L.A. Can't Drive

Jackhole in Company Van Leapfrogs by Driving into Opposing Traffic

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Here’s a brilliant idea to think about. If you own a business and advertise it on your vehicle, don’t break the law while driving it! Common sense right? Not so for the stereotypical horrible Angeleno driver…more like college level statistics in terms of comprehension difficulty. This moron in a green company van (couldn’t get a good look at the plates) was driving in afternoon rush hour traffic in Brentwood coming up either Westgate or Granville toward Sunset Blvd. Instead of patiently waiting behind other drivers waiting their turn to merge onto Sunset to go East toward the 405 Fwy, this jackass felt completely entitled to go into opposing traffic, zip past the line of cars in front of him, and block the intersection that clearly states to KEEP CLEAR. The fact that he didn’t signal is just an obvious assumption at this point. You think fu*kheads like this give a damn about signaling if they will risk head-on collisions and commit about 3 moving violations in a span of a few hundred feet just to get stuck once again in rush hour traffic? The ridiculous thing about this is that most drivers taking this route will allow waiting cars at side streets to merge in front of them one at a time…basic zippering through stop and go traffic. Then you have arrogant pricks like this fool who muck everything up, making the roads more unsafe and fellow drivers more peeved. The lettering on the side of the van says “share your emotions”. Here’ s one: you’re an asshole.

Purr-fectly Distracted Toyota Rav4 Driver

Toyota Rav4 5YPD
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As the late Bill Compton once said, puns were the highest form of humor back in his day. Today they’re corny, but I just couldn’t help myself. A couple weeks ago as we were driving along the 134 Fwy E between Glendale and Pasadena when we noticed a white Toyota Rav4 (license plate 5YPD) driving in the #2 lane at a good 20 mph slower than surrounding traffic. So we figured here’s another oblivious LA driver who’s probably checking her social media on her phone and is oblivious to cars passing her from both sides. Instead, we encountered this lady clutching her cat like Mr. Bigglesworth. If that’s not considered distracted driving, then I’m a Chinese dude with chest hair. Seriously, why are people in this town still doing stupid sh*t like this on the road–and on the freeway, no less? Bond with your animal on the couch in your home. Not in the driver’s seat of your vehicle. Oh, and wanna know what kind of damages she could be looking at if her cat somehow suddenly swats at a bug flying the in car, scratching her face, causing her to careen into multiple vehicles at high speed? How about $1 million dollars…..muwahahaha! Why not full marks for idiocy? Well, a certain girly-man governor vetoed a bill in 2008 that would have made it illegal to drive in California with a pet on your lap. How he possibly could have thought that was infringement on individual rights is beyond me.

Clueless Aggressive Leapfrogging Pickup Passes on Freeway Shoulder

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This submission from one of our regular contributors who owns a kick-ass dash cam shows classic, senseless Los Angeles leapfrogging behavior. Late to work one day because of a slowdown on the freeway? You can likely blame assholes like this moron driving a pickup.

“You know that’s not a lane, right dummy? Notice that solid white line? Yeah, that’s the shoulder and you’re not supposed to use it as a passing lane to gain a one-car advantage. You also need to get your signal lamps checked and repaired because they don’t work. If he wanted to pass, he could have at least accelerated as soon as he switched lanes. This took place on the 71 freeway in Pomona. The driver continued to weave in and out of lanes up ahead, of course without ever signaling. I cut it short because it was barely noticeable on camera.”

Nothing the pickup driver did in this video makes sense. None of it. Yet our roads are filled with asinine drivers like this who driving around like they’re in some friggen video game. These people are so clueless that I bet they would flunk a mandatory driving test if one were to be given by the DMV as a requirement for a driver’s license renewal.

It is important to note however that the driver he passed acted defensively. Note the brake lights? The driver slowed down to let this dickhead in from off the shoulder. Why some of you may ask? It’s never worth your life to teach jackasses a lesson. Protect yourself and your loved ones and let Karma do the work.

