L.A. Can't Drive

Jackass Parking Job by Behemoth Ford Pickup

Ford Pickup 8J50
Idiocy Meter
car car carw carw carw carw
Asshole Meter
car car car car carw carw
We don’t really post videos on this blog, which makes it harder to convey the asinine bullheaded behavior we see on a regular basis on our roads. However, some photos like this one need very little explanation. I doubt that the owner of this Ford F-whogivesafu*kitsstillhuge pickup (license plate 8J50) actually uses his vehicle for work. Now I’m not saying that you can’t own large vehicles like this one for recreational purposes or simply because you like how they drive. What I am saying is that arrogant, selfish, lazy pricks shouldn’t own these trucks if doing so enables a feeling of superiority and nonchalance in their driving (and parking) behavior. Honestly, was it really too hard not to take up two entire spots in this parking lot on Sepulveda and Hatteras (by the FedEx and BevMo)? This guy just didn’t give a crap and simply chose not to back up, adjust his vehicle, and ease it back in. I would also bet on the fact this guy probably doesn’t bother to signal, doesn’t yield the right-0f-way if he doesn’t feel like it on a whim, and speeds, weaves, and tailgates on the freeway. Sure, that’s a lot to assume based on one parking job, but after driving in L.A. over these many years and running this blog, sometimes you just have to a call a spade a spade.

Bookmark and Share

Toyota Native Obliviously Blocking Intersections

Toyota Camry 3UDY
Idiocy Meter
car car car carw carw carw
Asshole Meter
car carw carw carw carw carw
Drivers like the native driving this old Toyota Camry (license plate 3UDY) are lost causes. Maybe they just pine for the days long ago when signaling was optional and there were significantly fewer vehicles on the road. Nonetheless, these drivers always act like they’re in their own worlds, aimlessly drifting about their business while paying a minimum amount of attention to traffic around them. This middle-aged lady in early afternoon rush hour traffic was going east on Sunset Blvd. toward the 405 Fwy and didn’t process that other cars next to her and in front of her were purposely trying to keep the intersection clear. It’s refreshing when I see drivers actually being considerate to other commuters, especially during rush hour traffic, by letting vehicles merge in front or by not blocking intersections. Then of course you inevitably have the clueless dingbat like this Camry driver who just casually cruised her car into the the intersection and stopped right in the middle of it, incidentally making it more difficult for two other drivers coming from the opposite direction who wanted to make a left off of Sunset onto the side street. I doubt she even processed this inconvenience to others, which also happens to be illegal though cops rarely cite for this here. The best we can do is steer around drivers like this and hope they don’t lane change into your vehicle as you pass.

Bookmark and Share

Nissan Altima Trunk Flapping Like a Venus Flytrap

Nissan Altima 6TYX
Idiocy Meter
car car car car carw carw
Asshole Meter
car carw carw carw carw carw
Pssst, hey lady in the Nissan Altima (license plate 6TYX). Your trunk is open. At first I thought you had something bulky in the back, but the trunk wasn’t even roped down. In fact, when you erratically stopped at a red light, the whole friggen lid popped open. You may need to tidy up your trunk a bit. I definitely saw some clothes strewn around that could use a good wash. But I like that you had jumper cables…way to stay on top of things in case you find yourself or someone else in a jam. Anyway, I could’ve sworn that you noticed your trunk flapping like undies in the wind, especially with your herky-jerky, non-signaling lane-changing talents. Didn’t feel the need to pull over and quickly remedy the situation? OK, maybe next time. Or maybe check your rearview mirror once in awhile. Just a suggestion for the next time you venture toward Downtown LA. on Wilshire.

Bookmark and Share

Reading on the Freeway and Running Stop Signs

Chevy Traverse
Idiocy Meter
car car car car car car
Asshole Meter
car car car carw carw carw
Before I talk about the jackass transplant (or visitor, perhaps) from Washington State, what’s with the plethora of numbnuts blatantly ignoring stop signs lately? Yesterday, I was in West L.A. on a side street during evening rush hour, and these stereotypical looking gangbangers literally blew through a stop sign…didn’t even slow down. These smug arrogant fu*kers with their pathetic shoulder slants were just asking for a reason to get in a fight with someone, almost inviting cars to hit them. Then this afternoon while traveling east on Magnolia, this moron from the south made a right turn onto Magnolia without slowing down for his stop sign directly in front of our car. I doubt the toolbag even glanced in our direction, though he saw me give him a sarcastic thumbs up while mouthing “good job, genius”, which he clearly saw through his rearview mirror because his car really was that close to my front bumper while I was hitting the brakes. I think he flipped me the bird, though I couldn’t tell with the literal rack of shirts hanging from a pole suspended over his rear seats. Then a mere hour later at the Fashion Square Mall by Woodman and Riverside, another douche in a minivan ignored the painted stop sign on the ground and basic right-of-way rules by turning a left directly in front of us as we were going straight toward his location from his left. I stared at the driver with this “are you kidding me?” look, but he stubbornly stared ahead. No apologetic wave or gesture of thanks. Nada. In short, stereotypical arrogant, entitled, oblivious Los Angeles driving from people of all socioeconomic backgrounds are in full force these days. Maybe we had too many blood moons in one year, but whatever the reason, defensive drivers need to be extra vigilant around these sh*t-for-brains.

