L.A. Can't Drive

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We had email access issues for a bit, but we’re back! Text us at (310) 896-LACD with your latest musings or frustrations, and we’ll share them here:

“In Highland Park on Saturday May 10th. at 10:25 AM, N. Figueroa and Ave 58. When I was crossing, a stupid jackass idiot nearly ran me over with his late Silver Toyota Camry sport model, Lic. Plate: 6KZ****, young guy with a crew cut. IF I HADN’T JUMPED OUT OF THE WAY I WOULD HAVE BEEN ON HIS HOOD, THAT MOTHER TRUCKER!! THE DMV NEEDS TO DO MORE TO KEEP IDIOTS LIKE THIS OFF THE ROAD!!!”

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Druggy in Elantra Fiending for a Collision

Hyundai Elantra 4VIB
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Maybe the mid-August heat is frying people’s brains, but drivers are absolutely insane on the road these last few days. It’s always a crapshoot whether drivers in L.A. signal for lane changes, but lately these morons aren’t even checking mirrors or blind spots. Just today, we were north on the 405 passing the 101 interchange. Well after the 101 lanes diverged, we figured it was safe to move into the rightmost lane on the 405 N. Then suddenly these jackasses in a white utility truck suddenly yanked their vehicle out of the 101 lanes across solid white painted medians and directly in front of our car. Fortunately, no one was immediately to our left so we were able to avoid the collision. Have people suddenly lost the ability to read signs or lane markings? Then we have imbeciles like the skinny, dark-haired douche in a black tank top who looked like your stereotypical heroin addict driving this crappy Hyundai Elantra (license plate 4VIB), which was cratered and multi-colored from so many crappy bondo jobs. This veering douchebag almost careened into our car while going north on Hazeltine from Ventura in Sherman Oaks. If staying in his lane is a challenge for this guy, then I’m thankful he was driving an Elantra instead of an Expedition. While driving in the same direction, we had to avoid his erratic weaving and tailgating driving habits until we turned off at Magnolia. Well given the sorry state of this guy’s appearance and the upkeep of his shizmobile, it’s clear he gives little care to himself let alone others.

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Selfish Toyota Avalon Runs Red, Speeds, and Tailgates

Toyota Avalon 5RRW
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When you see someone pulling an asinine maneuver, chances are that person offends in more ways than one whenever he’s driving. Case in point, the selfish moron driving this Toyota Avalon (license plate 5RRW) pulled a classic “L.A. left”, which is essentially running a red light while trying to squeeze behind two left-turning cars in front of you. This guy was turning from Kester Ave. onto Burbank Blvd. in Sherman Oaks today and was waiting in the left turn only lane behind two other cars. I was sitting at a red light going east on Burbank and saw that this guy was clearly behind the limit line. When the light turned yellow for his direction of travel, the drivers in front of him, who were already legitimately in the intersection, proceeded to complete their turn. However, when the light turned red, this guy still gunned it and forced his turn. I know for a fact that he ran the red because the light was green for me, and cars already started moving on Burbank when the Avalon was peeling a left. Normally, I wouldn’t bother taking this guy’s photo since so many drivers in this town run red lights like this (though cops don’t seem to do anything about it). However, this jackass continued to speed, tailgate, and cut off other drivers without signaling while traveling east before he made a right turn onto Van Nuys Blvd. It’s pretty insane to think that this guy could’ve been slapped with multiple moving violations in a span of one major city block, but there you have it.

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Road Raging Erratic Jackass in Maroon Pickup

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Is it just me, or has the heat sapped the ability of people to signal these last couple weeks? Are drivers in this town really so fragile that the mildest heatwave hinders them from moving their left arm to tweak the signal toggle? Has communicating intentions to other drivers suddenly taken a backseat to daydreaming about your next free venti iced water at the nearest Starbucks drive thru? I know I’ve been absent for a bit, but it’s not because drivers have suddenly become more considerate and attentive. Too many run-ins with morons this morning forced me to make some time in my schedule to at least bitch about these oblivious dimwits who just drift into intersections, pause at whim, and turn indiscriminately without signaling (or eventually go straight). Or how about those lovely douches who just crawl next to curb lanes looking for parking spaces or street address without signaling to the right and letting others behind them know that they’re slowing down for a reason? It really annoys me when I see that these drivers don’t acknowledge that such erratic behavior just adds to the confusion (and frustration) of drivers around them. You are not lone islands, people, and one thing we can all do to make our traffic congestion a bit more bearable is to communicate with our fellow commuters more diligently. I know it’s hard to interact with people outside our inner circle in this town, but we need to try to work on our issues, don’t we? Isn’t that what our Yogis teach us? Personal growth? Namaste, fools….

Anyway, the above photo isn’t of an oblivious imbecile but of a road raging jackass in a maroon pickup (what else is new?). This was taken a couple weeks ago in light mid-afternoon rush hour traffic going north on the 405, south of the 101 interchange. This thankless little pencil dick couldn’t understand why cars were moving so smoothly in weekday rush hour traffic that he was doing his best to create the status quo of bumper-to-bumper traffic by viciously tailgating in the carpool and #1 lanes on the freeway, indiscriminately hopping back and forth over the double yellow lines whenever it suited him. Yeah, I believe that he only has a pickup because of work purposes….right. Road bullies like this need therapy to get over their issues regarding their low self-esteem rather than take out their aggression on others by flirting with vehicular manslaughter. Maybe that hazard tape draped along his tailgate is meant for him.

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Lost Girl Driving Around at Night with Lights Off

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The clueless girl in her 20s in this Nissan Versa (license plate 7DXB) was driving around like a discombobulated recent transplant. She was cruising around at dusk around 8:30 pm on the 101 Freeway N without any head or taillights on. She wasn’t alone either; I counted at least 10 other drivers over the course of a few miles who were cruising around without any vehicle lamps on. Another half dozen or so only had daytime running lights on (ie. no taillights lit). When we both exited at Van Nuys and pulled up to the red light, I started flashing my high beams briefly at her to tell her to turn her lights on. When she still didn’t do it, I flashed my beams again while going south on Van Nuys. Again, no change. In fact, she was probably too absorbed in where she needed to go that she likely didn’t see me (and others) trying to get her attention to turn her lights on. We parted ways when she suddenly realized that she had to merge to the left to avoid heading into a right-turn-only lane before we hit Ventura and held up traffic in two southbound lanes while trying to navigate her car over. Look, we all get lost, I get it. But that doesn’t give us the right to throw all observation skills out the window. Signal, turn on your lights at night, check your mirrors and blind spots, etc. If you’re really lost, try pulling over to the side of the road to get your bearings.

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