L.A. Can't Drive » tailgating

Private School Brat Runs a Red Light to Net 50 Feet

I-95, U-405 — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 09:09:56 +0000

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This kid’s dad might want to think twice about having given his son a Range Rover (license plate 6PIV). This little speeding, tailgating punk just screamed private school brat. He’s a proud 2012 graduating senior, though, which one could gather from the large inscription written in red soap across his rear windshield. From what I saw all along Beverly Glen, he was tailgating the driver in front of him on this single, winding northbound lane and speeding whenever he got a hair’s breadth of room in front of him. The kicker is when he pointlessly and blatantly ran a red light just south of Mulholland by this housing community. It was afternoon rush hour, and his choices were to either slow to a stop before the red light or run it and stop 50 feet later. For some oblivious reason, he chose the latter option. Might I add that this wasn’t a situation of when the light just changed from yellow to red. It was redder than an Asian on his tenth vodka shot. I snapped this photo as the light turned back to green a few seconds later. Way to go genius…hopefully, your dad has enough money to bribe a school that’s way out or your league to accept you in a last ditch effort that you’ll actually learn something before you have to fend for yourself.

Inattentive, Aggressive Lady in Lexus SUV

I-95, U-405 — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 05:58:47 +0000

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The ugly, aggressive biznatch in her 40s driving this Lexus SUV (license plate 6EJF) really needed to hang up the cell phone she was holding in her hand and pay attention to road conditions around her. We were traveling north on Beverly Glen during the thick of evening rush hour, and she threatened to rear-end us on multiple occasions by driving so close to our rear bumper. On two separate incidents, she almost rolled into us when we were stopped in traffic–she simply let her foot off her brakes while she was browsing on her smart phone, oblivious to the fact that we weren’t inching forward. When she was driving with her eyes forward instead of on her phone’s screen, she insisted on riding our ass all the way through the single northbound lane on Beverly Glen. I cannot stress enough how much tailgating in single-laned canyon roads is such a pet peeve of mine. I mean, seriously, you must be a fuc*in’ moron not to see the litany of cars in front of the driver whose tailpipe you’re sucking harder than a co-ed stoner on a bong. My wife snapped this photo when this hozbeast–predictably–sped past us to our right when Beverly Glen briefly opened up to two lanes just south of Mulholland. Unfortunately for this impatient, wiry-haired brunette, her lane ended up moving more slowly than the #1 lane through this bottleneck, and she soon fell behind once again.

Clueless Tailgating Transplant Still Doesn’t Know CA Driving Laws

I-95, U-405 — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 08:47:37 +0000

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Alright people…if you move to California, you have an obligation to pick up that flimsy little driver’s handbook and learn the laws and regulations concerning this state. It’s not exactly heavy reading, and you can easily flip through it while you’re waiting to speak with someone at the DMV. The brunette in her 20s driving this pale blue Lexus SC 400 (license plate 6RHP) seemed like a transplant; though I’m not good with the make, model, and year of most vehicles, her shizzy, “old-looking” car seemed to be in pretty poor condition for a vehicle with a relatively new license plate number; if she were a transplant, judging by the plate, she would’ve been in L.A. for about a year now. The good news? She didn’t lose her habit of signaling for lane changes and turns. The bad news? She still doesn’t know that you need to have your low beam headlights on whenever it’s raining outside and your windshield wipers are operating, regardless of the time of day. I know I sound like a broken record at this point for many of you, but the auto headlight setting does NOT turn your lights on when it’s raining in the daytime. Even if you wanted to give her a pass on this law that’s been around for years, she was still riding my ass in the #2 lane on Burbank Blvd. in Sherman Oaks in late morning rush hour traffic. Oh, did I mention that it was raining? Not too bright is she? Someone ought to tell her that the Lexus she got from her inherited from her parents when she moved cross country doesn’t stop on the dime, especially on wet, slick roads where it doesn’t rain all too often. To top it off, after she passed us on the left and cut back in front, she turned right off Burbank about a block later. Really? Couldn’t wait the few extra seconds to make that right? Impatient drivers never–and I mean never–see the forest for the trees.

Tailgating Poser Punk in Shizzy Corolla

I-95, U-405 — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 04:54:17 +0000

