused a few accidents by either lane-blocking or coincidentally shadowing in someone’s blind spot. Off topic, have you ever noticed that people with their heads stuck up their asses tend to have the worst timing in general? I’m talking about in everything in life, not just about driving. Anyway, she eventually exited at Pass Ave., at which point I gladly took this photo to post to the wall of shame. Wake the frack up behind the wheel and no where you’re going, moron.