Crazy Chevy Caprice Runs Red and Makes Illegal Lane Changes

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We have a backlog of submissions that we’re going to try to crank out over the next few weeks. Here’s a video submission we initially got back in December that exemplifies the classic aggressive and nonsensical driving we see all the time in this town:

“Asshole runs a red and passes illegally. The driver of this Chevy Caprice was initially behind me before swerving into the left lane while I was stopping for the yellow. The video explains the rest. How did running that red and using the shoulder and turn lane as a passing lane work out for you, hmm? I can see you really saved a lot of time. This guy has to be either drunk, high, or in a major hurry. Maybe his bladder is about to burst? Either way, unless he has someone dying, bleeding, or screaming in pain in the backseat of his car, there is no excuse for this behavior, which took place on Euclid (State Route 83) near Ontario.”

The roads weren’t even crowded, and it clearly wasn’t rush hour. This guy was just driving like a maniac for absolutely no reason other than for kicks at the expense of others’ safety. Here’s the ironic thing about all of this that I see all the time. He signaled and did so only for a turn. For some reason, so many aggressive drivers in Los Angeles pull all of these crazy stunts yet signal for an actual turn off the road. Yet, they never signal for lane changes…just turns. Odd, right? Then again, nothing makes sense in the minds of people who drive like this.

Happy New Year – New 2016 California Driving Laws

Infiniti Q50 B31
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Happy New Year! The roads were blissful during the lull between Christmas and New Year’s, but alas our freeway holiday respite is over. What has arrived in full force are angry drivers who absolutely do not want to go back to work. Let’s be honest, who actually works in L.A.? On any given weekday, you’ll see tons of people hanging out at Intelligentsia, Lemonade, King’s Road Cafe, etc. Sweet Butter is my favorite local hangout of clear industry professionals (or wannabes) who like normal tasty food at exorbitant prices. After all, you’re not truly a writer until you’re sipping a foam decorated $6 cappuccino in a ceramic cup under a portico. But hey, at least there’s free wifi.

But I digress….Along with the new year is a list of new laws that we all need to be aware of. There are more than these two, so I suggest you do a quick internet search about them. For example, the recommendation on how long a child has to be rear-facing in a car seat is no longer a recommendation:

AB53: Child Safety Seats
Children under age 2 must be secured in a rear-facing child passenger restraint system when being driven in a motor vehicle, unless the child weighs 40 or more pounds or is 40 or more inches tall. Previously, only children under age 1 were required to be so restrained.

The debate on whether earbuds or headphones are allowed due to vague wording regarding headsets in the current California Vehicle Code is also no longer an issue thanks to this clarification:

SB491: Earbud Use
While operating a motor vehicle or bicycle, drivers and cyclists cannot wear headsets or ear buds that cover, rest on or are inserted in both ears. Emergency responders and wearers of hearing aids are excepted. The law was enacted to ensure that motorists can hear sirens and other safety alerts.

So those white ear buds you guys stick in your ears to jam harder to your dubstep playlist (or secret Bieber/Cyrus/Lovato mix) has never been legal and is further clarified as being illegal as of January 1, 2016. Those unfortunate few who have been ticketed for such offenses in the past can now at least rest assured that your civil liberties weren’t violated. Yes, folks, it actually is important to listen to traffic sounds and not tune out the world while you’re driving–all together now, can we say: observation?

I doubt the driver of the Infiniti Q50 above can even spell observation, though he had the ability to order an off-colored vanity plate (license plate starting with B31). This crazy nut job was speeding, tailgating, and weaving for no reason last week going west on Magnolia. As stated above, there were very few cars on the street, so there was absolutely no need to rush to each subsequent red light like a rejected teenager belting to the sorrowful tunes of Adele. Maybe he was lamenting that so many aggressive drivers were out of town and was actually missing some speedy action in his otherwise mundane life. Needless to say, he never signaled throughout this stretch of erratic driving, and thankfully we split ways as he made a right onto Kester Ave. (again, without signaling).