“Once again, a fairly open lot, but someone is lazy. Maybe I should park in the lines right to the rear and watch from a distance to laugh so it can’t pull out.”

I’ve seen people on other forums actually try to justify people parking like this in empty lots. I’m sorry, but if you have to draft up some cogent argument to explain why you’re allowed to park like a lazy, apathetic asshole, then you seriously need a reality check. There isn’t some imaginary threshold for parking lots where if enough cars enter the lot, then drivers must start parking in the designated parking spots. That argument is like people who say that they only signal if there are cars around them. First off, do you actually know if there’s a car, cyclist, pedestrian, etc. observing your car when you’re executing a turn? Do you truly exhaust all your mirrors and blind spots before ascertaining whether or not you should signal? That would be absurd…rather, it’s much easier to just signal at all times–you don’t have to think about it, and eventually it becomes a half-conscious habit. Bottom line is this: you should never have to find reasons not to do the right thing, but rather doing the right thing should always be second nature.

“This guy parks like an asshole. Taking up three spots at Taco Bell on Bundy and Pico.”

Seriously, if that’s not lazy and inconsiderate, I don’t know what is. At least this guy was parked when the submitter encountered his car. One could only imagine how such a person would drive on the roads.

Here’s an SMS message submission we received: “My worst case scenario was a woman getting on the 805 freeway while breastfeeding, using her cell phone, smoking, and putting on her makeup.  She was driving a humongous SUV also. Thank goodness I was not getting on the freeway.”

I don’t know how this lady had enough hands to pull all that off, but there you have it. I’ve seen plenty of nutty stuff firsthand, so I can’t immediately discount this story as fake. However, breastfeeding while driving and smoking violates at least two laws right off the bat. It takes a very special person to put their child in such imminent and long-term danger at the same time.

Lastly, here’s a story of a commuter who frequents the canyons as I do:

“I live in Topanga Canyon, and the only way we get into or out of our community is to drive six miles on a two-lane winding road through the canyon. There aren’t very many places where you can overtake and pass another car safely, and during busy commute times, there’s often a solid stream of cars going through the canyon; so typically, the vehicle in front of you can’t go any faster than it is. Nevertheless, we still get some total jerks tailgating people – I’ve been behind some folks who are less than a car-length from the bumper ahead of them while going 40 mph. Often, you’ll see someone just pull over on a wide dirt shoulder just to shake the jerk behind them.

One morning at 5:30 am – I kid you not – on my way to a swim lesson, it was just me and two other cars going south to PCH. The guy in front of me hugged the bumper of the woman in front of him the entire six miles to the coast – this can be really scary on the “S” curves. At PCH where the road splits into two lanes, he pulled alongside her and rolled down his window and yelled out “Go back to FRANCE!” I have no idea what he meant! When the light changed, he roared around the corner and I made eye contact with her and just shook my head.”

So, hmm, this aggressive assnut encounters someone on the road who isn’t taking turns like an Indy race car driver, and he immediately assumes that person is from France? I wonder if he started calling french fries “freedom fries” when the French refused to support the U.S. invasion of Iraq in 2003. Regardless, tailgating on single-laned, winding canyon roads is a huge pet peeve of mine, especially during rush hour. Where do these people really expect traffic to go? Do these drivers actually expect one car after another to pull over to the side of the road to allow them to pass so that they can zip through hairpin turns as quickly as possible? I’ve given up trying to relate to the mind of a road raging prick…rather, I just blog about them.

“Smart. Very smart. Not. There was a bashed in right rear quarter panel that looked like they tried to pound it out with a hammer from the inside and a smashed left front fender with yellow parking pole paint transfer on it. And of course bumper kissing the Ranger behind, successfully preventing that person from leaving. Is it a shock the owner of this new Infiniti SUV doesn’t give a shit about parking? But note the early Christmas card from the city. He beat me this morning, lol!”

As shocked as I may be to acknowledge that there are so many people in this small microcosm of Los Angeles who feel that they can get away with this crap, I find solace in the fact that at least law enforcement in this particular area seem to be doing their job.

“Check out this lazy dick. I’m just gonna be in the store for a second…… But yet where I parked, just 25′ away, there’s at least 2 dozen empty legit spots. He came out, fit young guy, hopped inside the truck and left right after I got the shot. I hate lazy fucks like this with a passion. Pic looks weird because I took it through my side mirror.”

I can’t tell if that’s a reflection off the side of the truck or if the truck is a commercial vehicle. Too bad, since I have no qualms whatsoever blogging about companies with asshole drivers.

“Tickets?? Who cares!! Every day for the last week, the female driver of this Exploder (yes, Exploder) has been parking at the infamous hydrant. And every day, she has been ticketed, but she still continues to do it. Even after I told her that law enforcement will ticket her vehicle, her answer was she does not care; she lives right over there and does not want to walk too far because the parking sucks here. Well duh!!”

So just because the parking sucks in your area and you’re too lazy to walk your ass an extra block or so, that makes it absolutely kosher to back into and block in another driver’s car while illegally parking too close to a fire hydrant? The self-entitlement in this town never ceases to amaze me. Just today, as my wife and I were running errands on Black Eye Friday, this crazy wench blows through a stop sign at a two-way stop sign intersection, nearly hits our vehicle, and refuses to acknowledge us or her erroneous behavior as I leaned on my horn. Good thing she didn’t hit us because I also had my son in my car. Anyone risking the safety of my family, especially while pulling these twat-yanking maneuvers, will get reamed a new asshole, and I will do everything in my legal power to make sure this person pays out the maximum allowed by law in insurance premiums and liability claims.

“Nothing like blocking in the car again…(Exhibit A). And look who just showed up! (Exhibit B).”

I refuse to believe this many people who need to park near this particular hydrant have no idea about the illegality of parking right next to or near a fire hydrant. Rather, I find it easier to believe that this many people really are selfish, lazy, or don’t care about this law and just park wherever the hell they feel like it, even if it means obstructing a hydrant and simultaneously blocking in another driver against the curb. They probably drive like arrogant pricks, too. At least the driver of this shizzy sedan got his/her comeuppance.