L.A. Can't Drive

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

I don’t know what it is, but the most aggressive, cocky, and illogical drivers I’ve experienced over the last week and change have been nasty-looking women in their 40′s, 50′s, and 60′s.  Now this isn’t a dig at a gender or an age group, since horrible drivers from all demographics are well-represented in this town.  Rather, it truly is an anomaly for me to have encountered so many ya-yas from this sisterhood.  Take the driver of this Mercury Grand Marquis LS with a handicap placard (no handicap license plate), who appeared to be in her early 60′s with way too much makeup on her face.  If you have a handicap placard in your car, chances are you have some physical disability that limits your mobility.  Or you might be someone who’s trying to scam the system for a “sweeter” parking spot.  But if the former is the case, then maybe it’s not such a great idea to drive around like an aggressive, menopausal spinster with a complete disregard for traffic laws and common courtesy.  This lady is one accident away from being relegated to a TLC Senior Helpers minibus; so why is she so eager to limit her freedoms and lose her ability to drive?  My guess is that she probably doesn’t even think she’s a bad driver.  Question, do delusional people qualify for handicap placards?  After all, that’s a mental disability is it not?  (And yes, those questions were sarcastic and rhetorical.)

I was visiting a friend this afternoon and exited the 101 Fwy at Woodman.  At the base of the exit ramp in the right turn only lane there was an old Ford truck that broke down with a smoking engine (no hazard lights).  As a result, there was a bit of delay as drivers tried to navigate around this incapacitated vehicle.  While we were still stopped for the red light, this old lady in her Mercury pulled up to my left and stopped in the first of two left-turn lanes.  I was stopped in the center turn lane, though the front left of my car was partially in her lane, since cars in front of me and to my right were all trying maneuver around this smoking Ford truck.  This lady was no more than 10 feet away from the Ford and could clearly see what was going on.  Now get this, before the light even turned green, this lady began to creep toward the intersection and toward my bumper.  I started thinking that there’s no way she’d be that stupid to hit my vehicle.  The second the light turned green, this angry prune started to honk.  I mean honestly, lady, can’t you see what’s going on directly in front of you?  Do you not see that smoking car?  I mean, the Cheech and Chong were smoking the world’s largest bong underneath this truck’s hood, and commuters were all patiently taking turns to safely exit the off-ramp.  Anyway, I eventually got out of this lady’s way, made my left turn, and ended up stopped next to her at another red light under the 101 overpass.  I rolled down my window, stared at her, and asked what her problem was and if she even noticed the disabled vehicle.  She just stared resolutely ahead with heavily-lidded eyes and a smirk on her whorish-red lips.  As she passed, I let her drift in front of me (no signal, of course) so that I could take this photo at the next red light.  This impatient, arrogant old prune then proceeded to creep at every single red light from the freeway off-ramp to Ventura Blvd.  Her reflexes weren’t so great; on one occassion, she threatened to rear-end the car in front of her, and on another occassion she made a few pedestrians crossing the street think twice before crossing in front of her car.  Thankfully, we parted ways as she made a right turn onto Ventura (again, no signal). Now ask yourself this: poor reflexes, angry, impatient, inconsiderate, inobservant, and fails to obey basic traffic laws.  Is this someone you want to share your roads with on a daily basis?

Filed under: aggressive, car lights, clueless, observation, senior