L.A. Can't Drive

Moron in Highlander Driving on Freeway at Night Without Lights

Toyota Highlander 6JTT
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You know, I try to avoid the 91 Fwy if I can help it. There are too many highway shootings on this stretch between the 110 and the 5 for my taste. Road raging aggression and gang-related shooting aside, you also have morons like the blonde lady in her late 40s/early 50s driving this Toyota Highlander (license plate 6JTT) at 7:30 pm completely in the dark. She looked like a wraith in our tinted rearview mirror given that she didn’t have any fog lights, daytime running lights, or head/taillights on at all. Furthermore, she was also cruising along in the #1 lane next to the carpool lane…talk about having a serious death wish. Freeway driving on 6-lane highways is treacherous enough, especially with all the speeding, non-signaling, tailgating assholes out there without adding the insane element of blind nighttime driving. Full marks for idiocy for this winner.

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Jackass Parking Job by Behemoth Ford Pickup

Ford Pickup 8J50
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We don’t really post videos on this blog, which makes it harder to convey the asinine bullheaded behavior we see on a regular basis on our roads. However, some photos like this one need very little explanation. I doubt that the owner of this Ford F-whogivesafu*kitsstillhuge pickup (license plate 8J50) actually uses his vehicle for work. Now I’m not saying that you can’t own large vehicles like this one for recreational purposes or simply because you like how they drive. What I am saying is that arrogant, selfish, lazy pricks shouldn’t own these trucks if doing so enables a feeling of superiority and nonchalance in their driving (and parking) behavior. Honestly, was it really too hard not to take up two entire spots in this parking lot on Sepulveda and Hatteras (by the FedEx and BevMo)? This guy just didn’t give a crap and simply chose not to back up, adjust his vehicle, and ease it back in. I would also bet on the fact this guy probably doesn’t bother to signal, doesn’t yield the right-0f-way if he doesn’t feel like it on a whim, and speeds, weaves, and tailgates on the freeway. Sure, that’s a lot to assume based on one parking job, but after driving in L.A. over these many years and running this blog, sometimes you just have to a call a spade a spade.

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Toyota Native Obliviously Blocking Intersections

Toyota Camry 3UDY
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Drivers like the native driving this old Toyota Camry (license plate 3UDY) are lost causes. Maybe they just pine for the days long ago when signaling was optional and there were significantly fewer vehicles on the road. Nonetheless, these drivers always act like they’re in their own worlds, aimlessly drifting about their business while paying a minimum amount of attention to traffic around them. This middle-aged lady in early afternoon rush hour traffic was going east on Sunset Blvd. toward the 405 Fwy and didn’t process that other cars next to her and in front of her were purposely trying to keep the intersection clear. It’s refreshing when I see drivers actually being considerate to other commuters, especially during rush hour traffic, by letting vehicles merge in front or by not blocking intersections. Then of course you inevitably have the clueless dingbat like this Camry driver who just casually cruised her car into the the intersection and stopped right in the middle of it, incidentally making it more difficult for two other drivers coming from the opposite direction who wanted to make a left off of Sunset onto the side street. I doubt she even processed this inconvenience to others, which also happens to be illegal though cops rarely cite for this here. The best we can do is steer around drivers like this and hope they don’t lane change into your vehicle as you pass.

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Nissan Altima Trunk Flapping Like a Venus Flytrap

Nissan Altima 6TYX
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Pssst, hey lady in the Nissan Altima (license plate 6TYX). Your trunk is open. At first I thought you had something bulky in the back, but the trunk wasn’t even roped down. In fact, when you erratically stopped at a red light, the whole friggen lid popped open. You may need to tidy up your trunk a bit. I definitely saw some clothes strewn around that could use a good wash. But I like that you had jumper cables…way to stay on top of things in case you find yourself or someone else in a jam. Anyway, I could’ve sworn that you noticed your trunk flapping like undies in the wind, especially with your herky-jerky, non-signaling lane-changing talents. Didn’t feel the need to pull over and quickly remedy the situation? OK, maybe next time. Or maybe check your rearview mirror once in awhile. Just a suggestion for the next time you venture toward Downtown LA. on Wilshire.

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Reading on the Freeway and Running Stop Signs

Chevy Traverse
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Before I talk about the jackass transplant (or visitor, perhaps) from Washington State, what’s with the plethora of numbnuts blatantly ignoring stop signs lately? Yesterday, I was in West L.A. on a side street during evening rush hour, and these stereotypical looking gangbangers literally blew through a stop sign…didn’t even slow down. These smug arrogant fu*kers with their pathetic shoulder slants were just asking for a reason to get in a fight with someone, almost inviting cars to hit them. Then this afternoon while traveling east on Magnolia, this moron from the south made a right turn onto Magnolia without slowing down for his stop sign directly in front of our car. I doubt the toolbag even glanced in our direction, though he saw me give him a sarcastic thumbs up while mouthing “good job, genius”, which he clearly saw through his rearview mirror because his car really was that close to my front bumper while I was hitting the brakes. I think he flipped me the bird, though I couldn’t tell with the literal rack of shirts hanging from a pole suspended over his rear seats. Then a mere hour later at the Fashion Square Mall by Woodman and Riverside, another douche in a minivan ignored the painted stop sign on the ground and basic right-of-way rules by turning a left directly in front of us as we were going straight toward his location from his left. I stared at the driver with this “are you kidding me?” look, but he stubbornly stared ahead. No apologetic wave or gesture of thanks. Nada. In short, stereotypical arrogant, entitled, oblivious Los Angeles driving from people of all socioeconomic backgrounds are in full force these days. Maybe we had too many blood moons in one year, but whatever the reason, defensive drivers need to be extra vigilant around these sh*t-for-brains.

Now that I got that off my chest, allow me to address the moron driving the Chevy Traverse SUV (license plate Washington ARE****) while reading what looked like a map or a magazine on the 134 Fwy going East in Burbank. The kicker is there was a passenger in the front next to him who was equally culpable for such asinine driving behavior. I’m sorry, but if I were a passenger in a car and the driver was browsing the funnies while cruising on the freeway, I wouldn’t be polite like a friggen model minority Asian and keep my mouth shut. I don’t care if we’re strangers…I would tell the dork to stupid paper down and stop steering with his fuc*ing knees. They also seemed completely unfazed that they were traveling way below the speed of surrounding traffic–a good 10-15 MPH slower than everyone else. Hopefully, they were just visiting or taking a road trip, though they would fit right in with the rest of the godawful drivers here if they are recent transplants.

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