L.A. Can't Drive

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

I never knew this, but apparently if you purchase a Mercedes SLK 280 in Los Angeles, you never have to signal or check your blind spots while changing lanes.  The turn signals aren’t really lights, but rather are ultra-realistic decals, allowing you to take full advantage of the driver side door, which is designed to enable you to ergonomically perch your elbow lazily against the window.  Consequently, your left hand is free to do absolutely nothing, except to hold the occasional cell phone.  We all need our exercise in this pseudo health-conscious town, right?  But wait, there’s more!  The rearview mirror is equipped with a light-sensitive equilibrium apparatus that automatically disguises the flashing high beams of any vehicle you happen to nearly hit while you choose to change lanes without looking.  The noise-cancelling exterior shell is also designed by Bose, insultaing you from the annoying honking coming from humans who are beneath your social status.  These internal environmental features allow the self-absorbed, cocky L.A. driver to cruise the street in a purely unapologetic fashion, weaving randomly across several lanes of traffic without the slightest concern for the safety of other drivers.  You never have to be bothered by other commuters showing their aggravation at your driving ever again!

Filed under: aggressive, car lights, observation