“This guy parks like an asshole. Taking up three spots at Taco Bell on Bundy and Pico.”

Seriously, if that’s not lazy and inconsiderate, I don’t know what is. At least this guy was parked when the submitter encountered his car. One could only imagine how such a person would drive on the roads.

Here’s an SMS message submission we received: “My worst case scenario was a woman getting on the 805 freeway while breastfeeding, using her cell phone, smoking, and putting on her makeup.  She was driving a humongous SUV also. Thank goodness I was not getting on the freeway.”

I don’t know how this lady had enough hands to pull all that off, but there you have it. I’ve seen plenty of nutty stuff firsthand, so I can’t immediately discount this story as fake. However, breastfeeding while driving and smoking violates at least two laws right off the bat. It takes a very special person to put their child in such imminent and long-term danger at the same time.

Lastly, here’s a story of a commuter who frequents the canyons as I do:

“I live in Topanga Canyon, and the only way we get into or out of our community is to drive six miles on a two-lane winding road through the canyon. There aren’t very many places where you can overtake and pass another car safely, and during busy commute times, there’s often a solid stream of cars going through the canyon; so typically, the vehicle in front of you can’t go any faster than it is. Nevertheless, we still get some total jerks tailgating people – I’ve been behind some folks who are less than a car-length from the bumper ahead of them while going 40 mph. Often, you’ll see someone just pull over on a wide dirt shoulder just to shake the jerk behind them.

One morning at 5:30 am – I kid you not – on my way to a swim lesson, it was just me and two other cars going south to PCH. The guy in front of me hugged the bumper of the woman in front of him the entire six miles to the coast – this can be really scary on the “S” curves. At PCH where the road splits into two lanes, he pulled alongside her and rolled down his window and yelled out “Go back to FRANCE!” I have no idea what he meant! When the light changed, he roared around the corner and I made eye contact with her and just shook my head.”

So, hmm, this aggressive assnut encounters someone on the road who isn’t taking turns like an Indy race car driver, and he immediately assumes that person is from France? I wonder if he started calling french fries “freedom fries” when the French refused to support the U.S. invasion of Iraq in 2003. Regardless, tailgating on single-laned, winding canyon roads is a huge pet peeve of mine, especially during rush hour. Where do these people really expect traffic to go? Do these drivers actually expect one car after another to pull over to the side of the road to allow them to pass so that they can zip through hairpin turns as quickly as possible? I’ve given up trying to relate to the mind of a road raging prick…rather, I just blog about them.

“Hanford is south of Fresno and west of Visalia along Hwy 198. One Hanford driver was slapped with a ticket for driving while talking on her cell phone. Officers say she was so distracted, she didn’t realize she drove right by a C.H.P. officer who then followed her for several minutes with his lights on as she pulled into a drive-thru line. “I was behind her for a couple minutes and she never reacted,” said C.H.P. Officer J.M. The officer eventually got her attention when he got out of his patrol car and stood outside her window. “I had to physically get out of my car, walk up to her door, and contacted her at her drivers side window, at which time she was still on the phone — still had the phone up to her left ear, still having a conversation,” said J.M.”

Now, I don’t know if the jackass in this Chevy SUV was equally as distracted and forgot where he was going, but I do know that he was in the wrong friggen lane. We were traveling north on Beverly Glen and were stopped at a red light by Ventura Blvd. in a left-turn-only lane. This silver Chevy SUV (license plate 5NYY…go Yankees! Boo Chevy driver!) was in the through lane to our right. When the light turned green, this erratic troll yanks his car to the left and cuts in front of a left-turning car in front of me. Naturally, the driver in front of me honked as he tried to avoid the collision. I’m sorry, but if you missed your turn, would it have killed you to travel a few hundred feet to Moorpark and then double back to where you wanted to go in the first place? Of course, this concept of self responsibility and accountability doesn’t exist for a vast number of our sucky drivers. If these asshats make a mistake, they still expect everyone else around them to pay for it. Anyway, Mr. Clueless Chevy gunned it on his wide left turn and then zipped in front of another car in the #1 lane going west on Ventura. When I snapped this at a subsequent red light, I noticed that he had a broken taillight. That’s not surprising, given the fact that someone who drives like an apathetic jackass could hardly be expected to properly maintain his vehicle.