Now that I got that off my chest, allow me to address the moron driving the Chevy Traverse SUV (license plate Washington ARE****) while reading what looked like a map or a magazine on the 134 Fwy going East in Burbank. The kicker is there was a passenger in the front next to him who was equally culpable for such asinine driving behavior. I’m sorry, but if I were a passenger in a car and the driver was browsing the funnies while cruising on the freeway, I wouldn’t be polite like a friggen model minority Asian and keep my mouth shut. I don’t care if we’re strangers…I would tell the dork to stupid paper down and stop steering with his fuc*ing knees. They also seemed completely unfazed that they were traveling way below the speed of surrounding traffic–a good 10-15 MPH slower than everyone else. Hopefully, they were just visiting or taking a road trip, though they would fit right in with the rest of the godawful drivers here if they are recent transplants.

Bookmark and Share

Drivers in Northern California Still Vastly Superior to Drivers in L.A.

Exhibit A:
BMW 4GXN
Exhibit B:
BMW 4GXN
Idiocy Meter
car car car carw carw carw
Asshole Meter
car car car car car carw
Yes, we’re still around, but we kept that last post up front and center for a couple weeks because it was not only well-written but also insightful. I’ve also been inundated with a slew of weddings, the most recent being up north in Sonoma. My wife and I naturally took this opportunity to road trip and enjoy 7 hours each way of conversation without the kids yelling in the backseat and blasting a playlist that alternates “Let It Go” and “Everything Is Awesome!” on endless repeat (thank you, grandparents!). It’s amazing how rejuvenating being together with your spouse for a weekend can be when your kids aren’t there. Walking down the street and simply holding hands is a much cherished novelty these days, and this time away inevitably makes us better (and happier) parents. Freedom from the plant life in L.A. was also a great respite, especially since I’ve recently been told by my allergist that I’m allergic to basically every single type of tree, grass, or weed in Southern California. Lovely. Needless to say, hanging out with friends and walking around lush trees and majestic redwoods in cool weather at higher elevations while squeezing in visits to two wineries was exactly what we needed this past weekend.

However, I would be remiss to not point out also how nice it was to get away from the asinine drivers in Los Angeles. Yes, you have your speeding, California-Cutting assholes up north, but they are not nearly as abundant as the heat-stroked jackasses of Los Angeles. Imagine driving in rush hour where drivers both signaled and respected others who signaled, didn’t tailgate, and actually understood the concept of passing and merging. Also, these drivers understood that rush hour means traffic! Well, I’ll be damned, what a revelation for the so many impatient, frustrated, dickheads and bitches here who often makes congestion worse by succumbing to a potent cocktail of their selfishness and lack of impulse control. Over the years, we have consistently found this to be the case whenever we’ve ventured north, whether it be San Jose, San Francisco, Oakland, wine country, etc. In fact, the difference between driving habits is so palpable that you can viscerally feel the difference when you start to approach Los Angeles around the Grapevine on I-5.

The above photos of the native balding, middle-aged jackass in a BMW (license plate 4GXN) is an example of the typical road sludge you encounter in L.A. County that is thankfully a rarity in many other parts of the state. This toolbag was erratically and aggressively bumper-humping and cutting off drivers while traveling south on the 405 in relatively light post-morning rush hour traffic. Even if you were a considerate, defensive driver who followed the rule of “slower traffic keep right”, that wouldn’t matter to this arrogant fu*kwad as you can clearly see in Exhibits A and B. His only saving grace was that he was signaling, albeit briefly, for each asinine lane change. Again, that’s better than nothing, but it’s also probably something I subjectively give more credit to given that I’m used to such aggressive driving coupled with signaling after growing up in New York. Regardless, this guy clearly had to be somewhere fast (maybe the potty?) as he was literally fiending for the Sunset exit for a good two miles, even riding on the shoulder of the freeway a few times to try to catch a glimpse of his exit. Dude, it’s an off-ramp, not Kate Upton that’s just down the road. Seriously, don’t so many people profess to live in L.A. because it’s laid back and a great place to chill? Clearly not Mr. Propecia, who continued his erratic behavior west on Sunset until he turned off at Barrington Pl.

Bookmark and Share