L.A. Can't Drive

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

Final game at Yankee Stadium…a lot of history, great memories.  I just had to give a shout-out to my hometown team.  Anyway, what’s the difference between aggressive drivers in the West Side and aggressive drivers in the Valley?  They tend to get uglier as you travel farther north.  The picture of this mangy ho in her green Honda CR-V was taken on Camarillo in North Hollywood.  And what’s worse than a weaving, non-signaling, tailgating, impatient fugly Jane Doe?  A weaving, non-signaling, tailgating, impatient Jane Doe chugging on a cup of coffee, focused on her cup rather than the car directly in front of her.  In this case, that was me.  I sh*t you not, this beast of a woman was less than 10 feet from my bumper while we were traveling 35 mph during rush hour.  I started slowing my car down 100 feet earlier than I normally would for fear of getting rear-ended by someone who wasn’t looking at where she was going.  First of all, rush hour in the Valley isn’t nearly as bad as rush hour from the West Side to East L.A., so this lady’s gotta learn how to chill out.  Secondly, who the hell tailgates the car in front of them without looking at where (s)he’s going?  Seriously, every time I chanced a glance at her through my rearview mirror, she was staring down at her beverage like she’s never seen anything like it before.  Come to think of it, given her fixation with whatever she was drinking and her sheer girth, maybe it was a cup of steaming hot cocoa instead.  OK, maybe I’m stooping a little below the belt….oh, wait–there’s no way in hell I’d ever go there even if I were single.  Learn how to drive lady before you start to “drink” and drive.

Filed under: aggressive, car lights, clueless, observation, speeding, tailgating