L.A. Can't Drive

I was living on the Upperwest Side and was stuck in Flushing Meadows in New York City during the northeast blackout of 2003. People were patiently walking in droves over miles to wherever they needed to be. Drivers were giving strangers rides to the bridges connecting the boroughs. Bars were handing out beers. Bakers were handing out loaves of bread. Some people made a party out of it and made new friends. There was no mass looting, either. And star gazers just lied down on the pavement around Lincoln Center to appreciate a sky unadulterated by city lights. In my mind, that’s how you know when a city has solidarity, regardless of class, race, background, etc.

Now, enter Los Angeles….My wife and I decided to check out the L.A. Zoo today, since she hasn’t been there in more than 10 years. Lo and behold, we heard sirens and helicopters while we were watching a silverback gorilla stuff his face with carrots. 10 minutes later, it was announced that the zoo was being evacuated due to a 5-acre fire that started just west of the zoo in Griffith Park. Thankfully, everyone was evacuated safely, though not without multiple encounters of selfish assholes like the driver below:

Idiocy Meter

Asshole Meter

We were stuck in this relatively small parking lot for over an hour because of the amazing inefficiency of emergency personnel in directing traffic to the freeway. One would think that with all the fires that occur in southern California and particularly in Griffith Park, park officials and police would have designed a better evacuation plan. Not so. Instead, it was a complete free-for-all for the exits. Though a lot of the drivers were patiently waiting to exit in our row, allowing other drivers to back out of parking spaces to enter the queue, this selfish, egocentric asshole in a Honda Odyssey exited the line, zoomed up across empty parking spaces to our left, and then jammed his way back in front, completely dismissing the fact that everyone else in front of him was patiently waiting to exit. These brazen acts of disregard for your fellow neighbor (if you will) was occurring all around us in all the other rows of the parking lot. People like this actually delay evacuation efforts, making matters worse for all other drivers. Did this fat ho and her motley crew of low-class camel-gawkers give a flying frack about that? Of course not. Karma has its way of getting even, lady…and with an attitude like yours, you’re hardly worth more than all of the other patient and considerate drivers around you.

Filed under: aggressive, clueless, parking