L.A. Can't Drive

Pickup Driver’s Lazy Parking Job in Santa Barbara

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The above photo was taken in Southern California and sent to us at the end of June:

“On vacation here in Santa Barbara with my wife. We went to Ralphs to pick up food for the US vs. Portugal game and found this.”

Yes, this wasn’t taken in L.A., but Santa Barbara is certainly close enough to warrant honorable mention. Any wagers on whether this pickup was intruding into the neighboring parking spot?

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We got this one Monday:

“CA license 6FA**** White Prius — dude with a haircut like a bad topiary bush. I was sitting behind him at a light when it turns green and he didn’t move so I honked at him. (He was probably texting.) Then we both merge onto the 101N. He made sure he was in front of me and kept slamming on the brakes — trying to get me to crash into him — I guess? He did this constantly. Even when I fell back. He wouldn’t let me get around him and stayed right in front of me. He exited Barham, which coincidentally was where I was going to get off too, but I stayed on the highway and exited off the next exit. The Dude was/is a total dick.”

I would like to say that such encounters are few and far between, but I’d be lying worse than a ten cent hooker. Such arrogance and flagrant disregard for the safety of other drivers is so common in this town that I had to create this blog to stop myself from rolling down the window and yelling epithets at these motherfu*kers. Unfortunately, Pri-Ass drivers like the one above give hybrid/electric vehicle owners a bad rap. Dicks like that might think they’re helping the environment without understanding that their sheer existence on the road is carbon pollution. Lesson of the day? Don’t trust drivers with Chia Pet haircuts.

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Arrogant Lady in Jetta Parks Wherever She Pleases

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Here’s a submission we received in the end of May that demonstrates the all too prevalent Los Angeles sense of entitlement. I would say that the arrogance being demonstrated here is surprising, but sadly that would be a lie:

“We pay for our spots at the office– we only get five spots for an office of about 30-40 people. This brat today decides she will take one of said five spots– and when I inform her she can’t park there (there is a sign, after all)– she proceeded to march right by me. She said, “Well, like, I’m only going to be in Starbucks for 2 minutes.” What a delight. Thought I’d pass along her license plate.”

I must say that Angeleno stereotypes do not disappoint. The “like” is a nice verbal tic from the selfish, stubborn lady who clearly felt her caffeine fix took priority over the needs of anyone else. Why the high asshole rating? I don’t think people who are completely unfazed by another pointing out something they just did wrong deserve anything less.

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We had email access issues for a bit, but we’re back! Text us at (310) 896-LACD with your latest musings or frustrations, and we’ll share them here:

“In Highland Park on Saturday May 10th. at 10:25 AM, N. Figueroa and Ave 58. When I was crossing, a stupid jackass idiot nearly ran me over with his late Silver Toyota Camry sport model, Lic. Plate: 6KZ****, young guy with a crew cut. IF I HADN’T JUMPED OUT OF THE WAY I WOULD HAVE BEEN ON HIS HOOD, THAT MOTHER TRUCKER!! THE DMV NEEDS TO DO MORE TO KEEP IDIOTS LIKE THIS OFF THE ROAD!!!”

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Druggy in Elantra Fiending for a Collision

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Maybe the mid-August heat is frying people’s brains, but drivers are absolutely insane on the road these last few days. It’s always a crapshoot whether drivers in L.A. signal for lane changes, but lately these morons aren’t even checking mirrors or blind spots. Just today, we were north on the 405 passing the 101 interchange. Well after the 101 lanes diverged, we figured it was safe to move into the rightmost lane on the 405 N. Then suddenly these jackasses in a white utility truck suddenly yanked their vehicle out of the 101 lanes across solid white painted medians and directly in front of our car. Fortunately, no one was immediately to our left so we were able to avoid the collision. Have people suddenly lost the ability to read signs or lane markings? Then we have imbeciles like the skinny, dark-haired douche in a black tank top who looked like your stereotypical heroin addict driving this crappy Hyundai Elantra (license plate 4VIB), which was cratered and multi-colored from so many crappy bondo jobs. This veering douchebag almost careened into our car while going north on Hazeltine from Ventura in Sherman Oaks. If staying in his lane is a challenge for this guy, then I’m thankful he was driving an Elantra instead of an Expedition. While driving in the same direction, we had to avoid his erratic weaving and tailgating driving habits until we turned off at Magnolia. Well given the sorry state of this guy’s appearance and the upkeep of his shizmobile, it’s clear he gives little care to himself let alone others.

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