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Last Sunday, we decided to take advantage of the beautiful weather and head up to the Santa Barbara Zoo. Traffic was light and moving along nicely. We were traveling in the #1 lane of the 101 Fwy N, and all the cars in this lane were moving along at a nice clip (75 to 80 MPH). And before any knee-jerk, defend-L.A.-at-all-cost naysayers start saying that slower traffic needs to move to the right, I should add that we were easily in the fastest moving lane on the freeway, and cars were more or less safely spaced out. Then enter stage right the jackhole in the shizzy Toyota Corolla. This tailgating punk in his late 20s with dark spiky hair was riding our ass pretty hard before he swerved to his right, glared at us as he sped past, and cut back in front (without signaling, naturally). Oh, did I mention that we were going 75 to 80 along with the other cars in this lane? Needless to say, this impatient fu*kwad then starts bumper humping the car that was previously in front of us. If you think the SUV in the #2 lane is riding close to the Penske truck, I should add that this gelled up moron in the Corolla was tailgating even harder at 5-10 MPH faster than the SUV. Seriously, what did this idiot want to accomplish? Did he really think he deserved to speed as fast as he wanted in the #1 lane, parting the entire litany of cars in front of him in the process? The silly thing about all this is that he actually exited the freeway only a couple miles later, solidifying his oblivious asshole status. Oh, I should also add that he was sucking the tailpipe of the car that was exiting in front of him on the off-ramp.

New California Booster Law in Effect on January 1, 2012

I-95, U-405 — Tue, 27 Dec 2011 22:15:03 +0000

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There is a new California booster law going in effect on January 1, 2012, which states that children under 8 or children under 4 feet 9 inches in height (including children 8 or older) must be buckled into a booster seat in the back seat. Previously, the booster law stated that only children 6 and under or who weighed 60 pounds or less had to remain in a booster seat. Of course, this won’t matter a bit to oblivious parents like the moron I encountered last week who was driving around with his daughter who couldn’t have been older than 5 in the front seat. She was so short, the seat belt looked like it was wrapping around her chin. Let’s just hope law enforcement will be more alert regarding enforcing this new law unlike previous safety laws and regulations that have passed in the past.

Moving along, the above photo deals with two dicks in their twenties in a small SUV with vanity plates (starts with KCH). As always, you need to be extra mindful of drivers with vanity plates; the higher correlation between vanity plates and bad driving is unmistakable in this town. The post-Christmas morning rush hour roads were still empty, and traffic was moving along Burbank at around 45 MPH, 10 MPH above the posted speed limit. These impatient asswads still felt the need to flex the puny muscle in their pathetic mini gas-guzzler by riding the ass of any driver in front of them in both the #1 and #2 eastbound lanes. They never signaled as they zigzagged between cars, yet they really never made any headway as I easily caught up to them at each subsequent red light. They should probably ease up on the erratic weaving and braking, since I passed by one of their gonads that flew out the window.

Merry Christmas, and Watch Out for Assnuts

I-95, U-405 — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 21:40:49 +0000

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Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope you’re all enjoying your extended holiday. We averted a minor fire in our house from an Illuminations candle that went rogue. Word of advice, if you notice the flame going out of control, don’t cut the wick. Rather, scoop out some excess wax instead. Anyway, for those of you on the road on arguably one of the emptiest days of the year in Los Angeles, still watch out for senseless drivers like the young girl and her boyfriend driving this crappy Honda Accord (license plate 6CHH). This was taken a few days ago on the 210 Fwy East. The roads were practically empty, and cars were moving along at a balmy 75-80 MPH. This clueless girl was cruising along in the carpool lane, oblivious to the fact that she was actually traveling slower than the other lanes of traffic and was holding up cars behind her. So when it was legal to do so, this van cut out from behind her, passed to her right in the #1 lane, and cut back in before the carpool lane border became double yellow again. Rather than understand that she wasn’t keeping up with the pace of traffic, this vindictive whack-job started to speed up and viciously tailgate the van driver…at 80+ MPH. Listen people, if you can’t keep up with the car in front of you, move over to the right. It’s as simple as that. And for god’s sake, don’t clog up the carpool lane for other drivers. It’s not your job to enforce to the speed limit, though in this particular scenario, this road raging bitznatch just never picked up the habit of checking her mirrors while driving. With a vengeful attitude like hers, it’s no wonder that her vehicle was a dented, scratched-up piece of sh*t. Maybe she hails from D.C., where drivers are four times more likely to ram their cars into others in a fit of road rage.

Impatient Weaving Punk in Toyota Corolla

I-95, U-405 — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 06:13:53 +0000

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Yo, bro, go on trollin’ the streets with yo’ hard self and yo’ bad ass Corolla (license plate 6MWX). This gym rat in his late 20′s/early 30′s was erratically zigzagging without signaling along Victory Blvd. during rush hour, trying to find the lane of least resistance. Yeah, good luck with that moron. Obviously, he didn’t make any headway with his incessant tailgating, and we snapped this photo at a red light near Van Nuys. Instead of impatiently cutting off other drivers and contributing to the congestion by adding unnecessary brake lights to everyone’s commute, this closeted J-Beebs fan should just stick to one friggen lane and quietly rock out to “Baby” as if he were listening to Tupac. Oh, by the way, someone should tell this foo’ to turn on his headlights at dusk. If he doesn’t change his senseless aggressive driving, at least he’ll be more visible to other drivers who actually do check their rear and sideview mirrors.