L.A. Can't Drive » speeding

Private School Brat Runs a Red Light to Net 50 Feet

I-95, U-405 — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 09:09:56 +0000

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This kid’s dad might want to think twice about having given his son a Range Rover (license plate 6PIV). This little speeding, tailgating punk just screamed private school brat. He’s a proud 2012 graduating senior, though, which one could gather from the large inscription written in red soap across his rear windshield. From what I saw all along Beverly Glen, he was tailgating the driver in front of him on this single, winding northbound lane and speeding whenever he got a hair’s breadth of room in front of him. The kicker is when he pointlessly and blatantly ran a red light just south of Mulholland by this housing community. It was afternoon rush hour, and his choices were to either slow to a stop before the red light or run it and stop 50 feet later. For some oblivious reason, he chose the latter option. Might I add that this wasn’t a situation of when the light just changed from yellow to red. It was redder than an Asian on his tenth vodka shot. I snapped this photo as the light turned back to green a few seconds later. Way to go genius…hopefully, your dad has enough money to bribe a school that’s way out or your league to accept you in a last ditch effort that you’ll actually learn something before you have to fend for yourself.

Brunette in Honda Screams Horrible L.A. Stereotype

I-95, U-405 — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 06:15:36 +0000

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Here’s another L.A. stereotype: a texting, tailgating, speeding, non-signaling whore with a vanity plate. Her vanity plate said something along the lines of “it fits the both of us”, and she’s driving a Honda Fit. Oh. How clever. Then again, maybe it was pretty clever for someone whose bulb doesn’t burn very brightly; only a moron like this brunette in her 30s with big glasses would drive around like a chicken with its head cut off while texting on her phone. She’s hard to see because of the glare, but I circled the phone in the photo, which we took while stopped at a red light on Burbank Blvd. in Sherman Oaks. I wonder if her significant other will be so understanding if she gets into a foolhardy accident that’s completely her fault because she was texting and driving. She’d probably have to change her license plate to FITS1ASS.

Too Impatient to Wait a Few Hundred Feet

I-95, U-405 — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 04:30:21 +0000

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The impatient driver of this Jeep Liberty (license plate 5LRC) felt that he had the “freedom” to cross over double yellow lines into the carpool lane from the #1 lane on the 210 Fwy E. Sorry for the horrible pun, but I am sleep-deprived, and so corny jokes really amuse me right now. Anyway, we were heading out to the Huntington Gardens in Pasadena this past Sunday for their Chinese New Year celebrations. Traffic was very light and moving along at a balmy 80 MPH. However, that apparently wasn’t fast enough for this douchebag who couldn’t wait a few hundred feet to merge legally into the carpool lane from the #1 lane. We took this photo shortly after the double yellow lines turned into dotted white lines. Perhaps he didn’t know that it was illegal to cross into the carpool lane over double yellows, but then again he wasn’t signaling either when he pulled this stunt, so there you have it. Like I said, the roads were empty, so no harm no foul, right? Not exactly…I wouldn’t exactly put money down that this guy drives with any more consideration if the roads were more congested. Rather, he would probably just become an even more aggressive, egocentric, classic Angeleno driver.

Tailgating Poser Punk in Shizzy Corolla

I-95, U-405 — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 04:54:17 +0000

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Last Sunday, we decided to take advantage of the beautiful weather and head up to the Santa Barbara Zoo. Traffic was light and moving along nicely. We were traveling in the #1 lane of the 101 Fwy N, and all the cars in this lane were moving along at a nice clip (75 to 80 MPH). And before any knee-jerk, defend-L.A.-at-all-cost naysayers start saying that slower traffic needs to move to the right, I should add that we were easily in the fastest moving lane on the freeway, and cars were more or less safely spaced out. Then enter stage right the jackhole in the shizzy Toyota Corolla. This tailgating punk in his late 20s with dark spiky hair was riding our ass pretty hard before he swerved to his right, glared at us as he sped past, and cut back in front (without signaling, naturally). Oh, did I mention that we were going 75 to 80 along with the other cars in this lane? Needless to say, this impatient fu*kwad then starts bumper humping the car that was previously in front of us. If you think the SUV in the #2 lane is riding close to the Penske truck, I should add that this gelled up moron in the Corolla was tailgating even harder at 5-10 MPH faster than the SUV. Seriously, what did this idiot want to accomplish? Did he really think he deserved to speed as fast as he wanted in the #1 lane, parting the entire litany of cars in front of him in the process? The silly thing about all this is that he actually exited the freeway only a couple miles later, solidifying his oblivious asshole status. Oh, I should also add that he was sucking the tailpipe of the car that was exiting in front of him on the off-ramp.

