L.A. Can't Drive

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Prius drivers in Los Angeles have gotten a bad rap mainly due to Pri-asses like the aggressive middle-aged douche with white hair driving like a zigzagging tool on the 101 Fwy N during early afternoon rush hour. His incessant weaving saved him literally zero time on his commute given that we both exited at Woodman, and he ended up being in front of me at a subsequent red light. Oh, and I didn’t drive like a bat outta hell. At least he was signaling, unlike the tailgating douche in a green Range Rover behind me today who somehow felt compelled to change lanes to his left and pass me and the car in front of me, only to cut back into our lane to exit a few hundred yards later. Seriously, what do these people think they’re achieving driving like sheep fuc*ers? The guy in the Range Rover was a younger dude in his early 20s, texting away on his cell phone and listening to music with headphones in both ears (again, illegal, though some of you think that’s a gray area of the law).

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If you want more proof that there’s something magnetic about this town that attracts all the egocentric, delusional dregs of society with unrealistic views of stardom, look no further than the young wannabe starlet in this VW Cabrio from Georgia (license plate BC6). She acted as if she was driving in L.A. for ages with the way she merged onto the 101 Fwy S. during rush hour on Friday. We were around Woodland Hills/Encino in the slowest lane of traffic approaching our exit. As we were passing a freeway on-ramp/merging lane, we saw this nut job speeding to our right well after the dotted white yellow lines for the merge lane had disappeared. This moron was then essentially lane-splitting and riding on the shoulder at one point to leapfrog over as many cars as possible before cutting in (without signaling, of course). Safety issues aside, such maneuvers are absolutely pointless during freeway rush hour traffic and only increase the chance that everyone will get delayed on their commutes home due to accidents caused by these jackasses. When the driver moved over into the lane to our left, we started passing and got a good look at a young, frizzy-haired brunette texting feverishly with her wrists at 12 o’clock on the steering wheel. Yeah, that’s smart…texting, speeding, lane-splitting, and freeway driving all at the same time. If indeed this girl is an aspiring actress, I hate to break it to her that she’s not going to get very far with “smarts” like that.

Filed under: aggressive, car lights, cell phone, clueless, leapfrog, observation, speeding | 1 Comment » | Permalink

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The asshole viciously speeding and aggressively tailgating in this Ford Edge Limited (license plate 6TZJ) will have a limited lifespan if he keeps driving like a dumbass prick. This was taken during afternoon rush hour when the 405 Fwy was packed and moving sluggishly. Fortunately, we were on Sepulveda Pass moving along nicely, though apparently not quickly enough for this weaving prick. There were multiple occasions like this one where cars moved over to the #2 lane to get out of this impatient asswad’s way, only to find themselves bumper-humped again by this same prick who suddenly felt that the #2 lane was moving faster at that very second. Although he was signaling (albeit briefly) for each lane change, his asinine driving didn’t get him to his destination any faster, as we both ended up at the same red light on Sepulveda a block north of Ventura. People like this probably lose a sh*tload of money in the stock market because something in their brains can’t process risk versus reward. I last saw this guy merge onto 101 Fwy S. at Sepulveda, where he likely continued his egocentric road raging.

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Honestly, does this picture really need much explanation? The strip mall with hands down one of the worst parking in the Valley is the Studio City Plaza (Du-par’s, Trader Joe’s, etc.). If for some godforsaken reason I have to go there, I always try to find curb parking on the street. That’s right, I’d rather pay at a friggen meter than deal with the oblivious assholes who seem to lurk in this parking lot at any hour of the day. I mean could the parking jobs of the Chevy (license plate 6KER) and the Toyota Prius (license plate 6FYJ) be any worse? And don’t give me any benefit of the doubt crap where one could say that it only takes one bad apple to create a chain reaction of bad parking like this. You know what? With over 6 1/2 years of running this blog, I’m done with giving the benefit of the doubt. This town has run out of excuses a long, long time ago. And on a side note, the driver of the Chevy bought his car at Felix in Downtown L.A. In my book, that says a little something more about the owner of this car. Seriously, have you even walked past that place or seen the guys who work there? Picture the shadiest looking used car salesman, and that’s pretty much what you see through the windows of that place. I’m sorry, but you couldn’t get me to get a car from these guys even if they offered to give me one for free.

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So many people here have no idea how to commit to a lane when they drive that I’m surprised there aren’t more accidents due to bumper car stupidity. However, what about drivers who commit to no lane at all? For some fracked up reason after the city revamped the 101 Fwy N off-ramp at Van Nuys Blvd., I’ve seen way too many drivers cutting the turn on the off-ramp by riding on the painted white-striped freeway shoulder before finally committing to a turn lane at the end of the ramp by the traffic signal. Seriously, do these people think it’s the Daytona 500 where they really have to hug a turn on the freeway? Too emphasize the stupidity of this, there are actually now two lanes that exit the freeway at this point instead of one, yet for some reason at least half a dozen other drivers I’ve personally witnessed felt the need to make a third exit lane by hugging the wall and riding completely on the shoulder; I sh*t you not without exaggeration, their entire vehicle is out of the lane and completely on the freeway shoulder. I managed to snap the photo of the old senior native driving this Buick (license plate 4NFF) who did just that. What if some vindictive asshole decided to teach these people a lesson and shadow them in the #2 exit lane, essentially pinning these people to the freeway shoulder until they run out of road? Is it really necessary to put ourselves in that situation? I feel like a I’m talking to pre-schoolers when I feel obligated to write an entire post about driving in a fu*kin’ lane. Honestly, how bad are the drivers in this town where you have to actually remind people to commit to a lane?

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