L.A. Can't Drive

Senile Granny Almost Collides Head-on with Oncoming Traffic

Cadillac ATS 7ARC
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Huh? Wha? Uh… Hmm? If there were thought bubbles hovering over this Cadillac ATS (license plate 7ARC) driven by this old lady, that’s what they would say. She also had a handicap placard dangling from her rearview mirror, which for some reason so many drivers in this town don’t remove when they’re driving. It even says to do so on the placard, though common sense would dictate that you would want greater visibility out of your front windshield anyway. However, if you drive like this senile moron, then visibility is essentially a moot point. To put it plainly, this person should not be driving. Period. First, she pulled a pointless scooching maneuver while going west on Sunset to reach the left turn only by Kenter Ave. As a reminder, we use scooching to explain the maneuver of impatient drivers who try to shortcut it to a turn only lane by pulling out from behind cars in front of them and riding the center turning lane–or worse turn only lanes going in the opposite direction–to reach their intersection sooner. Naturally, this is a problem when cars in front that patiently wait to legally veer into a turn only lane almost collide with a speed demon coming up behind them on their left. What granny did here took idiocy to another level; since there are no center turning lanes at this point, this lady scooched across the double yellow lines into oncoming traffic and nearly collided head-on with an eastbound driver. To put insult to injury, she pulled this asinine stunt when the light by Kenter was a solid green and not a left turn green arrow, which meant that she still had to come to a stop and yield to traffic, quickly getting passed by cars she scooched past in a matter of seconds. So….methinks someone has a death wish and is tired of shelling out her social security money on over-priced prescription drugs. This point was further emphasized as we headed south on Kenter as she continually veered over the double yellow lines again–though this time without trying to scooch or pass other cars. I’m sorry, but if you can’t drive straight in one lane and avoid careening into oncoming traffic, then your license needs to be revoked.

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Happy New Year, Happy Old Habits

Exhibit A:
Lexus 7BET
Exhibit B:
Lexus 7BET
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You get about 3 weeks of comparatively blissful driving in Los Angeles from the end of the year to about a week after New Year’s before all the assholes and delusional morons come back in spades to frack everything up all over again. Take for example the toolbag driving this Lexus (license plate 7BET) who just happened to be one of many–yes, many–that pulled this asinine leapfrogging maneuver in late morning rush hour last week. This egocentric L.A. mentality of no one’s business is more important than my business infects our driving culture resulting in blatantly selfish–and dangerous–stunts like this. Many will read this and not think it’s a big deal because so many people do it. But objectively, if hundreds of lemmings jump off a cliff, does that mitigate the stupidity of jumping in the first place? I’ve seen more than my fair share of near misses, often involving large big rigs that wish to continue north on the 101 but do so by driving in the slowest lane. As you can clearly see, this moron was braking to a full stop in the fourth of four through lanes that head toward the 101 Fwy North. Instead of waiting patiently in traffic with most other commuters in lanes heading toward the 405 Fwy, this driver felt completely entitled to become a mobile road block before illegally crossing over a painted median (just before the raised concrete berm) to cut the line. Ever heard of picking a different route? How about leaving the house earlier? Regardless of the excuse, even unforeseen circumstance shouldn’t justify people driving this way. A true emergency would involve emergency vehicles….you know, lights? Sirens? Apparently, that’s too considerate a concept for these drivers to grasp.

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Wannabe Punk Viciously Tailgating and Weaving in Badass Solara

Toyota Solara 6LVB
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Oh, how quickly the holiday spirit fades from the hearts of L.A. drivers. Though it is absolutely heaven (comparatively speaking) to be driving in L.A. during the holiday season–what with a majority of jackasses going back to visit whatever holes they came out from–you undoubtedly get a taste of harsh reality right after Christmas. Boxing Day has a completely different meaning in these parts, especially with road raging assholes like the wannabe hardass in this Toyota Solara (license plate 6LVB)…ooh, how fierce, brah. Someone had to cash in his gift cards at Best Buy and return some unwanted Pima cotton briefs at Banana in a hurry. This douche was viciously tailgating us on the 101 S heading to the 134 E Fwy, gesticulating angrily why we were going so “slow” despite the fact that we were evenly spaced behind the car in front of us–which also happened to be evenly spaced behind the car in front of it, and so on. In fact, limp dick here was completely clueless to moderate traffic conditions around him, where traffic was pacing along at a steady clip (around 65 mph) across all lanes. We switched lanes to let this asshat troll some other driver and snapped this photo in the process. After we merged onto the 134, we saw him speed away, zigzagging without signaling and indiscriminately cutting other drivers. Even off in the distance, his black car was recognizable as this gangsta-leaning, wrist-steerin’ punk was forced to brake on many occasions to avoid collisions as others dared to drive on his road in front of him…the nerve of us! What moxy…well, dis homey don’t play dat. Rock on with your pit-stained wife beaters…that is until your next reckless driving citation.

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Moron in Highlander Driving on Freeway at Night Without Lights

Toyota Highlander 6JTT
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You know, I try to avoid the 91 Fwy if I can help it. There are too many highway shootings on this stretch between the 110 and the 5 for my taste. Road raging aggression and gang-related shooting aside, you also have morons like the blonde lady in her late 40s/early 50s driving this Toyota Highlander (license plate 6JTT) at 7:30 pm completely in the dark. She looked like a wraith in our tinted rearview mirror given that she didn’t have any fog lights, daytime running lights, or head/taillights on at all. Furthermore, she was also cruising along in the #1 lane next to the carpool lane…talk about having a serious death wish. Freeway driving on 6-lane highways is treacherous enough, especially with all the speeding, non-signaling, tailgating assholes out there without adding the insane element of blind nighttime driving. Full marks for idiocy for this winner.

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Jackass Parking Job by Behemoth Ford Pickup

Ford Pickup 8J50
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We don’t really post videos on this blog, which makes it harder to convey the asinine bullheaded behavior we see on a regular basis on our roads. However, some photos like this one need very little explanation. I doubt that the owner of this Ford F-whogivesafu*kitsstillhuge pickup (license plate 8J50) actually uses his vehicle for work. Now I’m not saying that you can’t own large vehicles like this one for recreational purposes or simply because you like how they drive. What I am saying is that arrogant, selfish, lazy pricks shouldn’t own these trucks if doing so enables a feeling of superiority and nonchalance in their driving (and parking) behavior. Honestly, was it really too hard not to take up two entire spots in this parking lot on Sepulveda and Hatteras (by the FedEx and BevMo)? This guy just didn’t give a crap and simply chose not to back up, adjust his vehicle, and ease it back in. I would also bet on the fact this guy probably doesn’t bother to signal, doesn’t yield the right-0f-way if he doesn’t feel like it on a whim, and speeds, weaves, and tailgates on the freeway. Sure, that’s a lot to assume based on one parking job, but after driving in L.A. over these many years and running this blog, sometimes you just have to a call a spade a spade.

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