L.A. Can't Drive

Road Raging Erratic Jackass in Maroon Pickup

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Is it just me, or has the heat sapped the ability of people to signal these last couple weeks? Are drivers in this town really so fragile that the mildest heatwave hinders them from moving their left arm to tweak the signal toggle? Has communicating intentions to other drivers suddenly taken a backseat to daydreaming about your next free venti iced water at the nearest Starbucks drive thru? I know I’ve been absent for a bit, but it’s not because drivers have suddenly become more considerate and attentive. Too many run-ins with morons this morning forced me to make some time in my schedule to at least bitch about these oblivious dimwits who just drift into intersections, pause at whim, and turn indiscriminately without signaling (or eventually go straight). Or how about those lovely douches who just crawl next to curb lanes looking for parking spaces or street address without signaling to the right and letting others behind them know that they’re slowing down for a reason? It really annoys me when I see that these drivers don’t acknowledge that such erratic behavior just adds to the confusion (and frustration) of drivers around them. You are not lone islands, people, and one thing we can all do to make our traffic congestion a bit more bearable is to communicate with our fellow commuters more diligently. I know it’s hard to interact with people outside our inner circle in this town, but we need to try to work on our issues, don’t we? Isn’t that what our Yogis teach us? Personal growth? Namaste, fools….

Anyway, the above photo isn’t of an oblivious imbecile but of a road raging jackass in a maroon pickup (what else is new?). This was taken a couple weeks ago in light mid-afternoon rush hour traffic going north on the 405, south of the 101 interchange. This thankless little pencil dick couldn’t understand why cars were moving so smoothly in weekday rush hour traffic that he was doing his best to create the status quo of bumper-to-bumper traffic by viciously tailgating in the carpool and #1 lanes on the freeway, indiscriminately hopping back and forth over the double yellow lines whenever it suited him. Yeah, I believe that he only has a pickup because of work purposes….right. Road bullies like this need therapy to get over their issues regarding their low self-esteem rather than take out their aggression on others by flirting with vehicular manslaughter. Maybe that hazard tape draped along his tailgate is meant for him.

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Lost Girl Driving Around at Night with Lights Off

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The clueless girl in her 20s in this Nissan Versa (license plate 7DXB) was driving around like a discombobulated recent transplant. She was cruising around at dusk around 8:30 pm on the 101 Freeway N without any head or taillights on. She wasn’t alone either; I counted at least 10 other drivers over the course of a few miles who were cruising around without any vehicle lamps on. Another half dozen or so only had daytime running lights on (ie. no taillights lit). When we both exited at Van Nuys and pulled up to the red light, I started flashing my high beams briefly at her to tell her to turn her lights on. When she still didn’t do it, I flashed my beams again while going south on Van Nuys. Again, no change. In fact, she was probably too absorbed in where she needed to go that she likely didn’t see me (and others) trying to get her attention to turn her lights on. We parted ways when she suddenly realized that she had to merge to the left to avoid heading into a right-turn-only lane before we hit Ventura and held up traffic in two southbound lanes while trying to navigate her car over. Look, we all get lost, I get it. But that doesn’t give us the right to throw all observation skills out the window. Signal, turn on your lights at night, check your mirrors and blind spots, etc. If you’re really lost, try pulling over to the side of the road to get your bearings.

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Apathetic Moron in Nissan Pickup Coasts Through a Red Light

Nissan 7N45
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Run red lights much? Well, if you ask the oblivious moron in his 30s driving this beaten up Nissan pickup (license plate 7N45), my guess is his answer would be who knows or who cares. This jackass blew through a red light at Noble while going east on Burbank in Sherman Oaks. It wasn’t even close, nor was this a case of the fool accelerating to beat a yellow light. By the way, in case you haven’t heard yellow means speed up, not slow down, in Los Angeles. Regardless, in this situation, the light was red for a couple seconds…long enough for cars on Noble to start entering the intersection. This tool just apathetically coasts through the intersection, forcing the other drivers to brake, and in the end he ended up having to stop at another red light anyway at Kester. Good thing there was a car in front of him there or, who knows, he may have just coasted through that red light, too. This guy also had a broken taillight, which further reinforces my point of his serious lack of attention to detail. We snapped this photo as we caught up to him at the next intersection.

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Erratic Blonde in Toyota Corolla Pinballs Down Sunset

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So the lady driving this blue Toyota Corolla (license plate 6XTX) likely lives somewhere in Brentwood, because we eventually saw her turn off the road into a parking alley between condos/apartments off of Barrington. If that’s the case, then she definitely knows of the construction that’s happening on Sunset Blvd. at Barrington that forces westbound traffic to merge into a single lane, causing a bit of a bottleneck when you exit the 405 Fwy. Well, apparently living in the immediate vicinity appeared to give this lady the illusion that she can drive like a headless chicken, aggressively cutting drivers off with no warning whatsoever as she tried to anticipate which westbound lane on Sunset would move faster before the merge point. Not once, not twice…hell, not even three times, but four–FOUR–times she nearly collided into other cars, including mine, while she was impatiently and futilely zigzagging back and forth without signaling. I honked at her when she almost hit my car when she was pulling one of these asinine maneuvers, and what I got in return was an apologetic wave and a thank you. Fine, I thought. Maybe she learned her lesson….and then again, maybe not. She continued her dangerously erratic behavior a couple more times, as if she were completely incapable of learning how to stay put, signal, or at the very least check mirrors and blind spots before changing lanes. This crazy bitch was delusional and thought that sticking out her hand to say she was sorry was like saying a few Hail Mary’s at Confession and then *poof* her sins were absolved. I don’t think that mindset will fly with the insurance company when she inevitably collides into another car in the near future, that is unless she manages to find religion and starts driving like a considerate human being.

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Idiotic Teens Smoking in Bed of Moving Ford Pickup

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This is a submission I received yesterday from a reader who was commuting home from work in the early evening in North Hollywood. The number one killer of young adult males is stupidity, and here’s a good reason why. The reader was traveling west on Magnolia near Vineland when she saw smoke coming out from the bed of this Ford pickup truck (I couldn’t make out the license plate in the photo, though it looks like 9D35, can’t be sure). Upon closer inspection, the contributor saw teenagers lying flat on their backs smoking cigarettes (weed?) while their friend was driving. In this photo, you can see them sitting up briefly. Cops have been out in full force in the Valley, so it’s a bit odd how they missed this little joyride. Parents, don’t assume that your kids are always doing the smart thing (especially if they’re little wannabe punks, which you really can tell if you were truly honest and objective). I know teens like to have fun, but riding like pool equipment in the back of a pickup is not the way to do it…that’s just stupidity at its finest.

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