L.A. Can't Drive » observation

Brunette in Honda Screams Horrible L.A. Stereotype

I-95, U-405 — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 06:15:36 +0000

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Here’s another L.A. stereotype: a texting, tailgating, speeding, non-signaling whore with a vanity plate. Her vanity plate said something along the lines of “it fits the both of us”, and she’s driving a Honda Fit. Oh. How clever. Then again, maybe it was pretty clever for someone whose bulb doesn’t burn very brightly; only a moron like this brunette in her 30s with big glasses would drive around like a chicken with its head cut off while texting on her phone. She’s hard to see because of the glare, but I circled the phone in the photo, which we took while stopped at a red light on Burbank Blvd. in Sherman Oaks. I wonder if her significant other will be so understanding if she gets into a foolhardy accident that’s completely her fault because she was texting and driving. She’d probably have to change her license plate to FITS1ASS.

Freeway Driving Without Head or Taillights While Browsing on His Cell

I-95, U-405 — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 06:09:08 +0000

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I took a photo of this middle-aged guy in this dark red Mustang a few days ago. He was on the 134 Fwy and got off at the Buena Vista exit. Wait, what’s this? Did I say he was driving on the freeway? But his headlights aren’t on! I have to be kidding, right? I mean, who is honestly that stupid to get on the freeway at night going 65+ mph without any head or taillights on? Unfortunately, such occurrences are quite commonplace in this town. Honest mistakes happen once in awhile, right? Well, this guy doesn’t get a pass because he was probably too busy browsing on his smart phone (saw this as he drove past me) to have paid attention to anything going around outside his vehicle. Double-whammy for being both dumb and inattentive.

Inattentive, Aggressive Lady in Lexus SUV

I-95, U-405 — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 05:58:47 +0000

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The ugly, aggressive biznatch in her 40s driving this Lexus SUV (license plate 6EJF) really needed to hang up the cell phone she was holding in her hand and pay attention to road conditions around her. We were traveling north on Beverly Glen during the thick of evening rush hour, and she threatened to rear-end us on multiple occasions by driving so close to our rear bumper. On two separate incidents, she almost rolled into us when we were stopped in traffic–she simply let her foot off her brakes while she was browsing on her smart phone, oblivious to the fact that we weren’t inching forward. When she was driving with her eyes forward instead of on her phone’s screen, she insisted on riding our ass all the way through the single northbound lane on Beverly Glen. I cannot stress enough how much tailgating in single-laned canyon roads is such a pet peeve of mine. I mean, seriously, you must be a fuc*in’ moron not to see the litany of cars in front of the driver whose tailpipe you’re sucking harder than a co-ed stoner on a bong. My wife snapped this photo when this hozbeast–predictably–sped past us to our right when Beverly Glen briefly opened up to two lanes just south of Mulholland. Unfortunately for this impatient, wiry-haired brunette, her lane ended up moving more slowly than the #1 lane through this bottleneck, and she soon fell behind once again.

Clueless Grandpa Pulling a Split Second Exit

I-95, U-405 — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 06:47:51 +0000

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The old, borderline senior driving this shizzy Dodge Grand Caravan (license plate 5HYX) is a perfect example of the litany of oblivious driving that complements the aggressive assholes in this town. We were driving on the 101 Fwy N heading toward the 405 Fwy interchange. This clueless fool was pacing us to our left in the slowest 101 through lane (I think it was the #3 lane). The other lanes on the freeway clearly feed into either the 405 Fwy N on S on-ramps–plenty of signs and very clear lane markings. Nonetheless, when the lanes bordering the 405 S on-ramp and the 101 through lane became solid white lines and started diverging, baby boomer here decides to cut over at the very last second directly in front of our bumper. All this was happening during very light, mid-day traffic. There was plenty of time for him to signal his intention and then change lanes to his right, either in front or behind us. Yet for reasons unbeknownst to us, he pulled a stereotypical L.A. maneuver of exiting a through lane (either to an interchange or an exit) at the last possible moment. To this day, I still have no idea why so many drivers–particularly the ones who aren’t overtly aggressive–do this. I mean, seriously, are there really that many drivers mentally checking out from behind the wheel? Plan ahead, gramps….and while you’re at it, check your mirrors and blind spots before changing lanes.

Oblivious Senior Drives into Pedestrian Only Area in Parking Structure

I-95, U-405 — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 05:20:14 +0000

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Remember that catastrophic Santa Monica farmer’s market incident, where a really old senior citizen plowed through the market in his car, killing a few pedestrians along the way? Well, I suppose we have to be thankful that this pedestrian walking area at the Sherman Oaks Galleria is small enough to contain morons like the old blue-haired lady driving this Toyota Camry (license plate 4NJR). I took this photo while I was waiting for the elevator, and I seriously couldn’t believe what I was seeing. This old native relic completely ignored concrete boundaries, large stone planters, clear lane markings, and large painted “do not enter” signs and absentmindedly navigated her vehicle (a classic old-person champagne hue) into this pedestrian-only area in the parking structure. Then instead of simply acknowledging her mistake and backing up, she proceeded to execute a 30-point turn to navigate her vehicle around like an aircraft carrier and exit where she entered. I’m sorry, but people like this really shouldn’t be driving. If you know this lady and actually care about her, find alternative arrangements for her getting around town, since she clearly poses a danger to both herself and others.

Happy New Year

I-95, U-405 — Sun, 01 Jan 2012 03:57:18 +0000

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Happy New Year, everyone! Be safe in your bacchanals and for everyone’s sake, please don’t drive drunk. Police officers often hone in on cars driving around at night without their head or taillights lit on celebratory nights like New Year’s Eve to arrest people driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol. So even if you’re clean, if you don’t want a run-in with the cops en route to a party, then pay extra attention to your low beam headlights setting tonight. Anyway, here’s a submission I received last week regarding this very issue:

“It’s 6 am, do you know where the light switch is? I still need some artificial light from my truck to help me see. People in this town never cease to amaze me and this was one of many stupid things I saw on my 20 min commute, but this was the only one I caught….”

More Rainy Day Duh Moments

I-95, U-405 — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 03:42:38 +0000

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One baby was sleep-walking last night, and the other is nocturnal and eats like a horse. Hence, I’m pretty pooped after a long day of errands. So I apologize for once again dipping into the archives of idiocy, but nonetheless here you go. As we approach rain season toward the tail end of winter, you will once again see more jackholes driving around in heavy rain at any hour of the day without their headlights on. This particular photo was taken on December 12th on Lankershim, north of Riverside, in North Hollywood by the 134 freeway overpass. Part of me sometimes wonders how many of these drivers actually think turning their lights on in the rain is optional. I mean, so many friggen Angelenos don’t signal, even when they see other drivers do it. Do they think signaling is optional, too? Are they too cool to signal? Do they just not care? We clearly have an inordinately large percentage of clueless, oblivious, distracted, drivers in this town, but I would put money that quite a few of these peccadillians actually think such laws and regulations are merely discretionary. I’ve never heard of a conscientious objector to car signals, but alas there you have it.