Impatient Arrogant Commercial Pickup in N. Hollywood

I-95, U-405 — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 07:50:53 +0000

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My general contractor sucks harder than a piglet on a sow’s tit, so service personnel have been on my sh*t list lately. I tried looking up JZ Services on the internet by name and using part of the phone number that I managed to capture in the photo, but no luck. Maybe they’re not legitimate, not webified, or are just a small-time operation. Needless to say, the owner or his workers don’t exactly score high marks for sensible driving. I was on the 134 West on-ramp on Riverside, just west of Lankershim, during morning rush hour. At this on-ramp, two lanes feed into one before the metered traffic signal. Cars were moving along nicely, and there wasn’t a long backed up line of cars either. Nevertheless, the toolbag driving this utility pickup still refused to merge neatly behind the car you see in front of me and instead insisted on splitting this single merging lane by squeezing along the shoulder. Once we were on the freeway, I noticed the driver and his coworker speeding away. Was this the most egregious incident of the day? Of course, not…not by a long shot. However, it is quite indicative of the senseless, me-first mentality that contributes to why driving in this town absolutely sucks harder than a piglet on a sow’s tit.

Merry Christmas, and Watch Out for Assnuts

I-95, U-405 — Sun, 25 Dec 2011 21:40:49 +0000

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Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope you’re all enjoying your extended holiday. We averted a minor fire in our house from an Illuminations candle that went rogue. Word of advice, if you notice the flame going out of control, don’t cut the wick. Rather, scoop out some excess wax instead. Anyway, for those of you on the road on arguably one of the emptiest days of the year in Los Angeles, still watch out for senseless drivers like the young girl and her boyfriend driving this crappy Honda Accord (license plate 6CHH). This was taken a few days ago on the 210 Fwy East. The roads were practically empty, and cars were moving along at a balmy 75-80 MPH. This clueless girl was cruising along in the carpool lane, oblivious to the fact that she was actually traveling slower than the other lanes of traffic and was holding up cars behind her. So when it was legal to do so, this van cut out from behind her, passed to her right in the #1 lane, and cut back in before the carpool lane border became double yellow again. Rather than understand that she wasn’t keeping up with the pace of traffic, this vindictive whack-job started to speed up and viciously tailgate the van driver…at 80+ MPH. Listen people, if you can’t keep up with the car in front of you, move over to the right. It’s as simple as that. And for god’s sake, don’t clog up the carpool lane for other drivers. It’s not your job to enforce to the speed limit, though in this particular scenario, this road raging bitznatch just never picked up the habit of checking her mirrors while driving. With a vengeful attitude like hers, it’s no wonder that her vehicle was a dented, scratched-up piece of sh*t. Maybe she hails from D.C., where drivers are four times more likely to ram their cars into others in a fit of road rage.

Thankless Road Raging Prick in MINI

I-95, U-405 — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 07:07:01 +0000

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We took this photo during the holidays last week. This road raging asshole was so obsessed with asserting his perceived dominance on the road in this dinky MINI Cooper that he nearly missed his exit. Alternately, there is a very real possibility that he knew exactly what he was doing but just wanted to treat each encounter with a random driver as an opportunity to overcompensate for the fact that he was born with clitoris-sized dick. Allow me to explain: we were traveling on the 134 Fwy going westbound in Glendale. We were signaling our way to the left to merge into the carpool lane while the lane was still bordered by dotted white lines instead of double yellows. As we approached the #1 lane on the freeway, I checked both my mirrors and my blind spot and saw that there was plenty of clearance. As I eased my way to the left, this fu*khead gunned it in an asinine attempt to block “his” lane. I quickly corrected to avoid a collision as he threatened to sideswipe my car. He then had the audacity to flip us the finger as if we did something wrong by signaling and easing our vehicle across the freeway. This crackpot then proceeded to bumper hump the driver in from of him before yanking his wheel to the right to California Cut (without signaling) towards an exit. Talk about short-sighted, senseless aggression. The toolbag was about to exit, yet he had to use the few hundred feet he had left on the freeway to laneblock and lick the asshole of another car. Empty roads…plenty of space to do his thang. Whatever…maybe he had no friends or family to celebrate Thanksgiving with. That wouldn’t be surprising.